Discussion 1: Dr Phil's Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss

[Angel26519]

Ok Ladies and Gents!

The day has finally arrived! YEAH!

We have a great looking crowd and I am impressed and excited!

This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss

Some Suggestion Questions that I have:

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out" I have tried all the other stuff without looking on the inside. I know that so much of my problems is the emotional garbage that I have hidden down below that needs to come out one way or another..... I just keep shoving it back down with food!

"Your Goal Wieght is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight. I have always looked at those charts are what actress weigh that are my height and think "thats where I need to be"... never taking into account that 110#'s on me doesnt look good. I have been there a LONG time ago.... I am a larger boned, big busted girl.... Then I was looking at 125# until my 15 year old daughter got there and realized thats too thin for me also.... so now I am looking at 135-140#.... I do like that he says all the stuff about the charts being guides and that alot of charts are old and unreasonable. It makes me feel less guilt when I dont reach what those charts tell me I am supposed to reach!

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" Ok this one is harder for me.... I am someone that wants to jump right in and get to the plan.... what workout do I need to follow - what food do I need to eat..... Ok I need to stand on my head and twirl and I will lose 1# a twirl...ok.....so to slow down and do this journey is hard for me. That is why I think the book club is an excellent idea.... It gives me time to let this stuff "sink" in...

"what is your personal truth?"My currnet personal truth - what I keep saying to myself is that I am not worth what I have. Like I dont deserve to have a great hubby after being a single mom for 13 years, that I dont deserve to get paid what I earn, that I am ugly, an embarassment to my family, that I am stupid, and I am desperate. I have what I think of as small panic attacks thinking I will never succeed in losing this weight and that at some point everyone is going to realize how much of a fraud I truly am....... I know in my right mind that this is bull.... that I have earned everything... that I have struggled but my other mind doesnt think so.... the other mind is my mother telling me that there has to be a man out there that like smart, pudgy girls (when I weighed 140#s), how my granfather told me that i would like having sex with him because all the prostitutes on Hollywood Ave did it all the time, etc.... lots of wrong personal truths. That is what I am hoping to walk away from. To be able to look in the mirror and say I am beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, and worth everything that GOD has seen fit to bless me with!

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I am not sure if I totally buy into but it does seem to be truthful to some degree. I can be so dedicated for awhile and then poof no motvation, no nothing!

I am going to stop for now. I may bring up more stuff later... but would like to hear from everyone else! This should be one hoping group!

[diphthong]

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I started my journey back in March with very little faith in myself. And zero "willpower." What I did was to challenge myself to see if changing other things in my lifestyle would effect my eating and self-esteem. I managed to lose the first 20 pounds, and plateaued, so I began to read, research and experiement with food and exercise. 6 months later, it's still working even though I have emotional issues to deal with. Stealing a quote from a buddy on another forum, "I guess I showed me" (that it can be done.)

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" . . . No problem. Experience has shown me that this will be a lifetime commitment, and even after reaching a goal weight, "maintenance" is continuing with a new way of life and lifestyle, thus incorporating forever a new way of eating/exercising and dealing with unnecessary emotional pain that only I allow to surface.

"what is your personal truth?" . . . I am lonely. I don't trust other women and the one I have trusted most recently let me down, and is also a negative influence, constantly *****ing about anything and everything. I depend on my husband to fulfill all my emotional needs. When he doesn't, I become angry, but it's a self-imposed anger because it's not him, it's me. Even though my anger is misplaced, it still happens and I end up making myself miserable. This all goes back to being a lonely child and having a mother who was unavailable and very critical when she did interact with me. I also have 2 siblings, older but whom I never bonded with. And both of them are messed up in their lives, much worse than I.

I also have an issue with my body. When I was 17, I was beaten, raped and sodomized by a boy I had known since the 2nd grade. So I know I have tried to make myself unattractive for that reason. Also, mother's voice returns saying "that if a man really loves you, it doesn't matter what you look like." And the visual connection is a mother who was morbidly obese all of her life. One thing I have heard Dr. Phil say is that the mother-daughter, father-son relationship is the most important to a child, and that the significant parent is the role model for the child. No wonder I'm so screwed up!

dip

Since writing the above early this morning, I have spent the last 6 hours journaling, and had what I think was a large breakthrough moment. I easily blamed trying to make myself unattractive because of the rape. Actually, I began to gain theweight at 22, just prior to getting pregnant, not before then. My first husband was extremely jealous and turned out to be abusive. He even accused me of fooling around with the landlord and the butcher. I was attractive and men flirted with me, but I never gave him reason to believe I took any of it serious. I now remembered I was close to 160 when I got pregnant, from 135. When I delivered my son I was 232, took some off, but never got below 190.

Don't get me wrong, the rape did have an effect on me, but it was my family's reaction that hurt more than anything. I won't go into details but I will say that I was hurting that I am estranged from my siblings,- but not any more. This process, even this early on, is setting me free.

Thanks, Sunny D for your kind and thoughtful words.

dip

[SunnyD57]

:wave:Hi DIP ~ I just had to say something about all you suffered. I am so very sorry! (((Hugs))) But you have come so far and showed everyone (and foremost - yourself!) that you are a' true survivor '... this is a huge step for you and you have already taken those first few tough steps and succeeded... you will do well!
I am inspired by you and KNOW you will make it to the top!
May God Bless YOU!

[SunnyD57]

Hello everyone!!! Yeaaahh, the day is finally here! And I have gone for my Curves workout and am now ready for a "New Beginning" :)

This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? YES!!! Tons!!! But here's one: Goal setting! {on page 32 - Paragraph 2} "When he states, "you will be able to see it, feel it and experience it in your mind, in your heart, and in your spirit" Yes!

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out" Another paragraph in the book really hit home with me pertaining to this {on page 8} ~ "To Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become, a person with a greater level of dignity and worth who, for probably the first time ever, is finally going to succeed --- for a Lifetime." Here! :cp: Here!

"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight. Now I think I have a good weight for me in mind. One time, years ago (in my 20's), I went down to 135lbs and stayed there for almost 8 years! Now I know I will not go that low but I think 145 to 150 is very reasonable for me. And attainable! I am 5' 6" and have been told --- you look fine! Not! I don't want to just look "fine", I want to "look great" and "feel great"! Thus... my new adventure. You would think that after losing it once and succeeding, I would be able to do it again easily - NOT! It's so much harder this time, but I KNOW one thing for sure... that because I am digging deeper emotionally I will figure out why I put that 55lbs back on this body and keep it off this time!
I am so excited about this new journey!!!!! :dance:

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until you've walked through all seven" Me too Angel... I am very impatient and want everything to be different NOW! You know like in "Bewitched" (okay---now I am dating myself :o )... she would wiggle her nose and "poof" all better. But it isn't that way and nothing "worth while" IS! When you work for it - it becomes more of a treasure and a success. I want to work for it and do it right this time!

"What is your personal truth?" My personal truth hummm :chin: I think it is to achieve contentment and acceptance of "myself". I am so quick to accept others as they are but never ME. My mother said she never needed to punish me because I was always harder on myself then any punishment she could give me when I made a mistake. I think that was because I never felt like I could 'live up' to my father's expectations for me. I still don't know what he wants from me today! And issue to be worked through...

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesn't work..... I must agree with you DIP & Dr. Phil... I don't think it has anything to do with 'Will-power'. I too had to turn it around to make the changes by challenging myself. I began in July, 2003 & found out that I am very competitive with me :D. I hold myself accountable for "MY" behavior, no one else is to blame for what " I " have done to myself... and now allowing you all in has given me another point of view in accountability. I like this in the book also {on Page 39} "The Formula: BE --- DO --- HAVE. BE committed, DO what it takes and you will HAVE what you want." So cool! Couldn't have said it better...

I am filled with JOY again about getting up in the mornings --- looking forward to sharing & enjoying one another here in this wonderful Forum and just love my new workout place at Curves and all my new Curves friends... what a great way to begin a day & a new way of living!
Well... second to Thanking my Lord for it!!

Thanks Angel! For all your hard work... you are great! :cp:

[sillymonkey]

Hi there! I'm glad we're going a chapter at a time...I'm not quite finished the book yet (meant to finish this weekend, but, well, looks like it will be this week instead). Great starter questions - here's my 2 cents.


Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

Like many of you said, it's the time frame that gets me. I need to learn that I don't have to panic about how long it's going to take. I think I can do this by setting manageable goals - not losing 30 pounds by Christmas (scary!!), but losing 2 pounds this week (okay...that sounds do-able). That way, in 50 weeks, I'm there (or close)...I have to remember this year will go by either way. I think it's also a good reminder to read that I'm doing this for ME, to change MY weight...it's not going to swoop down and fix everything in my life, and that's okay.

Another thing he goes into is on pg. 25. He talks about how you can be a good person to other people and not be one to yourself. When I examine my values, the big ones that I come up with are that I'm honest and I keep my promises...two things I totally don't do when it comes to ME. Can I really be the good person I want to be if I don't follow my own rules with myself? I found this very important to my thought process.

I also LOVE the quote on pg. 21 " 'Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford' - Cindy Crawford". That's the best!

I have to admit I'm still nervous about having a person to be answerable to. I just don't have that in my life...which is why I'm on the board!

