Discussion 2: Dr Phil's Right Thinking

[Angel26519]

I wanted to get this forum started. I havent got my stuff together yet to post but if others do feel free to have at it...

[Mitchypoo]

Angel, you mentioned you were starting the 2nd discussion re: Key 1. We're not doing Chapter 2? Sorry, i'm confused, i know we discussed things in Chapter 2 and 3 but thought we were going Chapter by Chapter. I'll go read the outline again.

[Mitchypoo]

I'm sorry, i misunderstood, i reread the outline and know where we are now.........so now i'm a little behind....so have to go read!

[Angel26519]

Change your thinking to change your weight. Get rid of self defeating thought patterns, believe that you will succeed, and you will have mastered the key necessary to overcome your struggles with your weight.

What is true about you in your mind, you will live.

Ok these words make me think. Do I live what I say??? I dont know... I know that I always start by thinking I can do this but once I get into it I loose my confidence in myself and what I can accomplish.... my depression kicks in and I lose myself in the quagmire of nexgative stuff.....

This also includes my work. I can tell others how great I am and sound like I really mean it.... but inside I feel like a failure. I dont want to go see customers anymore because I am afraid that I am not the "sexy girl" anymore.... big thing in my industry (I deal with construction workers all day) (I once went into a customers office.... someone that I had worked with for years and they were talking about this new girl in the industry.... he said to me "You used to be our eye candy..." DEVESTATION!! I know here that in my head all the time....

I do know that I have this mantra that I got from ZIG ZIGLAR years ago. It was something that you said to yourself in the mirror every morning and every night for 30 days..... it changed my world. It was business related.... I think I will find that and work on making one for weight issues.... I will post it once I get it if anyone else would like to use it.... I guess that would be a personal truth statement.


It whats inside the balloon that makes it go up real high!Isnt this exactly truth about us? Our inner thoughts, beliefs self-perceptions and emotions can give us a lift. Ohh! Light bulb moment for me.... I have never thought about it that way..... WOW!

I know that some of the things I say to myself I would NEVER say to someone else.... why would I say this to myself? Why would I except it from ANYONE.... including myself.

Whether you think you can or think you cant - YOU ARE RIGHT! We have always heard this but have we taken it to heart? Have we really stopped to think about what it is saying?????


All or Nothing Thinking
This is so me.... I am one of those gung ho going to change every little thing in my life right now.... How realistic is this? How do I think I am going to be comfortable doing this.... I have to understand that one positive change at a time is reasonable and attainalbe.... every step in the right direction is going to get you there.....

Pie Dreaming Another one I have a problem with.... I want to be that tiny girl in some part of my mind.... this is changing.... having a 15 year old daughter around that looks just like me is helping me to become realistic about where I want to be.... I used to want to weigh 110-115#.... now looking at my daughter I realize that it needs to be closer to 130-140#.... I still look at the weights of different modelsand actresses and think I want to weigh that.... but I personally am starting to think alot of them are lying are they have no muscle on there body at all...

Self Downing I yell at myself all the time.... something I use to do along time ago was I would actually beat the heck out of my head with a hair brush if it wasnt perfect.... all I did was vent the rage and give myself a HUGE headache.... but in thinking about this I realize that it was self abuse.... if I had done this to my kids or my husband had done this to me we would be in DFACS.... yet it was self inflicted.... I guess that was the way I punished myself.... the same way I was punished as a child.... I would say all the things to myself that my mother or other people had said to me.... OH MY GOD.... I cant believe I did this to myself! I just realized while writing this how awful that was... I am actually crying.... I hope this is healing!

Start Challenging your Self Talk I am going to stop several times a day to make sure that i am telling myself the truth.... not the negative stuff or the lies that I tell myself all the time. I am going to make sure that my internal dialogue does serve my best interests.

This is one step that will take time to get under my belt but I am going to keep working on it.... as the Loreal commercial says.... "I AM WORTH IT!"

SO what is everyone elses feedback.... what stuck out to you? Is this an issue for you?

[sprout]

First I must say I am finding this book very good reading and very helpful.

Page 51 quote:
What you tell yourself can make you feel stressed, anxious, worried, depressed - - and more apt to binge or overeat. Unless you eliminate self-defeating thoughts, they will actually gain momentum, becomeng more deeply lodged in the habitual patterns of your life and more unyielding to change. We must idenity and acknowledge them.

This got me thinking -- and I must say for me it is true.When things get tough, my self-defeating thoughts come and from there I get more stressed, anxious and so forth. I know for me I have some self-defeating thoughts, thoughts that I have picked up over many many years (from a very early age actually) and I internalized them I am one that is having to take those internal thoughts and validate them -- either as right or wrong -- and to go from there. I have begun this and I am finding it an uplifting exercise but also difficult as it brings out a lot of memories that I have surpressed. But I am seeing that these self-defeating thoughts need to be brought forward and dealt with -- and when I do this I know that a great life change will have taken place

The following quotes from the book I believe say it exactly as how I feel.

'Once you take control of your internal activity, you're going to be amazed at the power you have to get your weight under control. Losing weight and keepng it off is not just about food.' (page 53)

'For you to achieve permanent weight loss, change must come totally from WITHIN YOU. This is where the real power to create lasting results is found and what you are about to do here will give you that power.' (page 53)

:cb: each icon = 10 pounds lost

[Debuska]

Right thinking - Yes. For me this is what it's all about. I've read the chapter twice and and have taken notes. This is real work for me. All my thinking is so automatic that I'd never given it credence until now. I'm practicing better, more positive self-talk (I internalize everything) and quite frankly I'm finding it difficult. I've gone on to the next chapter, but then I think WHOA Girl... if you're going to do this right and follow the 7 keys in order, shouldn't you master the first one before attempting the next?

If anyone out there has any suggestions for me on positive self-talk, I'd welcome them. Something pops into my head that I know is demeaning or destructive so I "catch it", but then I'm truly stumped with something to replace that thought with. I've filled in the table in the book with more positive statements, but I'm finding it difficult to actually use those statements. Know what I mean? Anyone?

I want so much not to fail at this first most important (for me) step. I'm afraid I'll get road-blocked here and not move on.
:?:

[sillymonkey]

Actually, I do know what you mean about not really being able to use the good phrases we come up with (or are given). I guess they just don't feel natural - they don't always feel like they fit well in your mouth. What I do is I found a word I use a lot anyways, and then I turn it back on me. I find I tend to call things "amazing" or "awesome" (someone bought a new puppy - "wow, that's awesome!"; someone gets a great new job "cool - that's amazing!"; I find myself telling myself that I'm crap "shut up - you're awesome!"). It's short, it's easy, it's a term I use all the time anyways. I find it effective.

[Angel26519]

Deb and the rest of you! :)

I am currently working on getting together a mantra for us to use.
As soon as I am done I will post it....

[sprout]

Hi Deb. I believe you mentioned difficulty replacing or working on this.

Somewhere in the book or maybe it was on Dr. Phil's show he has talked about this. In the book on page 77 he has an outline called 'Table 2: Right Thinking responses to negative self-talk'

I found this very helpful.

Example:
Type of self talk: internalizing

Self talk thinking: I have never accomplished anything else in my life why would I do this

Then on page 79 he includes in this same chart 'Validity'. So it would now look like this:

Self talk: I have never accomplished anything in my life so why should I accomplish this.

Validity: I have accomplished the following: I taught my children to walk, talk, to read, to write, I taught myself how to sew and to crochet. If I can do those I can reprogram my life to healthy choices.

Right thinking: Losing this weight is in my control. I can do it. I have all the tools I need before me. I will work on this 'project' UNTIL


In the book on page 63 he gives homework on this and then you finish the homework on page 79 -- do go over it -- it takes a while to rethink but it can be.

I know for myself I have always heard growing up 'Oh your sisters are such good cooks I am so sorry I never taught you better' I had to take this internal dialogue and I broke it down as follows:
a) My sisters are such good cooks: true or false = true
b) I never taught you: true or false = false
c) From hearing this internal dialogue I understood that I could not cook. Is this true or false: false

So now when I hear that little voice say that I am changing my internal thoughts to:
I am so fortunate to have to loving sisters that are such good cooks. How fortunate I am to come from a family with all of us girls being such good cooks.

That is just one example I have had to deal with -- but some of the real serious emotional trauma I have gone through I have been working on breaking it down the same way -- taking part of what ever it is and validating it as either true or false. If it is false replace it with the truth.

Hope this helps.

[nikkic]

I have been wanting to post here, but still haven't finished the reading for this week, I've had a lot to do:rolleyes:
Still, I wanted to acknowledge what Sillymonkey said, your subconscious does respond positively to words that it relates to and can identify easily. So, to speak plainly to yourself is generally the best way to get the message across to yourself.