Willpower...hmm, not sure I totally agree with him here. I mean, I think you need a little - to finish the book, to follow the steps through to completion, etc. You probably don't have to rely on it exclusively - you achieve weight loss through appropriate programming, but you need willpower to get the programming done. Or maybe it's just symantics and I'm really talking about motivation. Anyways, I know this is often where I fall off - I'll do a step, and continue with it, but I end up being too lazy/unmotivated to move on to the next step once I've got the first under control (happy with my current success, afraid to fail on the next one?). Which is another reason why I've joined the board...being answerable to others is very motivating
;)

[FrouFrou]

It's about changing yourself from the inside out. I think as with a lot of others I too have tried to work on the outside instead of working on the inside. Because if you don't have the mindset it's not going to happen, for me anyway. I start out with good intentions and then end up quitting because in my mind I am a failure at losing weight. Of course had I known this years ago I may not be here today doing it once again.

Your goal weight is a state of health...I agree with this because not everyone is meant to be a size 1. I was skinny (to me) before having kids (135lb.s) and I know today that is too skinny for me. I know at my age and build that 150-155 is a good weight for me, "right" for me.

Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a committment to change and to keep moving forward until you have walked through all seven... This will be a good thing for me because I too am impatient. Already reading the book I wanted to skip parts and check out the rest of the book, you know see what it is I need to do. But I didn't, I am working on being patient and working through the keys one at a time.

What do you guys think about willpower and it not working? Okay, now this one I am not too sure about. Because while he has a good point I think it does have a little to do with willpower, for me anyway. Maybe that's something I just tell myself as an excuse for failing, I have no willpower. Something definitely worth thinking about. It's funny because I never gave a lot of what Dr. Phil has said in his book a second thought until I started reading it. Now, that's all I think about and can't wait to read more.

What is your personal truth? My personal truth is that I am so negative towards myself. I don't like myself very much and I feel I don't deserve to look/feel good or to have anything good in my life. It stems from losing a DH, DS (feeling guilty) and being told growing up I was fat by a mother who wasn't so skinny herself and was never available to me emotionally, by some siblings and by so-called friends. Not that this is an excuse because I am the only one to blame for my behavior, no one else.

Reading this book has brought a lot of things up that I haven't thought about in years and didn't really want to think about, which may be a good thing. So we will see how it goes.

[Rowan Bailey]

I will do my full post later, but I wanted to put my two cents in about what I think that Dr. Phil is defining as will power. Over the years I have re-defined will power for myself. I was a consistent one pack a day smoker and I just quit. I woke up one morning and decided that I was no longer a smoker. I threw out my cigarettes, I had my carpets cleaned, my bedding, curtains and coats all dry cleaned, I took out the ash trays in my car, I got the inside of my car detailed and I removed all evidence that I smoked, I got rid of my matches and lighters, and no one was allowed to smoke inside my house, they would have to go outside. In essence I started my life as a non smoker.

This had nothing to do with will power, it had to do with commitment and finding the right set of tools to support that decision. In that one day I made my mind up to live like a non-smoker.

That is how I frame what Dr. Phil is saying about will power is something else that I can't quite frame yet, but am thinking about it. All I know is that quitting smoking was a helluva lot easier than shedding weight....

Just some words for thought......

[nikkic]

Was there anything that he said that stood out?
When he said not to skip ahead and read about the diet, I did that before I even read the first chapter. I had to find out what his idea's about food were.:rolleyes:

It's about changing yourself from the inside out.
Good point. No matter how many pounds you lose, if you don't like yourself, you'll never be happy. I wonder sometimes why I feel like I am never good enough. After reading the introductions and then the posts on this thread too, I realize I'm not alone with this feeling. Many of us have emotional scarring from the past and present injuries too that are causing us to feel like we are not good enough, just as we are right now. I remember lots of embarrassing, degrading things from my childhood and later life, but I need to remember that those things do not define me, I define myself.

Your goal weight is a state of health.
After going through a long term disability, I absolutely agree. I am looking forward to losing weight to feel healthier, to experience less pain and to be able to move like most other people do. This did make me think about my goal weight. I found a picture of myself when I was 135 lbs (15 years ago). I now think I looked too thin then, but at that time, I felt like I was overweight. I have a picture of myself when I started to lose weight last year. The difference from 274 (last year) to 222 (now) is amazing. I think I will have DH take a picture of me now at this weight, so I have something to compare to when I get below 200. I have my picture of myself when I began on my mirror and I think I'll keep a running picture log there so I can see where I am. It is so hard to look in the mirror and really see what I look like. I think I look one way, but really, I look completely different. Seeing a picture of myself seems to help me see my complete body.

Willpower and my personal truth-
I laid on the couch for over a year after my accident and barely got up to use the commode next to the couch. One day, I realized I was unable to sit up for more than 5 minutes without being completely exhausted. That was my moment of truth. I knew I had to get up and move just do something, or I'd be completely bedridden for the rest of my life. It took tremendous willpower for me to make the effort to start to exercise. First, I got dressed and sat on the exercise machine I was using at the time. This was exhausting and painful. I did this daily the first week. The second week, I exercised for 2 1/2 minutes the first day. I had to take the next day off as I found that I was exhausted. I kept at it, but it was from sheer force of will. I am not sure if it's symantics or not either. Other terms you can use are desire and determination. I know that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. But truthfully, willpower will only take you so far. After awhile, you do need something to keep you going forward because desire/willpower is not easily maintained for any length of time.

[FLgal]

I have only read 2 chapters of the book so far, but I think he is saying that our weight loss success does not depend on our willpower. It depends on the changes we make in reprograming our lifestyles. I agree with him. Using willpower means we still want or desire to eat and are denying that desire. When we make changes, especially in our thinking, its no longer important to us.

Nita

[Summerlover]

I am waiting for the book to arrive from my book of the month club. I will catch up to all of you as soon as I get it. I read fast! So far, reading what you've posted, it sounds good.

Summer

[Lessuvme]

Finally! Takes me forever to get everything done before I can sit down at the computer. I've been looking forward to this all day!

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? :
I don't think there was any one thing that he said that really stood out (outside of the Be--Do--Have line--I'm a sucker for tag lines like that), I've read a lot of self-help books over the past 10 years about the non-diet approach to wt loss. I think what struck me the most is how far I've come! At my worst I was a compulsive overeater/binger and then would purge. I HATED myself and couldn't STAND to think positive thoughts about myself. Now, after lot of practice with stopping negative thinking, I can actually say I'm PROUD of myself and I really like who I am! I've come a long way but still have some work to do with stress eating.

Your Goal Weight... I really like his realistic wt chart. I always wanted to weigh 120s (you know.. the less the better)
Now, I just want to acheive a weight where I feel good, I don't need to be stick thin. I would like for my husband to be able to safely pick me up though :o

Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven:
I'm really looking forward to going through each of the 7 doors. For the first time since I've been buying these books, I didn't look ahead! :D

Not sure about the willpower thing.. made sense when I was reading it. I always thought that it WAS willpower that determined whether you would lose weight and I didn't have any--felt like a failure, but since I've been changing my habits I've been losing and I don't think I gained any willpower (if that makes any sense..)

Sillymonkey--I also liked the Cindy Crawford quote! I'd like to see what she does look like at home alone. :)

[Mima]

Great!!!I just started reading and even though I am only 4 lbs over my goal weight, I keep going back up after a while so I know something is there for me. Getting nails done at 8 so I will catch up later. Mima

[Angel26519]

Hi Everyone!

Just a quick note because i am late for a meeting.....

Loved all your comments. This is great to see so many views expressed.... I want to respond to some later when I have time!

Hope everyone is doing great! Talk to you later!

[Rowan Bailey]

What great posts!! Everyone's thoughts are just as inspiring as the book! Thank you to everyone.

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

It was good to understand that the diet industry has a 95% failure rate. It just put why taking this step for me has been attached to so much negativity. It also was a good reminder that this is not a turnkey solution; it is about building an entire life that supports being happy and for me, being happy is not being captive to what I weigh, not even necessarily that it needs to be a specific number, but a specific way that I feel about myself.

I realized that I am fixated on wanting the quick fix. I am currently doing hypnosis and that is all about re-programming the negative tape in my head. When you are being hypnotized, you can’t speed up the process, you have to be completely focused on what your being told to do, I am trying to put those same principles into place in reading and following the book in the order that Dr. Phil is recommending….so I am surrendering that I have absolutely no patience…urghhh

I don’t think that there was any major epiphanies, but the fact that this he is telling us the truth, no quick fixes, hard work, getting real, that we many not get everything that we have in our head gave me a calmness, and for the first time I felt that I was reading words that addressed me and not the reasons that what/how I have been eating has made me fat, but the reasons why I made those choices in the first place. This makes me feel more confident in the steps than “all you have to do is stop eating pasta!”

My comments about the will power are in my prior post….

[kfs151]

I'm going to do a longer post later but I wanted to throw one thought out for the moment:

I was very disappointed in his GET REAL weight charts

I always felt like the other weight charts didn't reflect a realistic goal for me and as I read the first chapter I couldn't wait to establish a Get Real weight and then strive to hit it!!

I'm 5'3" and medium boned. The lowest I've ever weighed and maintained was in the 140 - 160 range so I had set 150 as my personal goal. Based on what I was reading I felt Dr. Phil was going to vindicate my position that the weight goals on the standard charts were way wrong. Instead, his goal for me was the same as all the other charts -- 125!! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to weigh this but I don't think it is realistic. Taken in the context of the chapter, I found this weight expectation a huge blow to my motivation.

I'll post on the rest of the chapter later...