Also, I would like to add something that I've read else where, but can't give the person credit for (because I don't know who it's from. It could be the words to a song for all I know. ) I think it's good positive self talk.

You are a child of the universe...no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not, it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

The second comment is sort of a mantra as Angel is refering to. Before going to sleep at night, as your breathing in and out, begin to focus on your breathing. Then say to yourself--when I wake, I will feel refreshed, energized and ready to face the day. Feeling great, twice as motivated as the day before to make myself healthy and happy. I will easily follow my healthy eating plan and be free from any and all negative thoughts, beliefs and ideas about myself. --Before we go to sleep, we are more open to suggestions because we are more relaxed. We can actually speak to our subconscious without as much worry of being interrupted.

[gonzostar]

Hi guys, i'm finally here. i only got my book yesterday but i have caught up on reading it. i haven't caught up on all of your posts, however.

so...key 1. belive it or not, while it all was very, very true, i am proud to say that i have changed my thinking and feel i have at least 70% mastery of what he is saying! somehow i learned the ways of right thinking from these here boards, people in my life, and the ups and downs of losing 56 pounds in this last year.

when i filled out the chart, i found that i only used 1 self-downer statement, and one semi-dramatized statement. the rest was actually already right thinking!

the part i am taking with me the most is the 4 questions you are supposed to ask yourself... most importantly "is it true?" i know i will be using that one a lot.

[FindingMe]

I just posted in the profile thread explaining I was all confused this morning thinking this thread was more of an analysis of the book than putting it to practical use. So, I posted in the general diet section. Well, having more time this afternoon to read these threads more closely, I realized how wrong I was, so edited the other thread and here I am in need of support. I am just starting Key One, so hopefully I can post more soon.

P.S. Is there a thread that shares some of the goals and the readiness checks or are people not sharing the info because it is too personal, just curious because I would love to share mine, I think it will help me with my accountability.

[Jennifer 3FC]

FindingMe, you can post a bio and read others at this page:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32155

[Jo_Pointer]

You are a child of the universe...no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not, it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Nikki: This is the beautiful, "Desiderata (http://www.sfheart.com/desiderata.html) ," by Max Ehrmann. My very favorite poem!

Now on to Key #1...

I knew this key would be a very important one, and I thought it was going to be very tough for me. While I "got it" on paper when reading the book, I struggled to "get it" in practical application for a week. But then suddenly, two days ago, I felt a change in my attitude, and consequently my appetite, that I can only attribute to the "right thinking" work I've been doing.

Accepting your role in your weight problem, acknowledging that you are accountable, means that you get it. It means that you understand that the solutions lie within you. This gives you a tremendous head start toward permanent weight loss. (page 53)

Of the ten self-defeating messages he outlines the one I do most is #9: self-downing. For years and years I've been playing the "negative tapes" in my head. While I've known this for a long time, I never really knew how to go about changing it. The excercises in this section were VERY helpful!

If you passively accept the messages of your internal dialogue, if you let it speak to you unchallenged, you have just stonewalled your changes of getting your weight under lasting control. (page 71)

The internal audits were interesting. My Internal WLOC score is very high, and I recognized the following behaviors in myself:

You tend to internalize your failures and dwell on them. You must work on how you interpret your failures, become aware of your negative internal dialogue, and work to change it. (page 59)

I also recognize the need to treat myself as I would anyone else I encountered in the same situation--with love and support. By focusing on myself as an outsider would this week I've been able to be very gentle on myself.

You mustn't be duped by your own self-talk, any more than if someone else told you that you can't lose weight or get your life under control. (page 51)

The elephant analogy he uses on page 52 really struck a chord with me! I realized that I've been tied down by my own thoughts without realizing that I can "pull up the stakes" any time I want!

I don't know about you all, but I find that affirmations really help me. I chose the seven below for this week as I thought they would help me with Key #1:
I am not a victim when I remember I have power over my own thoughts and actions.
I cannot control all the events in my life, but I can control how I react to them.
My body, mind and spirit deserve to be at peace.
I believe my capacity to cope exceeds my perceptions.
If I can accept who I am, and love me for who I am, I can accept the changes of life.
Any situation can become a journey and we grow a little more from it.
With persistance, my possibilities are limitless.
I really think UWS is working, and I'm so excited! You all have helped to inspire me, keep me focused, and "in the game" this week. Thank you!

Jo :wave:
202/200/135

[nikkic]

JoPointer, Thank you so much for the link. Maybe I was right in that it is music for the soul:)

[Rowan Bailey]

I have just caught up on the section this morning....I still need to do the actual work, but this was a very powerful point for me.

I have been working with a Hypnotherapist, and we have been working at reprogramming those sub-conscious thoughts and the conscious thoughts....My therapist has already gotten me of being hypersensitive to the words that I am using...we don't say "lose weight" because losing something connotates that it needs to be found. I melt/give away/get rid of/my excess weight.

I had terrible thoughts, thoughts that I would never even think about others, but I would think that of myself....Angel...thank you for your share about the hairbrush incident, I have had my own self loathing moments that included trying to hurt myself.....that is very difficult to admit.

I live here in LA and trying to get real with weight, in a society that is fixated on how small can you get, and trying to meet a guy being single in this town is impossible. I have beautiful thin friends who can't so I watch my own negativity in this area....if she with the great body,good job, excellent personality can't find the right guy then I have NO chance. So this was a great way to examine where else I have this victim/excuse mentality.


My loss has slowed down but I still feel good, because I am now focused on knowing that I ate the right things, and that is now where I am putting my focus. And, the truth is that I have lost 10 pounds since 8/29 anyhow...10 pounds in a month is still great.

Jo...I love your sentences...I may steal some for myself. I will be doing the exercises this weekend and reading for next week. I do feel that UWL is giving me more of a sense of being in control. The office is really busy right now with the US final tax extension due on Oct. 15th....I will be done and will be able to read more.

[diphthong]

Rowan, I can certainly understand what you say about living in LA. We made our first trip there last year (wonderful place to visit, but we turned down a transfer because of the real estate prices and taxes). While I was walking Rodeo Drive and Beverly Hills, I felt so out of place. Here in Indiana where obesity rules, 'large' women abound.

I waited until the end of the week to comment on this section because I have been accustomed to "Right Thinking" for about 25 years now. I was a real estate broker, and when I first started out, a friend gave me a book, THINK AND GROW RICH by Napoleon Hill. It was first published in 1937, and the title is deceiving. It is not necessarily about making money, but about how to achieve goals through desire and 'right thinking.' (This is the author that coined, "whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve") The funny thing about it, is that I have applied the principles to all areas of my life but never thought about applying them to my health! When I read Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS, I realized he was using the same principles, as was Bob Green in GET WITH THE PROGRAM and Bill Phillips in BODY FOR LIFE. The one thing I love about Dr. Phil is his down to earth way of explaining things. If there has been anyone who can make me 'think and grow,' it's Dr. Phil. But duh, I made the connection to right thinking and what I already knew for 25 years several months ago, and thus my signature line.

My heart just broke when I read that some of you have thoughts of hurting yourself. But the fact that you are brave enough to admit that in public is such an awesome step forward, IMO. Haven't we all been hurting ourselves, for whatever reason, with food? I think we are on such a fantastic journey into self-discovery!

I'm anxious to get on to the next chapter because yesterday, watching Dr. Phil, I had an OMG moment. I will probably be the first one out of the gate to post my discovery, but I am going to start today working on "Healing Feelings" that I have been harboring. I already feel a sense of freedom!

dip

[dentrassi]

Hi everyone! I just bought the book this weekend, but wanted to comment on self dialogue. I suffer from and am on meds for constant low level depression. I have been working on improving my inner dialogue for YEARS, and it IS possible and it gets easier!! At first i would try to catch the negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts. It felt awkward, but I kept at it. Well, it feels natural now, and my FIRST thoughts are a lot more likely to be positive now too!! I still have bad days, and there are still days when I don't even catch myself, but THAT is okay too. I am a work of art.....IN PROGRESS!!! Believe me, emotionally and physically I have hurt myself a lot, and I see that I still have a long way to go, but I want to get there, and I am actually starting to enjoy the trip instead of just lusting after the end result. Studies done on masterpiece paintings have shown areas that were painted over. Even the GREATS make mistakes, the key is learning from those mistakes!!!

[mauvaisroux]

Page 51 quote:
What you tell yourself can make you feel stressed, anxious, worried, depressed - - and more apt to binge or overeat. Unless you eliminate self-defeating thoughts, they will actually gain momentum, becomeng more deeply lodged in the habitual patterns of your life and more unyielding to change. We must idenity and acknowledge them.