[Angel26519]

Hey Kim-

I understand what you mean but I think he put those in with a [B:] BIG DISCLAIMER[/B:] ..... when he put those in there I think they are just basic guidelines.... not all shapes and sizes are going to fit in those catagories.... for instance I dont fit in them.... I am a big busted, big boned girl. He doesnt even fit in it.... he is larger than the charts he has shows he is supposed to be.... and he has said that in his shows. He also said your "Get Real" Weight is where you are comfortable and happy and can maintain....

Everyone has posted such great thoughts.... it has all made me think - that is so wonderful!

[sillymonkey]

Actually, I'm the same height and my weight came out as 138 (which was fine with my goal of 140). Personally, I don't know what kind of boned I am, so I just went with large. I think he does say that everything's relative...perhaps you have more muscle than his 'average' 5'3" candidate. I mean, you can't really lump everyone into 3 figures on a chart. The charts are just for use as a guide - you really need to go with what looks good on you and what's healthy. If it's really 150 for you, than use that as your goal. I have a lot of leg muscles, so I'm personally aiming for 140, and I'll see if I really need to go that far once I get closer. At least it gives me something to aim for for now. Don't worry about it and don't let it get you down...when it comes down to it, it's just a number - it's how you feel that counts.

[rasta2002]

hey everyone,

i've really enjoyed reading the posts on this chapter so far! i haven't had power because of hurricane isabel so i'm catching up and hope to post some thoughts tonight!

~Emily

[nikkic]

As far as the weight lose goals go, I think the charts are just a place to start. I know some women that weigh 150 lbs and they look tiny, because they are all muscle. Some others, the same height look a lot heavier at 150.

I'm just going to go for a pant size/top size, at least I know what that is. The weight number I want to be is 150 (I'm around 5'8 or 9" depending on the time of day), but that might change as I get closer to where I want to be in measurments and proportion. When I weighed 135 lbs, I wasn't really in shape. So now, if I continue to work out and build muscle, 175 may be a more realistic goal.
All I want to do is get healthy. Of course, if I could look good too, that would be so fine.;)

[Angel26519]

This was a statement that Dr Phil said today on the show..... maybe it is in the book down the road.... but it struck such a nerve with me....

Everybody has a role in life- What is your Role? This one is a hard one for me..... I always thought my role was one thing but am realizing that I have given myself a different role in the past few years- The role I have given myself is the dowdy, frumpy, lazy, girl that acts like she is happy and outgoing... lots of laughter that I hide behind... I have become the king procrastinator with work and realizing that I am not working at all really.... where has my self esteem gone? and why the hell did I let it go.... when did I slide into this inertia? When did I start letting life and success pass me by?

What role do you want to have? I want the self confident, sexy, truly happy, successful role. It is a role that I deserve.... one I have never had and am only just realizing that I never had it....

I dont want ot be the girl that is constantly looking in the window but never feeling invited in.... never feeling quite good enough.... always being inadequate....

What is your role in life? What would you like it to be?

[ShihtzuX2]

I, too, was surprised by Dr. P's height/weight charts. For my heighth, 5'5", looked pretty much like the WW's chart (w/ a maximum of 150, his says 148).

My realistic goal is to get down to 165, where I was one year ago. Not the impossible 120 lbs. the charts said I should weigh and which I have beat myself up for the last 30 years because I've never attained it since junior high. At 165 last year I felt great. Still overweight by the charts, but with working out 6-7 days a week, I looked fine. It's a realistic goal for me. I am committing to losing 5 pounds a month until I get there.

Passages in the book that jumped out at me: (1) That I won't be at this weight next year. If I don't take positive steps, I'll just continue until I regain everything I worked so hard to lose. I'm not happy about where I am, but I'm still 70 pounds down from my highest weight. I will not go back there.

The "butt" stops here!

(2) That you can't expect weightloss to solve non-weight-related problems. Wow. I always expect that losing weight will resolve my self-esteem issues and deliver self-confidence, clear skin, gorgeous hair and social grace. Then I'm surprised when I get to goal and I still feel inferior, dotted with acne and dry hair, and at a loss for words.

My personal truth: I feel fat, unattractive and worthless no matter what I weigh. When I lose to where I'm at a normal weight for my height, I feel cognitive dissonance because my OUTSIDES say attractive, slender, fit and competent but INSIDE I still feel worthless, fat, unattractive and dumb.

My fat is my "opt out" ticket on life, activities I say I want to pursue and social situations. As long as I'm saying, "When I get thin, then ___" it's all just a dream and I can avoid the risks involved in actually doing those things. I continue to be isolated, depressed and bored but *safe*.

As long as I stay fat, I can rationalize failure and rejection: It's not "me", it's my "fat". But underneath, I know that's not a universal truth. I lose respect for myself when I lie to myself.

As long as I stay fat, I can avoid growing up: I can continue to be emotionally dependent and avoid responsibility and structure. I can eat with abandon and not be burdened with denying myself or counting calories/points. I can be lazy and only do what appeals to me at the moment. I don't have to plan ahead. I lose respect for myself when I act like a spoiled child.

As long as I stay fat, I can continue wallowing in depression, victimhood and negativity. I can continue to say "it's not MY fault" as long as I avoid acknowledging that I willingly sculpt my overweight body through my "fat lifestyle" choices: binge-eating to suppress emotions and boredom, occasional exercise, high-calorie food choices, baking for no occasion other than to have a steady supply of binge fuel.

I can continue to avoid conflict with others that might be created by standing up for myself, speaking my mind and just expressing who I am. I can continue to feel self-righteous about my victimhood and nurse resentments.

BTW - My VCR tape ran out before today's episode. Who did Phil decide to keep out of the 13????? And who was it he was calling a ridiculous doormat?

[Rowan Bailey]

Sami
Great post, I too have spent way to long in the "whens". When I lose weight I will dress nicer--When I lose weight I will be happy--When I lose weight I will have more confidence....It just doesn't happen. The closer that I get to my weight goals, I panic and gain back the weight....I don't want to give up the benefits living as a "fat" girl has supported.

I am adding that now I DO WANT to give up those benefits and deal with those issues......

It is very scary to think about being at the goal and still being unhappy, better not to try, that is why I think that addressing these issues are most important....I don't think that he got rid of anyone today....I could be wrong.

[Mima]

My WW is 128 and the chart says 99-I am 5feet and shrinking and 65-when I weigh 128, I can wear an 8 petite so I am not fat!!!!!!!!!I only have 3-6 lbs to go. But I love the book-I think it has something to say that is great!!I have read 2 chapters and stated my goals more specifically. I have fibromyalgia so one of tha drawbacks is what exercises I can do-some walking and swimming . I am making my goal 1 pound a week and that is doable for me. WW gives me 22 points a day. I don't know how to copy those questions and I can't type fast so I'll probably only give general comments. I am reading one chapet at a time and answering the questions. Mima

[diphthong]

Excellent post, Sami. I think the hardest part is what you did - looking at yourself from the inside and out, recognizing it and putting it out there. I was embarrassed to post my high weight, and more so to make public my "then and now pics" to a select group. Posting my weight made me accountabe to me, as well as making public my now photos because there still is a long way to go.

When I lost 40 pounds, I loaded up my barbell with 40#. I couldn't even hardly lift it off the floor. I had to sit down and think about how I carried that on this poor body for too many years. As for the weight charts, I set my goal at a 100# loss over 13 months. It was just a coincidence that the charts in Dr. Phil's book related to my height. It's been so long since I was below 190, I can't relate to what even 150 felt like. But I will know, when I get there what's right for me by my strength, Body Fat% and lastly what I look like. My main goal is health and quality of life.

I know that Dr. Phil released this book at the right time for me. I have much emotional baggage to release, and much to learn on how to deal with the emotions that send me to the frig for self-medication, comfort and instant gratification. Those dark forces are internal, not external.

dip

[Angel26519]

As I sit here reading everything everyone says I am amazed at all the words and feelings.... It is like I could write all of these myself.

I sit here saying "Yes, I feel that way" "Yes I use that excuse" "Yes that happened to me" etc.etc.etc.....

What it makes me realise

1) I am not alone.
2) I am not the 'original' fat girl.
3) That if my excuses all these years werent original then they werent real. They were just excuses.
4) That so many of my 'truths' were also other peoples 'truths' and that they werent really truths at all.


So if I have to change my excuses and I have to change my truths and I have to show myself to the world (you guys) then what am I going to change everything to? What am I going to show everyone of who I really am?

Thank you so much for all the great posts! Thank you for all the thoughts and feelings and for posting them. It helps me tremendously and I appreciate you guys for opening up and being honest.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

[sillymonkey]

Originally posted by Angel26519

Everybody has a role in life- What is your Role?

Oh man - when I heard that one I totally ran, got a pen and wrote it down! It was just such an awesome statement, and it's great 'cause it's been on my mind lately (just not in such a clear way).

I've been doing a lot of thinking that I don't really have a role...that I somehow need to "find myself" (no matter how cliché that may sound). But when he said that, I thought to myself - my god, I do have a role, I just didn't notice. And since it's a role I just slipped into (of being frumpy, fat and lazy about it), it's not a role I actively chose, and it's not a role I want!! Man, I do not want 'frumpy' to be my life role - that's almost more disgusting than the negative thoughts I have about myself and my weight. I have to change my role - I can't be "the frumpy one" anymore, or I feel like I'll risk that being the only thing I leave in this world when I'm gone. How awful would that be? Yikes!

[MrsK]

Things that really jumped out at me … Wow, I think it would be shorter to say what didn't jump o out at me. There was so much in this section that made me sit up and take notice.