I am in the middle of trying to change the way I cope with stress and I think this "right thinking" needs to apply to other parts of my life and not just my weight loss.

I am finding the book very helpful so far. A lot of things I am reading about I never realised that I did to myself.

[Aussie Bikini]

Hi everyone! I just bought the book on Friday and read the first couple of chapters last night. I agree with a lot of what's already been posted here and with what was said in the book. I think if I had to pick the categories of negative self-talking that I do the most, it would be the all-or-nothing and the pie dreaming. I can't even fathom how many different diets I've started and quit after I got frustrated because the weight wasn't coming off fast enough or because I missed a day of exercise or because I gave in and had a goodie that turned into a binge. Slimfast, WW, South Beach, Atkins, Cabbage Soup, Body for Life, Fat Flush, Hollywood Diet, metabolife, etc. I know what it takes to lose weight - healthy foods and exercise. No gimmick is going to make this weight go away magically tomorrow, and I don't need to be perfect in order to be "on plan." This is tough for me, but I hope it will get easier. I truly want this to be the last week that I am 280 pounds. And next week will be the last week that I ever see 278. And so on. So I'm thinking positively, and really trying to listen to that self-doubt.

[Debuska]

Hello all. I see that Discussion 3 "Healing Feelings" has started. I've read the chapter but went back to Right Thinking. I'm still struggling with that whole concept. What I'm finding is that I'm pretty hard on myself (old news) and that the right thinking jsut sounds phony. Angel, I was wondering if you'd had a chance to work on that mantra you'd mentioned. You said something about saying it to yourself every day for a month? I'd be most interested in seeing this. Maybe something like that will help get "right thinking" through my thick head.

Also, I hope none of you mind that I continue on about this Right Thinking topic in our next chapter discussion - I'm afraid that if I keep posting to this thread until I "get it" I'll miss out on what else is going on, not to mention the opportunity for all you great folks to read my posts and perhaps offer suggestions should I get stuck again.

:)

[mauvaisroux]

Debuska- maybe the "right thinking" sounds phony because it feels unnatural if you are not use to using it.
To me it feels weird saying these things to myself- like some silly self help clap trap ala Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live
(I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it-people like me!) :lol:

But I am willing to give it a shot - maybe you get used to it - I mean, we've been telling ourselves the wrong things for a long time so changing our mind sets is not going to happen overnight and it is bound to feel odd at first.

I agree with you, maybe a personal mantra may work better. :shrug: I am willing to try that too. I really need to sort myself out mentally before I do anything else. I am also starting yoga - the exercise is great but again I get kind of weirded out by the chakras and meditation and ohms and all that. one of my tapes tries to get you to keep saying " I am a Goddess" and I just feel so silly doing it! :lol:

On that note....I have posted this by my desk as my daily inspiration....

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
If you realize you have enough, then you are truly rich."

From the Book of Tao Te Ching

:chin: hmmm.... maybe this should be one of my mantras?


:D :D :D

[Angel26519]

Hi Ladies and Gents!

I have decided to leave each discussion board open to continued posts so that late comers can continue with them and also that along the way we can go back and take a look at it...

I am still working on the mantra.... I hope to have it done Saturday..... With all the studying I have been doing I have been getting behind the eight ball... I will definetly post it when I get done.....

This also is one of the hardest things for me.... I have a hard time thinking that i am worth it.... but I do.

[diphthong]

Link to Chapter 1 discussion, restarted after the website crash and the original was lost.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34698&page=1&pp=15

Chapter 2 is now open for discussion. Enjoy!

[Summerlover]

Thanks Dip! Here we go! Summer

[Hey Jude]

Well, looks like I missed the boat on the Chapter One discussion. I didn't realize that the threads would be locked.

My quick thoughts on the first chapter. I was buoyed up with a feeling of empowerment when Dr. Phil was saying that if we grasp all 7 keys we will lose all our excess weight and keep it off. It is the second part of this statement that fills me with hope. We all know that we can lose weight, but is the keeping it off that seems almost impossible.

"So if you will do what I am about to set out for you, you will lose your unwanted weight and you will keep it off. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. Further, what you are about to do doesn't work some of the time, it works all of the time."

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out, so that being what is fit and healthy for you is as natural and as normal as breathing."

OK Dr. Phil, I'm holding you to that!

On to Chapter 2. :)

[Summerlover]

Jude, I didn't know that the first thread would be locked either. All of this stuff is "Greek" to me. But, if it makes you feel better, all of the comments about chapter one were lost in cyberspace when the website crashed. On the thread that was restarted, the discussion had nothing to do with chapter one.

Now it is time for chapter two. I'm almost done, and when I am, I will post my chapter two comments.

Summer

[Summerlover]

This chapter was so great, it will be hard for me not to quote every single word. I will try to limit my quotes to what really hit me where I live.

I wish every teenage girl with an eating disorder could hear these words: If you are judging your body against the media images of beautiful people who are touched up, airbrushed up, pushed up, and whatever elsed-up, you are not living in the real world.

I was just interrupted by my next-door neighbor (I call her my next-door nightmare) who came by to drop off brownies. She drives me nuts for a variety of reasons, and the last thing I need in my kitchen right now is my greatest weakness. Okay, back to Dr. Phil.

I have a terrible body image. This is what struck me about what Dr. Phil has to say: Once you start appreciating your body, trust me, you will begin to take much better care of yourself, and you will find that weight loss is so much easier because you are treating yourself with respect. One of the most powerful ways to attain a more positive body image is to have realistic expectations about what you can achieve and then to set realistic goals to achieve them.

My goals are: To lose 70 lbs. in the next 26 weeks and maintain that weight loss within 10 lbs. That breaks down to 2.5 lbs. a week. I understand that I will hit plateaus. These are points along the way at which your weight loss will slow down or appear to stop or taper off as your metabolism shifts to accommodate your new healthier size. This is only your body making physiological adjustments. It does not mean you have stopped losing weight. As long as you stay focused and action-oriented, you will bulldoze right over these plateaus.

I am making myself accountable to you...3fatchicks. All of you are so supportive, knowledgable, and more help than anyone else in my life.

Current weight, 1/16/04: 235 lbs.
Goal weight, 7/16/04: 165 lbs.

Summer

[Mitchypoo]

I didn't realize it'd be locked either, I tried to add a link to this new/continuation of the thread, but wasn't able to. My concern is, sometimes it's hard to find the new thread, so it helps if someone puts a link at the end of the OLD thread to the new one. Anyway, I found you, and now maybe I can get into the book again. I'm trying to re-read it, but as always, I never seem to have enough time. Will try to concentrate on Chapter 2 and catch up with you all....

Have a great weekend.

Oh, I'm on Atkins induction phase since 1/1/04 and i've lost 11 lbs. :dance: Very happy about that, but I had a drink last night and hoping that won't halt my efforts.

[Summerlover]

Michele, congratulations on the outstanding weight loss!!! Summer

[diphthong]

Yes! Congrats, Michelle - great start to getting rid of those bad carbs and prepping for a new way of eating.

Sorry I'm late to the party, but it's been a hectic week.

Upon rereading Chapter 2, I realized I didn't pay close attention to all of the "shrink-speak" in it because I was anxious to get to the keys. But this time, I really digested what I was reading, especially about body image, and how we really feel about ourselves. Since this is a problem area for me, I will read it again, and probably a few more times during the journey.

I have had the best support system in place here at 3FC with whom I share the journey and accountability. The first thing I did to be accountable was to make public my weight. The second was making public my progress photos. Both were very hard to do, but it worked. Not only does it make me accountable to my peers, but more to myself.

My goals have been very specific from the beginning. I learned the advantage of setting specific goals long ago when I was in sales, and know they work as long as you persist, even through the rough stuff. I read my goals every morning, and think about specifically what I'm going to do that day. This includes preplanning my food on Fitday, and making appointments with myself to work-out and keeping them. My goals, which I have been doing all along are displayed here, http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34676

By setting specific goals and having a plan, you've created a roadmap for the journey. But you also need to be flexible and know ahead of time that you may have to make changes or adjustments, and be mentally prepared for it ahead of time in the event of. You can't throw in the towel when you plateau for the first time, and you can't allow yourself to get discouraged when it happens again.

Two things Dr. Phil says in this chapter I've heard him say many times -
Understand that it is not possible for you to be overweight unless you have generated and adopted a lifestyle to sustain it. ~ You have chosen to live in a way in which no other result could occur.

AND

You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.

Have we done this to ourselves? Yes. And that's what we have to acknowledge, as hard as that is. And get to the root of it.

dip

[happy heart]

Hi guys..boy have I had a hectic week. I have been really down in the dumps too, but things are looking up now.