My take on the comment about willpower is that perhaps we have been defining willpower all these years. I think the 'willpower' the Dr. Phil is talking about, that doesn't work, is the jazzed up emotion that we fly on when we're ready for this new and exciting magic bullet. The 'willpower' that lets us skip the chocolate cake at the birthday party – right before we go home and binge on frozen waffles and maple syrup while everyone else is in bed. The 'willpower' that flies out the window at the first hint of failure because it cannot stand up to the test when we're denying ourselves both what we really need as well as what we want.

What we need is the determination to work major changes in our lives. Not 'willpower' if all that means is that we can live on apple cider vinegar or cabbage soup for 3 months.

So with that in mind I can see how Dr. Phil says that willpower doesn't work.

Now for things in the chapter that made sit up and take notice...

The decision you must make is whether or not you will quit conning yourself and telling yourself what you so desperately wish were the truth: that there is some hot new diet out there, promising quick and easy results.

Conning myself. This is exactly what I've been doing for more than a decade. I've been conning myself by convincing myself that I could get control of my weight without dealing with some of the underlying issues and reasons for the behaviour that got me this way. I've also done a good job of conning myself into believing that I'm not really "that fat". Which, I obviously am.

No matter how many times you've tried, no matter how many times you've failed in the past, no matter if you haven't seen your feet in forty years, I want you to stop selling yourself short and reach in a mature strategic way for all you are capable of doing, being and having.

This is part of the con job I've been pulling on myself for years. That on some level I am not worth the effort and I am not capable of lasting, meaningful change.

You must rid yourself of that gnawing and overpowering sense of urgency and panic that always seems to appear on the scene, like ants spoiling the fun at a picnic, every time you decide to lose weight or otherwise get in shape. Stop telling yourself that you just absolutely "have to" lose weight. You may want to, you may even need to, but you don't have to. That's just what you have been telling yourself because you thought it would motivate you. So instead of all that drama and self-recrimination, I want you to choose to feel very calm and relaxed.

This is a group of sentences from one section of the chapter. This is something I have a problem with. I have to lose the weight in a certain amount of time. That I cannot take 2 or 3 years to lose the weight. That there is some time table that actually exists outside of my own mind. I look at the long term goal (125 – 150 pounds) and I realize that at a reasonable weight loss of 1.5 pounds per week I have 1.5 – 3 years of weight loss. I get freaked out and I panic.

What I am having really driven home to me is that what I really have is a decade of weight gain that isn't going to come off over night. It isn't going to come off in a week, a month, a year or even two years. And I am going to have to make changes that continue for the rest of my life, or I will simply lose the weight and put it on and take it off and put in on and take it off … etc.

I'm re-reading the chapter so that I can further work through this post. I've also printed off some of the replies here so I can read through them with greater attention.

[points]

Sami,
Dr. Phil hasn't picked the 8 yet. I wonder if he really will do that?
I was thinking that maybe he said that to get them to be more serious and really think. I don't know. They all were relieved to get the chance to work with him for a year and then be told there will only be 8. That would make me feel worse then before if I didn't get picked. I would rather not be in the original 13.
I think it was Marilyn. The one whose husband cheated on her for years. I could be wrong but she is like a doormat and I hope she succeeds and kicks him out. She called him up and asked if he had a second and he said no. What a jerk.

I started reading the book today. There are so many great posts. I can't wait to start participating.

Terri

[ShihtzuX2]

Terri: Thank you for the update on the show! I was so :mad: at myself last nite when I got home and realized my VCR tape ran out after ATWT and before Phil. ARGH! I'd been looking forward to that show all day. I was hoping to record several of these episodes in sequence and review them periodically when I feel myself losing my grip.

[points]

Sami,
I hate when that happens when I record too. He only talked to 6 of the houseguests.
The others didn't know why. He seems to be playing mind games to get them moving. It looks like he will talk to rest on Monday's show.
Leslie (The one with the bright red hair and eyeshadow, no.12)
went into the confessional and screamed for her mom. Scared everyone. She seemed like she just needed to vent. The salmon they got for dinner was not a hit in the least.
Terri

[FLgal]

Sami..
Check your TV schedule. In our area, they rerun his nighttime show the next week on his daytime show. Perhaps they do in your area also.

Nita

[Lavender Fields]

Originally posted by MrsK


What we need is the determination to work major changes in our lives. Not 'willpower' if all that means is that we can live on apple cider vinegar or cabbage soup for 3 months.

This is a group of sentences from one section of the chapter. This is something I have a problem with. I have to lose the weight in a certain amount of time. That I cannot take 2 or 3 years to lose the weight. That there is some time table that actually exists outside of my own mind. I look at the long term goal (125 – 150 pounds) and I realize that at a reasonable weight loss of 1.5 pounds per week I have 1.5 – 3 years of weight loss. I get freaked out and I panic.

What I am having really driven home to me is that what I really have is a decade of weight gain that isn't going to come off over night. It isn't going to come off in a week, a month, a year or even two years. And I am going to have to make changes that continue for the rest of my life, or I will simply lose the weight and put it on and take it off and put in on and take it off … etc.

Wow, you have some awesome thoughts, Mrs. K.

I would encourage you in the regard that, when you first start your weight loss program, you will probably lose 5-10 lbs. a week, and then it may slow down a little. I think your average may be closer to 2-3 lbs. per week. So perhaps you can lose in one year, as opposed to 1.5 to 3 years.

One thing I'd suggest is borrowing this slogan from the 12 steppers: "One Day at a Time." "Just for today" I will eat on plan. Just for today, I will drink my water. Just for today, I will go for a walk. And, as someone else mentioned, smaller goals at first. And you are very correct, it took years to put on the weight, it will take time to lose it.

I can really relate to your words about "cabbage soup for 3 months." Some days, I can easily eat on plan, and others, it seems like it's impossible. Sometimes I can blame it on hormones :D , but other times, it's the "I want what I want when I want it" child inside. :sumo:

Thanks for letting me read and discuss this book with you, ladies. I plan on learning a lot from you!

Tricia

[LuckyLadyBug]

“It’s about changing yourself from the inside out” – ABSOLUTELY

“What is your personal truth?” – Mine is to be loved and desired. When I was loved and desired I didn’t appreciate it – now being older and wiser I want another chance. I don’t like that I failed at this.

“Diphtong: You are an inspiration to me also. I reiterate all that SunnyD57 wrote.

“Cristi: You wrote “I too am impatient”. It seems like many of us have this “issue”.

“Rowan: You wrote on willpower “ commitment and finding the right set of tools to support that decision”. THANK YOU, I love that.

“Nita’s: “It depends on the changes we make in the reprogramming our lifestyles. I agree with him. Using willpower means we still want or desire to eat and are denying that desire. When we make changes, especially in our thinking, its no longer important to us” statement REALLY hits me. I quit before I start when I believe something will always be a fight. I want to take care of this weight issue and move on with my life.

“Rowan: I also like your “it is about building an entire life that supports being happy”. I am paraphrasing Marianne Williamson here but she says instead of goal to lose weight to be happy, moving to be happy, finding that “soul mate” to be happy, why not just make your goal “being happy”. Simple, huh!!!

“What is your role in life?
At 52 I am just starting to define my role.
I have realized this year I am a good friend. I don’t totally understand why, but all of my life, no matter where I go I make friends easily and keep them. (with only a couple exceptions) Some remain casual friends and some become best friends which is one of the reasons I have little time to post because of all the emails I get each day. (but I am not complaining) I still have some friendships that I started in grade school.

“What would I like my role to be?

Hmmmmm

Sami: “My fat is my “opt out” ticket on life, activities I say I want to pursue and social situations. As long as I’m saying, “When I get thin, then ______” it’s all just a dream and I can avoid the risks involved in actually doing those things. I continue to be isolated, depressed and bored but safe.” OH, MEEEEE TOOOOO

“Diphong: That is a great idea!!!! Quote: “When I lost 40lbs, I loaded up by barbell with 40#. I couldn’t even hardly lift it off the floor”. I have weights ( I don’t use at the moment) and this would be a great way to realize my weight loss progress. (at least the weights will get used) haha

I have to re-read these 46 pages. My head feels like "too much information". :dizzy:

[Bev]

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? the big thing for me was when he said this time next year you will not weigh the same , you will be either more or less than you weigh now. That is so true 5 years ago I thought I was heavy and fat at 150. now I weigh 30 lbs more and I think how and why.

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out"- I figure I have tryed everything else so I know that has to be the answer. If I don't fix the instead things with me will not change and I will also struggle with my weight. I know for me the weight is some what of a barrier to keep people at arms distance so they don;t hurt me. But you know what it doesn;t work I still get hurt, mad.

"Your Goal Wieght is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. I need to be carefull with this one. I try and go too low and when I can't maintain I say to my self see you failed again. I am 5'4 and at one time I weighted 135 but I could only maintain for a few months and it was a struggle. So I slowly went up in weight. I try not to go with a weight that is on some chart. I would like to be a weight that I can maintain without starving myself.

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" ... This one is tough for me because the closer I get the more scared I get. I am also very impatient I want the weight loss now without having to work at it.

"what is your personal truth- That if I lose the weight again I will just turn around and gain it back. I also feel I will dissapointment my self and others in my life if I do gain the weight back. I also believe that this comes from not really trusting myself and others. I have been hurt so many times by others that I keep up a permanant wall. It is not a wall that doesn;t let people in it is more a way to protect my emotions.