The things that really hit me in chapter 2 are:

1. you can never, ever use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight... Alot of us think that being thin will make us happy. I am guilty of this too. I have to remember that losing weight will just enhance life and extend it too, because I will be much healthier and fit. I will have the energy to do the things that I enjoy doing. But other areas of life must be dealt with separately.

2. If you have unrealistic expectations, you can and will fail In the back of my mind, I want to be the pencil thin girl of my youth. I need to remember that age and having 2 children changes things and my stomach will probably never be rock hard and flat as a pancake again. I actually felt terrible when I was so thin, I remember being a teenager and trying so hard to gain weight so that I would feel better and look better. I am not sure what my "comfort weight" is right now, but I hope that I will know it when I get there and not want to go to far.

3. You cannot be wishy-washy about your decision to get your weight under control, and you can't run hot and cold from one day to the next.
I am doing much better at this now, but still find myself saying " well, I have blown it today, I might as well finish the day pigging out and start over tomorrow" This is a no-no and must be stopped. If I slip up during the day, I must get back on track immediately and not wait for tomorrow.


I hope everyone had a great week and I will try not to be so late next week. The kids and dh are off tomorrow, so it will be a short week for them anyway.That is one day I won't have homework to deal with!

[Summerlover]

Hey everyone! I would love to move on to chapter 3 by the end of the week. So, I'm giving everyone the "heads up" to get through chapter 2 and post sometime before the weekend. Chapter 3 should be easy. It is basically about finding out if you are ready to begin. It might be a wasted chapter because if we are reading the book and have recommitted to Dr. Phil's program, I sort of feel like we have already made that decision.

I want to honor everyone's busy schedules, so I don't want to rush anyone if you really haven't had time to deal with chapter 2. Chapter 2 is a crucial chapter, and it is important to feel like you have covered it thoroughly. So, even if it is next weekend, if someone really needs more time, we shall wait for you. Just let us know what you need.

Hopefully we can zoom through chapter 3.

Take care one and all!

Summer

[happy heart]

I am ready to move on whenever everyone else is. I am in no rush, just going with the flow.

[Jo_Pointer]

Hi all,

Like Dip, I too discovered that I hadn't given this chapter its proper due the first time around. I think breaking the book down into chapters this time instead of keys will be really helpful for me--thank you Summer!

Here is some of what struck me in this chapter:

Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. Losing weight is not a cure for life.

This is tied to Key 2, and I know it is the "key" to my keeping this weight off permanently.

One of the most powerful ways to attain a more positive body image is to have realistic expectations about what you can achieve and then to set realistic goals to achieve them.

In the past I have set hard to attain goals--usually a goal to lose too many pounds per week--then been disappointed when I didn't reach them. This time I am focusing on my short term goals and have set what I believe are realistic goals given my lifestyle, exercise, etc.

Having specific, carefully mapped out, vividly envisioned goals is an absolute requirement for success. Without such goals, you will fail.

I have written a very specific winning outcome statement (Weight Watchers) about my weight loss goal and how I will achieve it that will help me to keep myself accountable. Any other Weight Watchers out there? :chin:

Have a trusted, loyal checkpoint person in your life to whom you require yourself to report on your progress. At least once a week, check in with this person and report on your compliance toward reaching your goals.

I hope we can all be checkpoint people for one another.

A tried and true formula fits here: BE--DO--HAVE. BE committed, DO what it takes, and you will HAVE what you want.

Sounds simple enough, right!? I honestly believe that we CAN help one another on this journey. I can't tell you how much having you here has helped me already!

Jo
------
205.2/200.8/135 :wave:

Don't let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dream.

[Summerlover]

Jo, what a great posting! I thought I would check in before school, and I'm so glad I did. You inspired me to be "good" today. Thanks!

Summer

[diphthong]

Hi Jo! Those things were the exact same things that hit me but I was too lazy the other day to type it all out. I love it when we discover how much we all have in common!

dip

[HatterasMermaid]

Hey gang....

I'm SOOO overwhelmed with life right now. I've started Ch 2 at least 3 different times. Go on without me. I'll catch up. There is soooo much going on right now with my school life (I teach.)and my REAL life (Mom to two sons. Wife too!).......once again I have no time for me. I'm exhausted when my head finally hits the pillow at midnight. I get up at 5.....and YET.....STILL.......

Excuses, I know, are lame. I'm just so over my head. This is NOT how I wanted this to be. Please don't count me out of this group yet! BUT, don't wait for me any longer! Chapter 2 is "heavy" and I must give it the time and attention it deserves....and right now I can't. whine whine whine....

thanks for "listening" and understanding.........
Robyn

[diphthong]

Oh Robyn, do you ever need this book. So please don't give up. It's also about taking time for YOU, and getting done what needs to get done for YOU. And I understand just what you are going through, as many of us with families and jobs/careers.

One of the things that hit me up side the head when I read Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS is that when I got married this time (2nd), I lost ME.

So please hang in. Yes, Chapter 2 is 'heavy' and even if you take 10 minutes of quiet time when you can to get through it, we'll be here for you to discuss, OK?

Best wishes,
dip

[Daisynyc]

Is it too late join in? I have just finished the book and am just kind of thinking it all over. I would love to use this board as a motivator.

[diphthong]

Hi Daisy! I don't see why not. Most of us have already read the book, but we're rereading, chapter by chapter. Was there anything about Chapter 2 that hit home with you?

dip

[points]

Hi. I have been reading the posts and reading the book. I am on chapter 5. The 2nd chapter was a great eye opener for me. I always had trouble with goals but I see that I need goals. Attainable ones. I feel so much better when I hit a goal rather than feel like I am floundering. I am near my goal after losing 60 pounds but I need to find out why I usually gain back what I lose. I am determined not to do that this time around.
It is so true what Dr. Phil says about losing weight not solving unrelated problems. I feel much better but I still have unresolved issues in other areas.
Thanks for listening,
Terri

[diphthong]

Hi Terri and welcome! Gotta get to the heart of those unresolved issues, for sure. Like Dr. Phil says, "It's not what you're eating. It's what's eating you." Got that one posted on my frig.

dip

[points]

Thanks. I have heard him say that. It is so true.
Thanks for the welcome.
Terri

[Summerlover]

Welcome Terri & Daisy!

I am knee deep in report cards, so I won't be posting until I am done.

Dip, feel free to start chapter 3 whenever you are ready.

Summer :dizzy:

[diphthong]

You got it, Summer!

[HatterasMermaid]

Dip,
Thanks so much for your kind supportive words! :) It is my goal to get to Chapter 2 this week! My job has me soooooooo stressed out! .....like Summer, I also have report cards to do..... as well as deal with the painters in my classroom...and my students...and well..I'll spare you! :) Thanks tho for the support! I will return!
take care,
Robyn

[diphthong]

The following was posted by holdan29 in her introductio post. Although it pertains to Chapter 1, that thread has been closed, so I brought it over here for discussion-

"Myself and a friend have started Dr Phil's book , but have been stumped on the "Analyze and Respond to Your Self-Talk" on page 79, did anyone else find this hard to do as well ?"

Anybody? I have something on this, but will have to hold it til later today due to time constraints.

dip

[diphthong]

OK, holdan29 was stumped on analyzing her "self talk". Sorry I haven't been available to respond, but it's been a bad week.

I think much of our self-talk is like the same way we look at ourselves in the mirror. What we think about ourselves, and what we *think* we see in the mirror more than likely isn't real. On the last Dr. Phil show where he and son Jay were working with the teens, there was a young lady who seemed to have this problem. The one thing she was told to do, was to get a trusted friend who she *knew* would be honest with her, and ask that person to validate her opinions of herself.

So holdan29, don't allow yourself to get stumped on any one thing as you read the bbok. I think you'll find, as most of us have, that as you read it, and reread it, you will have "lightbulb moments" of realizations along the way. Those of us who are on the second round are getting things we didn't the first time. This journey is a learning and growing experience, and as much as we have in common, it's going to be different for each. Here is the link to the first discussion on Key 1:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32571


Hope this helps-

dip

[holdan29]

Thanks dip, I think maybe we were "overanalyzing" the "Analyze and Respond To your Self Talk" , We went back over it , and I think we got ourselves thru that :) We are certain that we will be back to reread like you guys have mentioned ,I just hope I am not as confused on the rest :dizzy: LOL Again thanks!!!

I hope this week is a much greater week for you, take care ;)

[Irish Tart]

Well, I entered my text and somehow it vanished so I will try to re-write what I wrote.

So here goes-
This is what I got out of chapter one. Make a decision to changeand make it a measurable and realistic goal with an assigned time line. Abandon the negative parts of my lifestyle, the parts that support my being overweight.
Desire is not enough, I have to know what and how. Find my own personal truth and realize that and set about changing what no longer works.
There is no "One size fits all" weight solutions.
Don't look to far ahead and get discouraged; stay in the here and now and work the plan.