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I don't think you need willpower ( which for me is a good thing) but I do think you need determination.

Bev

[Jo_Pointer]

WOW! You've all knocked my socks off with your introspection and your honesty. What a warm, safe place for all of us to "get real!"

Angel summed up what I felt when reading your posts so eloquently:

[list=1]
I am not alone.
I am not the 'original' fat girl.
If my excuses all these years weren't original then they weren't real. They were just excuses.
That so many of my 'truths' were also other peoples 'truths' and that they weren't really 'truths' at all.[/list=1]


Good stuff!

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

Page 3: You've known for a long time that you were going to have to get real about fat or stay real fat.

So true for me. I relinquish control when life gets stressful or uncomfortable, and turn to food to make me feel better. I always know when I'm doing it, yet I con myself into believing I'm powerless over it. What a crock! I've had moderate successes (and subsequent failures) on many different diet plans, but they have always just treated the symptoms. Until I "get real" about why I gain the weight and treat the causes I will never win the "battle of the bulge."

Page 4: Nothing will stop you from being anything other than healthy, vibrant, in shape, and fully in charge of yourself and everything you think, do, and feel. This will happen because you make it happen. It will happen because you have made the decision to step up and do what it takes to have what you want.

Specific goals and accountability! No more denial, no more cop-outs! I (WE!) can do this if we decide we want to. We are masters of our own destiny!

Page 8: You always have a choice. You can choose to obsess about your weight, or not. You can choose to worry about it, or not. You can choose to panic about your situation, or not. When you choose your behavior and your thoughts, you choose the consequences that flow from those choices.

Personal responsibility and making better choices! I continually subjugate what I know to be right and replace it with a false belief that the food will make me feel better. In actuality, as we all know, it NEVER makes us feel better!

Page 22: Reality check: you can never, ever use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight.

I have to stop pretending that getting to my goal weight is going to fix what is broken. Until I can let go of the issues from my past, stop playing the negative tapes in my head, and learn to deal with my negative emotions WITHOUT turning to food I will never be "free."

Page 25: I always say that the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You've got to be your own best friend first, accepting and loving yourself from the inside out, before you can be truly happy and before you can live with purpose and passion.

I would NEVER say the awful and unsupportive things I say to myself to anyone else! So I need to learn to treat myself as I would one of my girlfriends. I need to praise myself for all of the positive steps I am taking, reward myself for every accomplishment, and cut myself some slack when I stumble. I need to learn how inspire myself and to give myself the pep talks I would give any of my friends to help them in their weight loss efforts.

Many of you have already mentioned other parts of Part 1 that struck me, and when reading your posts I felt such a kinship with all of you.

I'm enjoying the journey we are taking together so much already!

Hugs of support to all of you, and THANK YOU.

Jo :wave:
202/135

[diphthong]

Jo, Great interpretations. I'm using your post (and Angel's words) for a summary of the first part of the book, printing it out and sticking it in my journal.

Back in the 60's, there was a TV program called The Naked City. At the begining of each program, an announcer said, "There are 9 million stories in the Naked City. (NYC)" Everybody here is an individual, but we come together to reach into ourselves to solve a common life-saving problem. Thank you all for being so honest not only in print to the rest of us, but to yourselves. Admitting that you are "broken" and need to be fixed, IMO, is the first understanding of about what we are getting into here. Bless your hearts!

dip

[MrsK]

What a great group!

It is so nice to be able to be so open with other people who really understand where you're coming from.

Thank you all so much for being here and for sharing so openly and honestly.

[nanj]

You guys just keep talking and I won't have to read the book! LOL I'm really impressed with all of your insights and have really gleaned some things that I had missed. I loved Sami's response about losing weight not solving non-weight related problems. WOW! I have been racking my brain to try to find out why I overeat! I guess I have been at it so long it is part of my nature. Now, how to break that! I started reading this book with the idea that I would carefully comb each page for a life altering miracle. You know what I have come up with? IT AIN'T FOOD THAT HAS MADE ME FAT. It is me. I want you to know that you all are a lot cheaper that a shrink, so keep talking!
Nancy

[points]

In regards to patience, especially when it is 60-200 pounds to lose I have learned to realize that people would look at me and say "You are LOSING weight. I grew to remember that there are noticeable differences on the way down. That kept me motivated to lose 60. I never used to have patience in this area but I learned to appreciate the comments and looks as I went down. Each ten pounds was more noticeable and I felt as good losing each 10 pounds as I did when I lost my last pound.

Terri

[diphthong]

When I lost the first 20 pounds, no one noticed, and my family barely mentioned it. *THAT* bothered me deeply because, as I have learned, I was depending on external motivators. But as I lost more, I could feel bone and muscle for the first time - well, actually I can't remember. I can see the differences as well as feel them by touching my body in a way I wouldn't allow myself to do 6 months ago. I am not ashamed to say that every morning, I look in the mirror naked for more changes.

Yesterday I ran into an acquintance I hadn't seen since July, at minus 20. But yesterday, she remarked about the difference. I appreciated her noticing and saying so. But the biggest satisfaction IS that I did this through self-determination and persistence, even though I have another 60 to go. And believe me, patience had to be self-imposed to the empth degree. The main external support I've had is right here on 3FC. But I have been accountable to no one but myself.

When Dr. Phil told that girl on TV, "If you want a qucik-fix, go get your stomach stapled," well, that "Philism" really hit home with me because it's a truth - the changes aren't going to happen overnight. It is serious, focused, planned hard work, afterall, we are going to break an addiction based and rooted in our own personal hells. There will be ups and downs, and many questions. And I'm happy to see so many willing to jump in with both feet.

dip

[Angel26519]

Hello Everyone!

You guys have been giving such great insights. I am really proud to be a part of all of this.

I too will be printing off all of these posts to keep so that I can read them over and over as I need it.... You guys help remember that I am not alone in my struggles and for that I appreciate you!

Are you guys getting ready for the next discussion.... we are soon to be starting the Keys!

[mauvaisroux]

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?

"When people go after goals, they typically confuse the means with the end."

I definitely agree with this. I need to figure out what my goals are and then establish the steps I need to take to achieve them and implement them into my my daily life.

"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight. "

I weighed 130 at 5"8 when I was in my early 20's. When I look at those pictures of myself from back then I think I look too thin-my bones are sticking out of my face, neck and chest-:p I can't believe I thought I was fat back then! :yikes:
I had already chosen 145-150 as my weight goal knowing full well I would never be 130 again without starving myself and making myself ill in the process which I do not want to do. Dr. Phil's weight chart put me at 150 so it just reinforced that this was a reasonable and achievable goal for me.

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven"

I have to admit that I lack focus. I get too many ideas in my head at the same time and try to do everything at once and up not accomplishing anything at all :mad:. I have decided to go through this process one step at a time and having this book club may help me do it :)

"what is your personal truth?"

In the past I have spent a lot of time and energy on my job, running my household and helping support others - the only commitment I did not have was to myself and now because of it I am burnt out and on anti-depressants. I have finally decided to take charge of the situation and take care of me - I am hoping that some of the 7 keys will help me to figure what to do for myself in order to achieve this.

What do you guys think of Dr Phil's comment about not needing willpower and that willpower doesn't work...

I think Dr. Phil is right about that- it seems that the having will power is pushing yourself to do something you don't want to do which makes you unhappy and is probably self-defeating in the long run.

I feel that, for myself, the willpower has the negative connotation of deprivation or restriction tied to it and I would rather think positively (sounds hokey doesn't it :rolleyes: ) so I have decided to use the words self commitment instead.

Another member's tag line says " You are what you say you are" and I think that is a great saying and I am using it on myself to eliminate those negative thoughts I have.

I am really enjoying reading everyone's thoughts on this subject and getting different opinions and ideas. :D

Whoops! Forgot about the last two items...

Everybody has a role in life- What is your Role?

My role- wife, friend, daughter, wage earner, accountant, hostess, cleaning lady, chief cook and bottle washer, nursemaid, therapist, organizer and chief of the social committee:rolleyes:
Where the heck did "me" go - I spend all my time doing and being other things that I have no time or energy for myself!

What role do you want to have?
I want the strong, self confident, happy, successful person I was a few years ago- I want myself back - 100%. Some bad things happened to me over the past few years and I seem to have lost a part of myself. I have been functioning on the outside but ailing on the inside.

[diphthong]

Hi All! I'm going to be taking off for the weekend (and of course Dr, Phil is coming with me) but I just wanted to comment on something Mauvaisroux said.

I'm in my 2nd marriage, and in both, I lost myself, catering to everyone else's needs. But *my* needs were shoved to the wayside. When my needs don't get met, I get angry. And when I get angry, I want to self-medicate with a box of Dunkin Donuts.
Dr. Phil says "we teach people how to treat us." I announced to my family that I was going to start putting myself first. (I know this is almost impossible if you have young children, but you can do it with the adults.) No more dropping what I was doing to assist someone else or listen to their tales of woe. They just gave me that 'yeah, whatever' look. But when I practiced it, and I was polite about it, they got the message. When I changed, they changed. Now that I have some confidence, I can tell my DH what's bothering me without crying and anger, and he responds appropriately.

Most of what I've learned from Dr. Phil was in SELF MATTERS and on his show. I figured I had nothing else to do, short of marriage counseling ($cha-ching$) or divorce :nono: so I tried his 'rules of engagement' and so far it works. I can only wish the same for all of you as we go down this road together.

BTW, I still haven't been able to define "my role." I know what it was, just about the same as Mauv's above, but haven't been able to imagine or define what I want to be, other than the woman of integrity and good character that I've always been anyway.

I look forward to next week's discussion and hope you all have a great weekend!

Hugs, :goodvibes

dip

[Rowan Bailey]

Dip,
Wow, I keep forgetting that phrase "We teach people how to treat us"....that needs to be my mantra right now. The most difficult part for me now is that I am changing and how do I and can I change the way that people will accept me? I am changing my contract with them,will they accept and agree....whew that is a scarry thought....maybe one that has been heavier on my heart than I realized.

My role....one sentence.
It was to be everybody's everything..whew...
My realizaton that was completely conceited on my part, that I would think for one moment that I could even be that, I realized that I needed to grow up.

Now I see my role more as if I really want to serve the people around me is to be more of a inspiration by example, by doing that the focus has come round to myself, and I have the room to allow those around me to walk there own paths...

However, there is still much to learn on how to do that for me. I can be really great, and then I slip and have really bad behavior. But I don't stop my commitment....that is what I am trying to bring to weight control.....i am having a minor setback...i have a throat infection, i have a rosh hashanah feast at my house tonight and i am going to just try and eat like my "thin self".

[ShihtzuX2]

I so look forward to reading you "chicks'" thoughtful posts! You are really inspiring me. I have had such a great week following my food plan, and have just felt great about it because my head is in the right place (instead of in a box or a bag of goodies and not up my a#@! :lol: )

I've been musing over Phil's comments about willpower, didn't quite grasp it at first. But I think the self-defeating aspect of "willpower" is the negative conotation it carries: we define "willpower" as resisting action rather than seeing it as embracing positive behavior. In that sense, "willpower" becomes all about deprivation and self-denial instead of about making healthful CHOICES..

I was flipping through the book last nite (just anxious to see what's ahead!) and Phil talked about how many overeater's derail themselves with "all or nothing" thinking: Oh, I ate that doughnut. I've blown it, so I might as well eat as many as I can hold.

Someone on another board wrote something that's stuck in my mind: "It's never too late to stop a binge. Six cookies is better than six cookies and a piece of pie." How true that is!

That black & white/perfectionistic mentality enables or gives me permission to overeat because it's an unreasonable standard that I know deep down I can't realistically achieve: I'll never eat another cinnamon roll again. Whoops, I did, so now I'm allowed to eat anything and everything (before my internal critic (re: voice of my mother) kicks on and tells me "You can't have that!".

I never realized it before, but when that happens, in part, I'm rebelling against the voice of my mother (!!) against when she'd frown at me and say, You don't need that! Or when she'd give me half a piece of something and my brother a whole piece. These binges in part are a way of thumbing my nose at her (at those attitudes and voices of hers I've internalized) and saying, Shut up, mom! I can eat the biggest or the best piece, screw everybody else. I *deserve* it! I can even eat the whole thing if I want!

Wow, epiphany!

[sillymonkey]

Originally posted by ShihtzuX2
I never realized it before, but when that happens, in part, I'm rebelling against the voice of my mother (!!) against when she'd frown at me and say, You don't need that! Or when she'd give me half a piece of something and my brother a whole piece. These binges in part are a way of thumbing my nose at her (at those attitudes and voices of hers I've internalized) and saying, Shut up, mom! I can eat the biggest or the best piece, screw everybody else. I *deserve* it! I can even eat the whole thing if I want!

Wow, epiphany! [/B]

Holy wow epiphany! I've never thought of it like that, but that used to happen to me too - my brother got the seconds and the big pieces, and I got the talk. And I didn't like that. And now I'm starting to think that there may be some part of me that still doesn't like that and still wants the big piece. Wow - talk about giving me something to think about...thanks so much ShihtzuX2...very insightful.

[mauvaisroux]

Shiztu- that is exactly how I feel about "will power" as I expressed in my previous post, and your comment about the internal voice was right on the money!

[SunnyD57]

Hi :wave:

Just wanted to let everyone know how very much I have enjoyed all your posts! I don't have to say anything, because you all have covered it already... so cool how we all think so much alike, isn't it?! ;) I too am going to print up this whole thread and keep them to refer to. I think I mentioned that I was gonna in an earlier post (sorry for repeating myself). I have been gone the last couple days from posting because of funerals, two dear friends in two days! So I was thrilled to have you all to come back to. It is much healthier then eating myself into a coma - which is what I used to do with this kind of stress.

Thank-you again! So very much!

[nikkic]

Sunny,
I'm so sorry to hear about your friends. This has to be a really difficult time for you. I'll pray for you, that the Lord gives you strength and peace.
Nikki

[summer8386]

What a WONDERFUL board this is. Everyone has openly stated their feelings and thoughts.............and it is amazing, we are all alike.:yes:

Thank you all for the 'thinking' you are making me do and especially to Nita [flgal] for suggesting this site.

Hugs, Summer

[points]

I am so sorry Sunny. That is awful. We are here for you!
Terri

[Eleni]

Like someone said I won't have to buy the book. Some really good comments. I will keep checking in. We all have so much in common

[SunnyD57]

Thank you so very much Nikki and Terri... you are so very kind. I am okay really... much better then I would be if I didn't have God & all of your support. They were family friends that lived very good & beautiful lives - no regrets. I will miss them so much, but know that they lived great lives and are now in a better place. Thank you again.

Just want to share some encouraging words...
I have been to allot fo forum sites and lurked, just to get a feel of how people are with one another --- do you all know how blessed we are to have such a beautiful forum to belong to - with so many wonderful people?! The one I was a part of before... if someone didn't like you or agree with your point of view instead of agreeing to diagree they were very unkind. NOT HERE! People here are very giving and open to differences and I just think it is so nice! Thanks for having such big hearts! :grouphug:

Thank you Suzanne, Jennifer and Amy for putting together an awesome forum!!!

[sprout]

So many good posts here from the first of this book. Seems like everyone feels much the same.

Get real weight: I have struggled with this somewhat but I believe I understand where he is coming from. I know that when I think of my ideal weight -- 115 - 120 -- in my mind I see myself as I was when I was in my early 20's. That is not real -- I am mid 50's now -- who knows I might be able to get to 120 pounds and that would be great -- but my face is never going to look like that -- I have aged. So for the get real weight -- I think we have to look at where we are now -- age wise -- and not put a number on the scale with a face that is not our current one.

Willpower: I really liked what he said on page 18
Willpower is unreliable emotional fuel that drie you when you are excited, motivated, or energized. Wilpower is what temporarily pumps you up when you want to lose weight in two weeks so you' look good for a class renuinion, or when you join a gym because you made a New Year's resolution to start exercisng.

Willpower has never been my strong suit -- I know it is just plain life changes / changed habits that work best for me.

Goal setting: I believe he said it all in that part of the book. I think that for those that are wanting to be serious about their weight, and are wanting to first turn to Christ, and then also use this book for help, then we have to work through his 'homework' -- do what he suggests re setting goals. And we have to be realistic about them.

I like the following quote he makes on page 24:
If you are truly out of shape and you don't like it, then having a negative body mage may mean that you are taking a realistic view of yourself -- a good think actually. It's only a problem if you don't work to improve it. So the fact that you don't like what you see in the mirris is a powerful catalyst for becoming fitter, healtheir, and better looking. You can't heal what you don't acknowledge.

I know for myself, I have been working a Christian 12 Step Program (2nd time around now) and have started incorporating Dr. Phil's book into my daily reading quiet time. Journaling has really helped me these last 2 weeks.

I started reading the book on September 12 -- and have only read to the end of Key #2 as I am wanting to take it slow and apply what I am learning.

I got excited, I weighed myself -- 267.5 when I started on this new program. Seven days went past and I saw that I had learned a lot about myself and I decided to get weighed thinking that of course I would have a loss and a good one. Low and behold -- no loss -- a gain - I was up 1 pound - 268.5. Somewhat disappointed I decided I am not going to give up, I need to keep journaling and continue with what is present before me -- I need to get my thinking turned around -- my internal dialogue. So for the next 7 days I started working on this some more. Meantime I had made a promise with myself that I was going to be committed to some form of exercise every day for 30 minutes each day. Looking back on my exercise chart what do I see -- 13 days out of 14 I have walked for 30 minutes!! Am I putting myself down for missing a day -- not at all -- I am lifting myself up because I have accomplished something I have never done before. Being Friday, I decided to once again check out those 'scales -- see if the numbers have changed -- but not really expecting them to have changed. Surprise -- I have lost 2 pounds -- so I lost the pound I gained and I am 1 below where I started when I started journaling my thoughts.

I am seeing that this is not all about food -- the food is just a byproduct of a life style that I chose -- I am working on learning why I chose this life style (and has that every been an eye opener in the last 7 days) and have done a lot of work on changing my thinking -- putting everything into the right perspective. Do I have a goal for next week with respect to my weight -- not really. I know what I am working towards - the end result -- and I know the effort I am having to put into it -- I know that with Christ's help and also the help of this new book and listening to Dr. Phil on TV I will achieve the end result -- so when I get on the scale next week it is only a minor thing whether the numbers are down, the same or even up a little -- the important thing is 'have I made some life changes -- am I changing habits that have hurt me and replaced them with habits that will benefit me --

Bless you all on this journey -- looking forward to continuing this journey with all of you and reading this book with you. May you all be blessed with reaching what ever it is that you are reaching for.

Marilyn

[Rowan Bailey]

sunny
so sorry about your losses....again, we are all here to support you right now.