Get real about my weight loss goal..I have this one as I am 5'5 and need to weigh 140-135 on a medium build frame.

I need to make specific defined goals and actions to make my weight loss happen.

There is more to weight loss than just the pounds lost.
I need to find the "why" in my weight loss goals and make it personal for me.

There are many different components to weight loss and I need to use what works for me and try to incorporate as many different methods i.e. relaxation techniques, exercise that I like and can do, a healthy diet that I like and follow, motivational tools that are unique to me.
I need to adopt a lifestyle that sustains my weight loss once I reach goal ,otherwise I run the risk of gaining it all back, plus some.

I am still working the exercises in chapter two ,so more later.
Lots to think about. I need to get real on what I can do during the week when I am baby sitting and be willing to just do what I can even if it is only in fifteen minute increments.

[diphthong]

Wow, Irish! Thanks for the refresher. Some times we get so caught up in other things, it's good to read another's personal interpretation of the same project. That's what makes this forum so cool.

I like this - "There is more to weight loss than just the pounds lost."

Writing is confirmation of thought. I think it's important to journal and write your thoughts out, even if just randomly here as message posts at 3FC in each appropriate forum. One thing I love about 3FC is that no matter what, some one is always there to support you, offer an ear, or an objective opinion. There are so many changes during this journey, and it is so helpful as well as essential to have support, from those going it through it too, and from those who have walked in your shoes.

Hope to see more postings here at Dr. Phil . . .

dip

[Jen]

Hey is anyone out there?? Been kind of quiet here in dr. phil land so I thought I would open up a discussion on the second chapter of his book.

The bit that I have problems with this is that I know mentally that I will not lose weight overnight, it is going to take a long time, probably at least a year of consistant effort to lose the amount of weight that I want to lose. I don't think that all my problems will be solved by losing weight. I do have a terrible self image about my body and how I look and that is what dr phil is trying to address in this chapter. I have a hard time making a sticking to goals that will change my behaviours. For example I need to have a place to sit and eat all my meals and snacks (that is in the book under one of the keys) because I often snack sitting on the couch watching tv or reading or we eat all our meals in front of the tv. I know that is a huge NO-NO but when you've been doing it practically all your life it is hard to change. I want to change this habit for myself but also for my 3 year old son who is turning into a tv addicted couch potato already. Anyway I'm going to sit down and re-read this chapter and do the 'homework' (writing down the goals etc) and see where I go from there.

If anyone else would like to comment on this chapter please post!!

[e.mccoy]

Hey Jen,

How is everything going? I'm alright. I apologize for not logging on lately, I started school this week. Is it just me or I every college girl a size 2! :lol:
But anyway, I really haven't been reading this week. I'm up to neck in homework. But I have recently read that chapter you are on, and I said the same things. Jen we are so much alike. I have those same problems and Ive asked myself those same questions. I wish I had a solution for you but I don't because im going through the same thing you are. It's twice as hard now that I go to school full time. I have discovered that our school has this state of the art fitness center and swimming pool, which is wonderful. I went in there onh tuesday and worked out for about 45 minutes and the best thing about it is that it's free!!! But I have stuck to any of my goals and my eating habits have totally demished. So you are not alone. But Jen don't be so hard on yourself. Just sit down and continue reading Dr.phil im sure he will give you some stratagies to overcome your low self esteem. Just keep your head up. I think i've actually gained about five pounds since I said I wanted to lose weight. So don't feel bad. Well im off to do homework :comp:
Talk to you later

[Jen]

So this has been on my mind a lot lately. I've started back at the gym and set myself up with a cardio and weight training program. My goals there are to do cardio at least 5 times a week and weights 2-3 times a week. I've found that I have problems when I do weights and then have to work later in the day. It is too much for me at this point so I am only doing weights on the days when I am not working. At this point I am not going to the gym on the weekends, that may change in a few weeks. I am going to stick with the same programs for 4 weeks starting this week and then I will re-evaluate and see where I can improve. As far as my eating goes I am making some small changes. Already we are eating at the dining room table more but I need to stop snacking or what I need to do is schedule my snacks. What I really, really need to do is sit down and make out a plan of what I am going to eat every day, I tend to just sort of wing it. So at this point I am not going to commit to eating as if I was doing the rapid start program but my main goal is to start planning what I am eating, schedule myself to eating 3 meals and 2 snacks. I will try to follow his outline but I'm not going to go crazy restricting myself on the carbs. I'll try to cut back but I probably won't stick to 1 or 2 servings a day.

I don't think I have low self esteem generally, I don't like my body and think I look terrible but I'm not sure that is really low self esteem. I think I am a very intelligent, funny, sociable person. I just hate the way I look. I try not to beat myself up about my weight it is just that I know better. I am knowledgable about nutrition and exercise. It just comes down to practicing what you preach.

[LuckyLadyBug]

Are you doing a chapter a week? I did this before and loved it. I want to do it again - reading, sharing, learning. It really has helped me a lot.

Just wondered if this thread was doing that????

[scrappinitblue]

Well I'm new here but I thought I would weigh in (bad pun) on this subject. I don't have my book in front of me to refer to so I hope this makes sense!

I too have a hard time with realizing that it is going to take months to reach my goals. I'm trying to take baby steps. I do make up weekly menus, I use meals.com to help plan them and then put the meals into my Fitday program and it calculates all the calories, fats, cards, vitamins, etc that the meal has. That has been a huge timesaver and help. I schedule snack times into my day. I think of them as a recharge time. I brush my teeth after supper and turn the lights off in my 'kitchen' to signify that it is closed.

One thing that I am going to start this week is to start making a weight loss album. I love to scrapbook and it would be a great way to motivate myself into keeping on track as well as monitoring my progress.

Since I've joined up to this forum I'm renewing my commitment to get more active. Tomorrow I'm going to go to the Pace Fitness in town here and take the orientation. Then I'm going to go for a walk for 30 minutes. Small measurable goals make all the difference with me. Wish me luck!

Wanda

[Jen]

Are you doing a chapter a week? I did this before and loved it. I want to do it again - reading, sharing, learning. It really has helped me a lot.

Just wondered if this thread was doing that????

There haven't been too many people currently reading book and looking to discuss it, hey we lead busy lives! So I haven't really come back to start up a new post on the next chapter. I think it is a good idea to discuss the book because sharing view points would be helpful to understand what he is trying to get across. I'll start a new post on the Chapter 3 in the next day or 2 and see if anyone is interested in more discussion.

[Angel26519]

Hi Guys!

I thought I would go ahead and get this thread started.

Here are some former posts in reference to this area. I hope these help. I like getting it all together into one area for review.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32571

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35691&highlight=%22Chapter%22

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35077&highlight=%22Chapter%22

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45825&highlight=%22Chapter%22

So What is everyone elses thoughts on this Chapter???

[MistySeptember]

Angel, thanks for all the helpful links to past discussions. I breifly skimmed them as DD is into everything this morning. Toddlers, got to luv 'em. I plan on going back and reviewing them when the babies nap.

Here are my thoughts on Chapter two. I wrote them in Word last night while I had a min. to myself. They are quite long so bear with me...

I very much enjoyed chapter two. It was a real eye opener. It is hard to “Get Real”. My self image and my body image are so skewed and have been for so long it is difficult to determine what is real.

I think that all along my expectations have been realistic. I have never thought I could weigh 112, which is what the low end of the height/weight chart says I should. Last time I weighed 112 I was probably 12. When I was 12 my dad required my sister and I to run with him 1 mile everyday, then as a family we would walk 3.5 miles after dinner. This was rain, shine, snow, sleet, hail, what have you, we walked. We always walked to the grocery store about 2.5 miles away and walked home carrying all our groceries. In the winter we cross country skied. In the summer we got up every morning and rode our bicycles 14 miles. On weekends a 10 mile hike was a breeze and 30 mile bike rides were not uncommon. In the summer my sister and I also spent 5-6 hours or more every weekday at the town pool, which we got to on bicycle (it was about 2 miles from our house). I weighed probably 120-130 when I was in my teens. I did not eat red meat, we weren’t allowed to eat processed cereal, everything we ate was monitored and approved by my parents, and my sister and I were required to spend 45 min. every night on the Stairmaster. We had to show our dad a pedometer read out proving we did it. I worked as a lifeguard and swimming instructor. I ran at least 5 miles in the water 3 nights a week teaching lessons, I taught aqua-aerobics twice a week and at one point I taught two classes so it was four times a week, not including what I swam and the several hours I spent just walking around the pool during lap swim. I was fit, lean and I thought I was so fat. I am small boned really, I wear a size 7 ½ shoe, my largest ring size is a 6 ½. I thought b/c I was small boned I should weigh 112 like those charts said. I’m not telling you all this b/c I want to complain about my childhood, I’m just saying that even with extreme exercise and diet I could not weigh 112. So I have always set my goal to 135.