-rb

[Mima]

I am also reading the book slowly and writing as I go. I didn't realize I had so many poor imges of myself-I am only 3 lbs away from my goal weight but I want to go 3 lbs below-my problem isn;t losing-it's maintaining. This is the third time I have had to lose weight-good thing is that I only went half way up this time. That's progress. Helps to have a husband who isn't overweight. But he can eat things I can't so ther is food in the house that I can't eat. But he is very nice about what I cook. Thanks for the posts. Mima

[Angel26519]

Great Saturday Morning to Everyone!!!!!

Two more days to summarize what we think, feel and learned on this first journey of our walk together. We start on Key One Monday.... I am looking forward to this also...

With all the changes going on in my life right now I havent been able to be online as much! I have loved all the posts and you guys have really made me think alot! I hope it has been as beneficial to everyone else. I think I am learning so much from all of this.... not just Dr Phil's Book but the posts and replies...the interaction that we have all had.... it has been interesting when you have posted stuff that I have thought and didnt even realize that I thought that.... it opened up my eyes even more and made me think even more.... WOW!!!!!

I do want to sincerely thank everyone for there honest participation... I truly believe that if we come to this forum with an open heart and mind.... with a true willingness to learn and heal that we will be so much better off next year.

Thank you again ladies.... be proud of yourself.... you have stepped in the right direction!

[Mitchypoo]

Hi all :wave:

OK, so i'm slow! Sorry but i did want to join in and give my 2 cents worth. But i slightly have an excuse. I found out this week that I have mononucleosis and that is why I've been feeling so awful. So I have to get lots of sleep and take care of myself and this is consuming me a little. I'm still working 2 jobs/6 days a week so i sleep whenever else I can.

This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss

Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? I don't have the book in front of me but there were SO many things he said that jumped out at me! I think it's his writing style but also I think he speaks honestly. The thing that stood out the most was how he said this isn't a quick fix, and he doesn't want us to be anxious and desperate and all gung ho. I know this feeling and before I read this, after watching his shows about the program I had this feeling already. I know it's going to be a gradual and difficult change but a worthwhile and lasting one.

"It's about changing yourself from the inside out" OK, this is a new concept, but it makes so much sense. I went to OA for awhile because I know I have food issues but I never really related because I don't identify as a compulsive "overeater", but that doesn't mean i don't still have issues. I'm ready to look at the real reason that i've allowed this to happen to me.

"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. Thank you Lord for someone to finally look at it this way. Maybe the stick-thin anorexic look won't be so glorified if more people understood their real weight. I want to be happy and healthy, not sickly and skinny.

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until you've walked through all seven" I think to myself that even though I've read the overview of the 7 keys i'm not really sure what i'm in for, but i'm willing to be vulnerable and do this. For me! I'm worth the work!

"What is your personal truth?" My personal truth would take too long to describe and a part of me is not sure I really definitely know my personal truth yet. I'm going to have to write this one down and pray about it.

What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesn't work..... I think, Yeah Dr.Phil, stop making people feel like they are not empowered, that we failed, that we didn't stick to it. Yes, you have to try and have the want, but willpower is a negative thing in my opinion.

I'm reading through the chapter, over are over and highlighting things that stick out to me. That helps me later when i go over it and see the key points that meant something to me. And I'm not reading too far ahead either.

You have all had really open and wonderful comments and I commend all of you for being so open and honest, it's hard to do, even in this forum. We should all be proud of ourselves, i certainly am of all of you! :grouphug:

[LuckyLadyBug]

Mitchypoo:
but I never really related because I don't identify as a compulsive "overeater", but that doesn't mean i don't still have issues. I have to THANK YOU immensely for writing this. :yes: I know this about myself but never put it in "words" and seeing them written really hit me between the eyes. I never identify as a compulsive overeater either. In fact in my mind I am slim!!!! I eat with slim friends and never eat more than them, usually less. I really allowed myself to fool myself.:( :o

OK, so i'm slow! Your post was well worth the wait for me. :lucky:

[Musicgal]

Dear Kim,
I know how you feel because I was surprised that these charts seem no different from others out there. Remember, I believe Dr. Phil consulted with other doctors on this. I also wish they had provided a guide to see if one is small, medium or large frame because this is what I am not sure of. I believe you are the best person to judge your weight goal...150 sounds reasonable. Looking at your stats, you should be proud of what you have accomplished thus far and keep going until you reach your personal goal. It would be hard that any doctor would have a problem with you getting down to 150. I would think they should be very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. We tend to get very hung up on numbers. I weigh about five pounds more than I did last year, yet I fit into a pair of jeans today that I couldn't last year. Please don't get discouraged. I wish the best for everyone here doing this and all the challengers on the Dr. Phil show. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff while reading and I'm beginning to catch myself especially with the emotional part and the impulse eating. Good luck to you KFS (Kim) and everyone else.

[Summerlover]

Hello all! I have been waiting for my copy of Dr. Phil's book to arrive in the mail from my book club. Well, it came today. I promise to put aside the trashy novel I am currently reading and catch up to all of you. By Monday, I should have something to post. I have been reading your posts for the past week, and I can't wait to participate!!! :hyper: :gossip:

Summer :flow2:

[flower]

I just started the book too. So far I am enjoying it! :) I will jump in a discussion tomorrow!

[Debuska]

Well, I finally received Dr. Phil's book and WOW - do I have my work cut out for me.:yikes:

"Changing from the inside out" - Since so many of my dieting efforts have failed, this is something I've realized for some time now. I'm looking forward to learning how to do it.

"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured." Does anyone else think this flies in the face of his weight table when taken in the context of Get Real Goal Setting? According to the table I should weigh what I did when I was 30. I'm more realistic than than and know that's not a Get Real anything for me. I believe the statement about "Goal Weight being congruent ..." but I think he contradicts that statement with the weight table.

"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until you've walked through all seven". I am TOTALLY committed to doing this right. I'm going to open each door slowly and in order - it'll take awhile but I believe I'll be learning so much about my self that I'd better take my time in order to comprehend everything.

About willpower - I really liked what he said about will power being related to depriving yourself. That concept really works for me so I'm with him regarding "no willpower".

I hope each of you will forgive me for not addressing each of the topic areas, but my approach to this is going to be"An Assignment for Life". So rather than addressing specifc sections of the book, although I'm sure I will from time to time, my posts will likely be more along the lines of insights I'm gaining from it. For example, for the past day and for the upcoming week my plan is to practice positive self-talk. I've learned that I internalize most things related to my (lack of) weight management and I'm very hard on myself. So, in order for me to succeed with the 7 Keys, where I think I need to, I'm going to take the time to practice each step for a few days (or until I think I've "got it"), before moving on to the next chapter. I've been taking extensive notes, spending a lot of time thinking about some of the passages and, well, treating this like I would taking a class.:write:

I'm pretty pumped about all this and looking forward to what's next. The idea of being a better me, and not just size wise, has me very excited.:dizzy:

[Debuska]

I just realized that I was jumping ahead a litte. SORRY ALL. I'll pay better attention from now on.../Deb

[Lavender Girl]

"You did what you knew how to do, when you knew better, you did better" ~ Maya Angelou

Greetings all,

"Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?"

As he starts the chapter, I like how he illustrates in the very first pages that this is not "'quick and easy' but doable" and "there is no 'one size fits all' solution". For me those statments put me at ease.. kind of like "Good, I am not going to asked to run through some totally impossiable obstical course - He's sensable!" It seems like every diet on the market wants something crazy, that we all know deep down ultimately won't work. We all have jumped on some stupid diet band-wagon (cabbage soup diet, atkins diet, Xenadrine, Herb-a-Life) knowing full well in our heart that we would never be able to sustain that kind of life style. One thing I did not like about the first 8 pages is that he kept repeting himself... 8 pages of of one concept stated 50 different ways.

Seven Keys:
#1 - Right Thinking "unlocks the door to self-control". I feel that self-control is his replacement for will-power. I like this, it is more tangable to me. I feel like I can have self-control even when I am not in a dieting mood or perky, for lack of a better word. With will-power I feel like I am constantly haveing to be my own cheerleader and motivated all of the time.

#2 & #4- Healing Feelings & Mastery Over Food and Impulse Eating - these are very interconnected for me. Both definately play a big part of any weight loss I'll have. I am a total emotional eater, I eat when I am happy, sad, bored, and I usually over eat at meals, just because the food is there.

#3 & #7 A No-Fail Envrioment & Circle of Support are also very interconnected, with-out one, I won't manage the other. My biggest issue here is my husband with the turbo metabolism who has a very hard time understanding why I am cooking differently and why I won't go to Baskin Robbins with him. I won't even go into a Food Court most days. And he is totally resistant to the intergration of new healthier foods (fish, veggies, tofu).

Later in the chapter Dr.Phil goes into programming yourself for success. This is an easy concept to understand, harder to accomplish. In a household envrioment, it's not just reprogramming yourself, but your whole family as well. This will be my biggest challenge.

My own personal truth: For me it is all about the food. I work in a profession that requires certian physical standards be met, and I do meet them. I excersize an average of 5 times a week and love to work out. So, the food is what is killing me. Like I said earlier... I eat for every emotion and always for celebrations. That is one of my biggest concerns, the hoildays are comming and what am I gonna do? Half of Christmas and all of my Thanksgiving traditions revolve around cooking and baking and shareing the wealth of food with all of our neighbors and co-workers and family! But I digress.