The definition of body image on page 23 really got me thinking. Dr. Phil says, “Don’t think of body image as what you see when you look in the mirror; it’s the reaction you have within yourself in response to what you see.” I thought about that. What came to my mind about my reaction to what I see Repulsive, Lazy, Gross, Globby. But these are the same reactions I have had since my teens. Looking back I don’t understand that reaction to the body I had then. I was healthy and active; you could probably bounce a quarter off my stomach. But for some reason I remember feeling so huge and gross. My body image was so out of synch with what I really looked like. My body image now is harsh but not distorted.

I agree with Dr. Phil when he says, “How you feel about your body can have a dramatic effect on your self-concept…..What you believe about your body shapes your self-concept and how it gets expressed.” That is so true. My body image from my teens affected the way I put myself out there to people. I thought I was fat, I dressed like I was fat, I assumed people wouldn’t like me b/c I was fat. Strange to look back on that.

At first I wasn’t sure about the part on loving and accepting your body as it is now (pg 24). This was a bit hard for me to swallow. I do not want to accept my body as it is now. But reading further down the page Dr. Phil states “If you are truly out of shape and you don’t like it, then having a negative body image may mean you are taking a realistic view…” That is me, and now I know it’s ok to not like how I look. You have to acknowledge the areas that you need to improve on, and the improve on them.

On page 25 we see that we need to use our gifts that we give to everyone else on ourselves as well. We need to give ourselves the same kindness and respect we’d give others. This is an area where I need to focus.

The section “Get-with-it-goal setting” made so much sense to me. First, goals must be realistic with specifically defined actions you will use to reach them. You must also include how that goal will make you feel once you reach it. The goal is then multifaceted. I did however have difficulty getting my goal to be specific enough as far as how it will feel. Did anybody else find that true? Once I answered all the questions in the goal setting exercises I think I ended up with a very clear goal. Here are my answers to the exercises:

Write what it is you hope to achieve (the number of pounds or the desire to maintain your weight loss within a certain range once you have reached it):
I want to reach a healthy weight of 135 and maintain that weight.

Describe what you will do (the behaviors or actions you must commence, change or stop in order to lose weight):
I will master the seven keys, learning to accept myself, gain control of food, eat for nutrition, and exercise.

When you lose weight, you want to feel:
When I lose weight I want to feel proud of my new shape, comfortable with myself, healthy and free of my poor relationship with food.

Review what you have already written. Express your goals in terms of measurable outcomes such as how many pounds you want to lose. I want to reach a healthy weight of 135 and maintain that weight. I will master the seven keys, learning to accept myself, gain control of food, eat for nutrition. I will use my tred mill at least 5 days per week for a min. of one hour per day, I will also incorporate one of my exerscise dvds 3 days per week. I will create time to do these things for myself by getting up early and setting aside time after the kids go to bed. (right now I have found I can squeeze in a couple half hour sessions a day on the treadmill. It's hard to get to a high intensity for any length of of time in a half an hour, but right now it's better than nothing.)

Assign a time line to your goal.

Create a timeline for achieving your goal.
I will lose 25lbs by Christmas 2004. I will lose a total of 50 pounds by March 1st 2005, I will lose the remaining weight by September 1st 2005.

Break down your goal into manageable steps.

Know what your steps will be as you learn more about the seven keys come back here and add other steps. Record the steps involved in reaching your goal:
I will use the seven keys and follow the action steps presented
I will treadmill 5 hours per week and do 3 workouts per week
I will eliminate junk food from my life

Create accountability.
Have trusted person that you check in with each week about your preogress. List those people who might be helpful:
You ladies here on this forum
My sister, Summer

I think with this goal I am well on my way to “reversing the negative momentum.” I am ready to start implementing my goals. I feel like I have a plan. Not so much a "on program" "off program" sort of way to weight loss. I am still doing WW points though. I will continue with that until I figure out the whole high yield low yeild thing when we move on to future chapters. Right now it seems to be "working for me."

Have a great day all. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter. Last week I learned a lot about things I may have missed. Sorry this is so long. You'll prolly figure out that I tend to be long winded about everything lol. :lol:

[Angel26519]

Dr Phil spoke of talking to ourselves in how we want to be. I just found the thing that Zig talked about that was similar.
This process is actually for the business side of your life but I thought if we tweaked this some we could use it for our weight loss goals also.

1) You have to make a personal commitment in writing that states the following:
I, Ursula, am serious about setting and reaching my goals in my life so on this 10th day of November, 2004, I promise myself that I will take the first step toward setting those goals.
I am willing to exchange temporary pleasures in the pursuit of happiness and the striving for excellence in the pursuit of my goals. I am willing to discipline my physical and emotional appetites to reach the long-range goals of happiness and accomplishment. I recognize that to reach my goals I must grow personally and have the right mental attitude, so I promise to specifically increase my knowledge in my chosen field and regularly read positive growth books and magazines. I willalso attend lectures and seminars, take courses in personal growth and development. I will utilize my time more effectively by listening to motivational and educational recordings while driving or performing routine tasks at home or in the yard. I will keep a list of my activities including the completion dates for each project in my Goals Program. I further promise to list good ideas (mine and those of others) and to note thoughts, power-phrases, and quotations, which have meaning to me.

2) From Zig Ziglar - The eyes are the windows of the soul. So, to become the person you are capable of becoming, each evening, just before you go to bed, stand in front of a mirroe alone and in the first-person, present-tense, look yourself in the eye and repeat with passion and enthusiasm paragraphs A, B, C & D. Repeat this process every morning and every evening from this day forward. Within one week you will notice remarkable changes in your life. After thirty days add the last procedure.

A I, Ursula, am an honest, intelligent, organized responsible, commited, teachable person who is sober, loyal, and clearly understands that regardless of who signs my paycheck I am self-employed. I am an optimistic, punctual, enthusiastic, goal-setting, smart working self-starter who is disciplined, focused, dependable, persistent positive thinker with great self control, and am an energetic and diligent team player and hard worker who appreciates the opportunity my company and the free enterprise system offer me. I am thrifty with my resources and apply common sense to my daily taskes. I take honest pride in my competence, appearance and manners and am motivated to be and do my best so that my healty self-image will remain on solid ground. These are the qualities which enable me to manage myself and help give me employment security in a no-job-security world.

B I, Ursula, am compassionate, respectful encourager who is a considerate, generous, gentle, patient, caring, sensitive, personable, attentive, fun-loving person. I am supportive, giving and forgiving, clean, kind, unselfish, affectionate, loving, family-oriented human being and I am a sincere and open-minded good listener and a good-finder who is trustworthy. These are the qualities which wnable me to build good relationships with my associates, neighbors, mate and family.

C I, Ursula, am a person of integrity, with the faith and wisdom to know what I should do and the courage and convictions to follow through. I have the vision to manage myself and to lead others. I am authoritative, confident, and humbly grateful for the opportunity life offers me. I am fair, flexible, resourceful, creative, knowledgeable, decisive, and an extra-miler with a servant's attitude who communicates well with others. I am a consistent, pragmatic teacher with character and a finely-tuned sense of humor. I am an honorable person and am balanced in my personal, , family, and business life, and have a passion for being, doing, and learning more today so I can be, do and have more tomorrow.

D THese are the qualities of the winner I was born to be and I am fully commited to developing these marvelous qualities with which I have been entrusted. Tonight, I'm going to sleep wonderfully well. I will dream powerful, positive dreams. I will awaken energized and refreshed; tomorrow's going to be magnificent and my future is unlimited. Recognizing, claiming and developing these qualities which I already have gives me a legitimate chance to be happier, healthier, more prosperous, more secure, have more friends, greater peace of mind, better family relationships and legimate hope that the future will be even better.

(In the morning say - These are the qualities of the winner I was born to be and I will develop and use these qualities to achieve my worthy objectives. Today is a brand new day and it's mine to use in a marvelously productive way.

After 30 Days Add this step: Choose your strongest quality and the one you feel needs the most work. Example: Strongest- honest. Needs most work - organized. Ona seperate 3x5 card print : I, Ursula, am a completely honest person and every day I am getting better and better organized. Keep this 3x5 card handy and read it out loud at every opportunity for one week. Repeat this process with the 2nd stongest and needs the most work qualtities. Do this until you've completed the entire list. Use the self-talk procedure as long as you want to get more of the things money will buy you and all of the things that money won't buy you.

Note: Because of some painful experience in the past (betrayal, abuse, etc) there might be a word or two that brings back unpleasant memories (example - discipline). Eliminate the word or substitute another word.


While some people may think this is hokey... and to be honest the 1st few times I did this I couldnt look myself in the eye all the way through and also felt uncomfortable. It really does work. The year that I used this my income more than doubled. HONEST! I dont know why I quit using it but it is VERY POWERFUL.

I think we could tweak this for our weight loss journey. As Dr Phil states what ever you think about yourself, you are right. So if we start saying positive things to ourselves everyday and look ourselves in the mirror we will start believing it and living it.

What do you guys think of this. Sorry it was so long winded I wanted to write it word for word because I thought that was important.

[LuckyLadyBug]

I think we could tweak this for our weight loss journey.


GREAT IDEA, Angel.

I am printing and studying it.


THANK YOU for sharing this.

[Angel26519]

I am glad you like this Lucky Lady. I am hoping that we can use this somehow. I really do know it works.

[Jen]

Great posts, Misty and Angel. It is hard to read through his book and make these self affirmations to yourself and you have both done a great job. Misty as I was reading through your self description of your childhood I wondered if your feelings of being overweight came from your parents in some way? It seems that they had a lot of control over what you ate and that you kept active, not that this is a bad thing!!! but maybe they were a bit too controlling?? Just wondering.

As for myself I think I have always been realistic about how long it would take me to achieve my goals and I don't think I have set them too high. I want to get to a weight of 125 lbs which considering my height and build is a reasonable goal. If I exercise and mind my eating I could achieve this goal in a year. Yes I have a negative image about myself but considering how overweight I am I think that this is also realistic. How can I love my body when it is so horribly out of shape? That isn't to say that I don't love myself. There are days when I want to slap myself upside the head because I've done something I should know better than to do. Those are the behaviours that are stopping me from achieving my goals so I need to further examine these behaviours to see what I can do to change them.

[Angel26519]

Hi Gang!

Misty, I think Jen maybe right about the weight being from childhood control. I wonder if you kinda went wild once you were away from them. I know I would. And maybe you see eating right and working out as a mild form of punishment since they made you do it so much when you were growing up. Just something for you to think about.

Anyway, I finished my thoughts on chapter one this morning and will start working on my chapter two later today or tomorrow. I have started reading it.

[MistySeptember]

Angel and Jen you are completley right. I know my eating issues stemmed from the crazy childhood I had. My sister and I both have weight issues. I freaked out in college and ate everything I wasn't allowed to as a kid. To this day I find myself saying, "You know I was never allowed to eat as much of ________ (fill in the blank) as I wanted to. Now, I can so I am going to."

It's all about the control...then I lost control. You are right exercise is like punishment to me.

What I need to figure out is why I continue to allow the events of my childhood to control my life. Dr. Phil says you start to over eat for one reason, but it continues for another. Hopefully this book will help me figure it out.

In the past few days I have realized that I am ok. I have a realistic goal, I know what I need to do, now I just need to do it. That control I wanted so badly is mine to have. I am in control of this. I am learning to enjoy exercise, I like the way it makes me feel strong and energetic.

Angel, I very much liked the self affrimation you posted from Zig Zigler.

Jen, I think you have a very specific goal with a very specific time line set. I think you've nailed Chapter Two.

[Jen]

Misty, maybe in some way you are doing a rebellion thing against your parents control and even though it has been a lot of years since they had that control this is what you are still rebelling against. Maybe there are things in your life you don't feel like you have control over and you feel at least that now you have control over your eating whereas before your parents had the control. Just some thoughts.

As for me I really don't see that I am an emotional eater. I eat a lot out of boredom, laziness, habit but not because I get really angry or sad. I think dr. phil would have an easy time with me...he'd say I'm fat because I'm being lazy and he'd be right!

[MistySeptember]

Jen I think you are right. My eating started as a rebellion against the strict control they exerted. Perhaps I am still rebelling or maybe you are right I feel that I have lost control over something in my life now and dealing with food is my way of gaining control. At least now I am controlling it in a good way. I am making sure I eat right.

I never really considered myself an emotional eater. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't binge when I am happy or sad. I don't use food as a "friend", I don't eat food b/c I know it won't reject me. Those are what people typically assume you do when you emotionally eat. I guess in someways prior to my recent changes you could say I ate b/c of rebelling and I guess that is an emotion. I just think of emotional eating as crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's. But I guess it's not.

Which brings me to an interesting question that I have been debating the last couple days. Is boredom an emotion? I never really thought of it as one. If it's not an emotion I don't know what it is. But I know I eat when I am bored. When DH is gone and I am just sitting around looking for something to do I used to eat. I don't feel lonley or sad, just bored. I never really considered this emotional eating. I am still not sure that it is. Thankfully in the past 12 weeks since I started trying lose weight I haven't been eating out of boredom. And now with two babies to keep up with, I don't have time to be bored.

Thanks again for all your support!

[Angel26519]

Hi All!

Yes I think boredom is an emotion. It is how you feel. Feelings=emotions. I am an emotional eater. I do eat when stressed, upset, bored, etc. It isnt that I think food wont reject me or that it loves me. More that it medicates me. Kinda numbs me out if you know what I mean. The comfort factor.

Well Hubby and I have been fighting today. I LOVE CHRISTMAS and CHRISTMAS Decorations. Not that I think they are necassarily fun but it is all about attitude when you are putting them up. You can either have the attitude that this sucks and therefore I am going to make everyone around me miserable about it or Yeah this sucks but I am gong to have fun along the way. Well Hubby makes it agony and makes it agony for everyone around him. He doesnt like to do it and doesnt let anyone forget that he doesnt like to do it. It becomes a rotten day. (PS - I know we are early putting them up. We dont normally put them up this early it is just that we are going out of town for Thanksgiving to Florida to visit MOM, come home on SUnday to leave out on Friday to go to Las Vegas to visit DAD, to come home on the following Sunday to have the Women's Circle Christmas Party that Monday here- so we dont have time to do it any other time.)

Anyway, It is gong to be a great day here! LOL

[LuckyLadyBug]

Page 23
I need to work on building the right mind-set in order to get on and stay on the right track.

I think this is a biggy for me. I don't have the right mind-set to lose weight.

Page 31
If I can recognize that it's not the specific weight I want to attain, but also the feelings that I associate with it.
Which also says I don't think I can have those feelings without being slender!

When I know what I want - how it looks, how it feels, and what experiences it contain - then I can begin to guide my life like a ship toward the harbor light because I now have goals that are exactly, precisely and realistically defined.
I like "guide my ship towards the harbor light".

pg 34 - Understand that it is not possible for you to be overweight unless you have generated and adopted a lifestyle to sustain it.
I really hate facing that one!! :mad:

But one can't change what one doesn's acknowledge.

pg 32 - When he said I have to have a goal to succeed I almost quit. I never make goals - and I don't know why. Fear of failure, I suppose.

I weighed around 130 until about 9 years ago but in my mind I always looked like I do now at 233. I made it all come true.

Is it fear of failure or fear of achieving success and finding out that I have to change other things?

Okay, I have to work on this goal setting thing. :dizzy:

[MistySeptember]

Angel- UGGGGGHHHHH! Christmas decorations, I am so not ready. I can see though that you need to do it now. My mom put hers up b/c she had to have her annual holiday party yesterday b/c that's when every one was available. My mom put up 4 trees, 2 villages and gobs of lights, snowmen and garland. She's obessed with Christmas, she plays holiday music all year and really starts in with it in August when she begins gearing up. :dizzy: I think she has worn out all her Chirstmas videos and now has bought them on DVD. I know every carrol, and random holiday song by heart from listening to them growing up. But despite the fact we pick on my mom about her obsession, and we hate to listen to Christmas music my sister and I did come away with a silly tradition of our own. My mom had a record (she still listens to it on vinyl b/c it never came out on cd) that had this song about "The day before the night before Christmas and I'm busy busy busy being good" so now my sister and I try to call each other as early as possible on "the day before the night before Christmas" and sing that song to each other. It's like a little competition, we've even called in the middle of the night just to be first.

When I was a kid my dad was much like your hubby, he took all the joy out of the decorating. He did love to go get a tree though, go figure. Now he's almost as into it as my mom, not quite but almost. It was at times more stress than it's worth.

They are all mad at me b/c I am not putting up a tree this year. With two small kids, two rambunctious dogs, and two spastic cats a tree doesn't sound like fun to me. It's not like my kids won't see a tree. We have 6 places to eat dinner and open gifts. 1 on the 24th, 3 on the 25th, 1 on the 26, and 1 on the 1st. But this year I am employing my right thinking and remembering how much I love all the people we will get to see, and how nice it will be to enjoy thier company. My half sister from Indiana is coming for the first time in over 10 years, with her son who I have only seen once and he is 5. She moved away when she was 8 and I have only seen her twice in that time. It will be the first time in 10 years that all of my cousins have been home for Christmas. So this year I am not going to worry about the fact that DH is not getting the usual amount for profit share, or the fact that we have 36 people (at last count) to buy gifts for. I am going to concentrate on the joy.

You know, I for some reason never really associated boredom with an emotion. But you are right it's feeling. So if I eat out of bordom then I am an emotional eater. I do find comfort in food. When you said "Kinda numbs me out if you know what I mean. The comfort factor." That sure rang a bell for me. I guess when I honestly think about it I do that too. I have eaten to numb out the stress of the day, or the bordom. I eat for something to do. So this has been a huge light bulb moment for me :idea: . I didn't think I was an emotional eater, but I guess when I look at it I am. I was wondering if all of the information in the book that applies to your emotions would apply to me. I guess it will after all. You can't change what you don't aknowledge. THANKS!!

LuckyLadyBug- Your post also got me thinking. I am interested in what you said about the feelings associated with our goal weight. Maybe we can discuss this further? I think you may be right by saying that passage means we can't feel those feelings without reaching our goal. Hmmmmm. But is this a bad thing? The feelings I associate with reaching my goal are pride for achieving something I have been working on for years, the feeling of being comfortable with myself and my body, the feeling of being healthy, and freedom from a poor relationship with food. Definitley something for me to think about.

I know how you feel when you say, "I weighed around 130 until about 9 years ago but in my mind I always looked like I do now at 233. I made it all come true." That's me. As I said in an earlier post I was fit and healthy, but I was convinced I was so fat. And now here I am. How do you think you will feel about yourself when you reach your goal? I wonder if I wil continue to feel as though I am overweight as I did when I was healthier and thinner, or if by gaining all this weight I will have a greater appreciation for my body. I told my sister the otehr day "I had to gain and then lose all this weight to be happy with the body I had. I could have just been happy with that body to start with. But I thought I was so fat. Now that's my goal."

Maybe if you set very small goals for yourself after you have followed the exercises in the book you will feel less fearful? You know what your get real weight is and you know what you need to do to get there, but I understand how daunting it seems when you think how far away it is. Creating the time line helped me. But I also set small weekly goals for myself. One week it was eat a healthy breakfast instead of skipping this meal, one week it was drink 3 glasses of milk to get my 24 oz recommended for weightloss and health. I find it easier to continue the goal once I have done it a week or so. SOmetimes I do teh same goal more tahn one week. Start as small as you need to. I find it best to write it down and write throughout the week as I complete the goal. Sometimes my goal is a one day goal. For example "today I will take a walk."

I actually made myself a little chart and each week I review how I did and give myself a little star. I know I'm dorky, but really it's helped me see the smaller steps I need to take. Each week I get a star if I drink my water, exerscise 3 times (I will be increasing this soon), meet my weightloss goal of 2 lbs per week, journal, and if I stay within my points. I can now look back and see trends. I am on my thrid month of this. I don't beat myself up if I don't reach that goal, I just concentrate on it the next week.

Have a great day all. The kiddos are sleeping so now I am going to "Bless my heart" and body and hit the tread mill. The flylady has a great website recently I returned to it and found the phrase "bless my heart" in reference to exerscise...they don't like the "e" word there ;) so maybe If I think of it in that term it will seem less yucky. Is that "right thinking"?

[Jen]

Misty - 36 people to buy for???? That's way, way too much IMHO. About 2 years ago we cut off buying for practically everyone except the kids, our son of course, my nieces and nephew. We buy for each other of course and I buy something for my mom. We told everyone else that we weren't going to be buying them gifts any longer because it was too much to try and figure out what people wanted and get nice gifts on a limited budget. My in-laws in particular are very difficult to buy for as we almost never see them. With that many people in the family I would instigate a secret Santa thing where everyone draws a name or something like that. I was at the point where I was going mental trying to buy gifts at the last minute and it finally came to me that my life is too short to be wasting on that kind of futility.

I"m not certain that I would call boredom an emotion. I'll get so that I'm eating for something to do or I am eating out of thoughtlessness. Like I can't watch tv or read a book without a snack in my hand. I don't think that is emotional eating.

[MistySeptember]

You are right 36 is too many. But I have 6 siblings (ages 25, 19, 12, 11, 10, 8), Dh has 3 (all either adults or in college). So that's 9 right there. I have one nephew and he has never been here for Chirstmas, otherwise we are the only ones with kids in our immediate families, some of our cousins have kids. I don't usually buy for my sister who is 19 or her son,b/c we never knew if her mother would give her the gift or not and we never saw her. Once my sister who's 25 has kids I will probably just buy for her kids and not her. The 4 younger ones are all adopted kids who have special needs and Christmas is a big deal to them. We have very blended families. I am every kind of sister: full sister, half sister, step sister, adopted sister, foster sister, sister in law. :D

We still have holidays with all of our cousins on all three sides of our families. We are the younger generation. We still have to sit at the "kids" table, my sister in law is 33 and she's at the kids table. Our kids are sitting with us at the kids table, we now need a "kids' kids table". So when everyone is there there are 4 generations.

DH's mom passed away when he was 2, but we still celebrate with her parents and siblings (and thier kids and grandkids). Plus we have his step mom's side, and they are as close to him as if he were thier own. Then on my step mom's side we also get together with all my aunts and uncles, cousins and thier kids.

We are doing secret Santa on my Husband's side (both his biological mother's and his step mother's) for all of the cousins, so that's at least 4 gifts if not 6, depends on if DH and I draw names ourselves on the one side or if we just do our two kids.

My in laws live across the street and we live in a house they own and they help us out alot so I feel obligated to buy for them. As you can tell my mom is a Christmas nut and so she would be offended if I did not buy her a gift. She's my step mom really, (honestly she's the only mother I've known and I call her my mom), but she can be very rude about it all. They adopted the 4 kids and now she expects everyone to buy them as much as they bought us when we were younger, but there were only two of us. Figure if you spend $10 on each it's already $40. ANd really what can you get a 12 year old for $10?

I have to buy for my grandmother and unlce b/c they practically raised me for several years. They have helped me out so much. My grandmother paid off one of my smaller college loans. I will probably just have a calendar made with the kids pictures or something since she doesn't really need anything. So that means I have to buy for my step mom's dad or she will be offended I am favoring my dad's side. I don't really know my birth mother so I at least get a reprieve from that.

Then you add in my dearest friend who I've known since I was 8 and her daughter. Plus DH's cousin bought my daughter a small gift last year and I did not buy her children one so I feel obligated to reciprocate and if I buy her kids one then I have to buy her brother's little girl one too or she will feel left out. I will probably buy a small gift for a close neighbors' son who is only two days older than my daughter, since we got him a gift last year.

Then we have each other and our kids. And DH will have a secret santa at work.

It's an insane and vicious cycle. I feel obligated to buy for everyone. Many of the gifts are $5-$10, but that adds up quick. I did tell my mom I am combining her and my dad's gifts even though it's really more for my mom. Usually DH gets a couple thousand after taxes and 401K as profit share from his company. This year he might get $500. Which is still very nice. We just usually are able to buy for everyone from profit share. I think this year DH and I will not buy each other anything.

Well this is way offf the topic so I'll stop boring everyone with my holiday drama :lol: I am sure you guys all find yourself in this same situation. Hopefully you can be like Jen and narrow it down. I just may have to also. Have a great day:)

[MistySeptember]

Hi all!

Again sorry for my holiday ramblings. Angel, I know you are insanly busy the next few weeks. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts as you travel and I hope all your journeys are safe and enjoyable. Do you think we should wait until after Thanksgiving to start Chapter 3? Would you like to wait until after your holiday party? Do you think we should combine Chapters 3 and 4 since Chapter 3 is just the readiness audit? I know the audit is important, but it seems like there won't be as much to talk about with it. If you guys find that there is enough to open a seperate discussion on it that's cool too.

Have a great night!

[Angel26519]

Hi Guys!

Sorry for being AWOL!

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers this holiday. Lots of travel going on along with the other chaos of my life... :)

Anyway, I will go ahead and open another thread for discussion tomorrow that way you guys can converse while I am gone and then I will have something to look forward to come back to.

This week we go to Florida to have Thanksgiving with my Mom. I will be back on Sunday. Then I head out the following Friday to Las Vegas to see my Dad. And then we go to Dallas to see my in-laws for Christmas. I will be all over the country by the time this is all done! I am telling all my family that next year if they want to see me they will have to come to me. My fanny aint moving.

I will open the next thread tomorrow.

[MistySeptember]

Don't worry yourself over the thread. I know you are very busy :) If you get to it that's great, if not we all understand :)