So far what I think of this chapter is "Your right Dr. Phil, you are right"! For me this first chapter has been about control - about all of us taking back control of our own lives. I have read ahead and can't wait to get to the rest of the chapters with all of you.... to the action part of it.

[nanj]

I have been a lurker on 3 Fat Chicks for about three years. Occasionally, I would post something, mostly a looking for a recipe or information about a product. I have always read the different diet plans posted here and have been on those diets at one time or another. When I started reading Dr. Phil's book, I was terribly excited about finding out that you were starting a book forum to discuss the book. You guys are so insightful and I am amazed that so many of you have the same problems and deal with some of the same things that I do. I started reading and applying the Dr. Phil book the same day I got it. I have to, I feel that this is going to be my last chance at having a normal life at a a comfortable weight. I have lost 7.5 lbs. since I started applying it. I have taken food as comfort my whole life. I am not a spill-my-guts kind of person and unlocking why I over eat is making me deal with a painful childhood that I thought I had long buried and telling someone has been quite an ordeal. I haven't taken very good care of myself over the years. I am a 52 y/o RN and should have known better. Well, I guess I did know better, but never thought enough of myself to really do it. I have always been a shamed of my body and although I am out going I haven't let too many people get really close to me on a personal level. Thanks to God, that I have a wonderful husband and kids. Now a word to the wise. Quite a few years ago, I had to go to a female gynocologist. Mine had left the area and she was completely new to me. I have always hated the physical exam because I have always been so embarrassed about my size. I always try to make a joke about being so big and I have always figured if I make fun of it and address it before someone else does it would make things easier for me. As the doctor was palpating my stomach to feel my ovaries, she was very quiet and finally said, "Did you know there are people starving in Africa." I was so humiliated I have never gone back for another pap or pelvic. I have had quite a bit of pain with my abdomen for the last few months but it seemed like every doctor I've ever gone to has made my being overweight the cause of all my troubles so why go. The doctor I worked for even asked me if I knew what a salad was! Well, to make a long story short. I finally went to see the doctor and after a stomach and pelvis CT, they are sending me for a work up for ovarian cancer. I know that ovarian cancer is very hard to diagnose, but feel if I had been more comfortable with myself and my body things would not have progressed so far as they have. I was also diagnosed with severe arthritis in my thoracic spine. Doctor asked me if I had been having any pain and I said yes, but everytime I had complained to doctors in the past they just told me that I needed to lose weight. This doctor is completely different. He is a christian doctor and is one of the nicest men I've ever met. When he first met me I told him that I know I'm overweight, now let's go on to something else. He just laughed and said if you are aware of it than you need to deal with it. Well, enough. I guess this is has been cathartic for me. Dr. Phil's book is making me realize that I do matter, I have an obligation to my family to get healthy and stay well. I can't continue to wallow in self-pity and hide behind food. We went to Pizza Hut and I kept hearing in my head things that I had read in the book and I didn't make pizza the main course or the only course. Thank you Dr. Phil.

[Mitchypoo]

Hugs to you Nanj! :grouphug: I am so sorry that people are so rude and that it hurt you so. I'm so happy you have found a good Dr. and I wish you well. You really took a lot of courage to share that and I'm proud of you. Maybe you can now put it behind you and not hear that stupid lady dr.

This is a wonderful journey, don't ya think?

[FLgal]

Nanj....I, too, and sorry to hear that so many people have hurt you. Please come and post with us often. There are so many great people here who have been thru what you went thru and sometimes it does help to talk with them. I think Dr. Phil's book is going to help a lot of us.

{{{{HUG}}}}

Nita

[smidgen]

I have to agree with Kim. I'm only 5 feet tall and small-boned, and Dr. Phil says that I should weigh 99 pounds! I don't think I can remember EVER weighing that! I'm 44 years old and I know that I'm never going to weigh that amount. I was right with him until I got to the weight chart. It really brought me down, because even the bad charts that the doctors have don't say that I need to weigh in at that low number. What was he thinking? I realize that he was just giving a starting point and everything else that you guys said, but I think he'd been better off if he'd just left the chart out of it.

Cindy

[nikkic]

Nanj,
I am so proud of you for being able to speak about how you feel and to be open. I know it's hard, especially when your talking about something so personal.
I was an RN for over 20 years and I know that Drs are just people, some good, some not so good. However, that doesn't mean that they can't learn how to treat patients better. Too many of them are so full of themselves, they don't remember that they are just people with faults of their own. It's hard to find a good AND compassionate one, those are the most rare.
I think you are like so many women, myself included, that spend a lot of time caring for other people, but not caring for yourself very much. I'm hoping this book will address that in depth. If not, I know already that this group has picked apart the first chapter into fine shreds and I've learned more than I ever dreamed possible from everyones open, honest posts. I really think that this will be a wonderful place to find something that we have been missing so badly-a place filled with people that have common experiences, feelings and support each other.
I hope you continue to post and that you find out good news from the tests. Nikki

[LuckyLadyBug]

Nanj,

Thank you for sharing your story. I haven't even gone to a doctor since I gained weight. At least you had the courage to do that.

Please let us know how your tests come out. :angel:

[SunnyD57]

http://members.aol.com/gardenmail/irmnch2.gif Dear NANJ ~ I too am very touched by you taking the time to open up to us. That took strength of character to do. I bet you don't even know how much you have helped others who may be lurking now going through the same thing and will now go to a Dr if they never have or till they find one that will care for them and help them as you have. There are just too many "Dr. God's" out there today that think they know more then the person suffering... when all they have to do is "care"! I praise the Lord that you found someone and he was a good Christian Dr. with a heart for people, no matter the size. There are many good Dr's out there, you just have to keep looking till you find one that will listen to you --- YOU are Proof of that!

May the Lord Bless You, Nanj!
My Prayers...
You are very Special!
Thank-you for sharing!!!
:grouphug:

[sprout]

My heart ached when I read your post. I saw so much of myself in it.
I too had a hard time going to see the doctor for routine checkups mainly because they were so uncomfortable and because of my size.

Then in the summer of 2000 I was told I had cancer -- endrometrial cancer -- and that I needed a complete radical hysterocomy. I went into a state of shock -- they told me that with the symptons that I had had over 10 years if I had it checked out that possibly the surgery would not have been necessary. But I didn't go to the doctors as you I stated above. So on Sepember 7 I was operated on. I had to uproot my family and dry 12 hours to get to the hospital as our local hospital would not consider doing the operation -- I was to much of a health risk not because of the cancer but because my weight was causing to many other medical concerns. I was told the day prior to the operation that I would be in the hospital possibly for 14 days and that more than likely I would be in ICU for at least 4 days all due to my weight and the problems stemming from it. But the Lord was with me. I was operated on on Friday at 2 pm and the following morning before 9 am all tubes were removed including the morphine drip. They discharged me on Monday -- telling me that it was ok to make the long trip home by car just keep a pillow handy. And that is what we did. Of course there was the healing process of the surgery but that went well. The outcome of the surgery was good -- they told me that even though the cancer had been growing for 10 years that they got it all -- no chemo or radiation -- that I was cancer free. But of course I had to go through the regular check ups as all cancer patients do. Low and below this spring the called to tell me -- guess what the cancer has returned -sorry! Yeah, right, sorry! So now what? From May 25 until July 24 I went daily for radiation -- the cancer returned only in one small part -- just one cell but they had to treat it aggressively this time because of its return -- and they have told me that with me still having all this weight that there is a possibility that it will come back again!! Nice thoughts right. Well I have completed all the treatments and had a 6 week checkup -- doctor -- very good one I might say -- says oops, your not healed I can't properly exam you. I asked why am I not healed? He said -- this is the effects sometimes with radiation -- internal scaring -- so I am now having to see my gyno this week -- and if he can't get a proper exam then once again I have to travel to the cancer hospital -- this time 6 hours away -- to be put to sleep to see why I am not healing inside. Scary is the effects radiation can have -- permanent diahrea is one, the possibility that the scaring can close of the vagina so that any further exams cann't be done and also by the way if the scaring gets this bad they now tell me that having sex with hubby would be out of the question due to all the scaring. They didn't tell me that before the radiation. Mind you I still would have gone through with the treatment as getting rid of the cancer is the first priority.

I tell you this not to scare you but to let you know you aren't alone. Should you ever want to talk privately please send me a private message -- it helps talking to someone who has been there -- there are so many more issues to deal with when you have been told the word cancer -- and I must say my husband and I am still dealing with them and I am sure will continue for the rest of our lives. Once a cancer victim always a cancer victim -- just different stages we go through with it.

But by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ we can make it -- but we really need to get this weight off to help ourselves with this problem -- and we can do it.

I started with this book 3 weeks ago today and have lost 2 pounds since then -- not much but that is the first 2 pounds in months.

[Angel26519]

It is amazing how cancer is in everyone's lives somehow..... whether you are the person or one of your friends and loved ones.....

I had cervical cancer 4 years ago.... I was also having so much trouble with my endometriosis that I was bleeding 19 days a month. I had been having pap smears but they always came back bad because of the female issues that no one really paid attention to them.... one day my new doctor (a female) went to do some exploration and stopped cold. I was at level 3 cancer with heavy signs of level 4........ this was in August. Problem was due to my severe anemia they couldnt operate on me for fear of death.... They started giving me iron shots every other day... I had to have shots because i am allergic to Iron and pills dont stay down.... I was sick as a dog everyday for 4 months from these shots. At the start of my shots my one blood count was 1600 (it is supposed to be around 3500) and my other count was a 7 (which was supposed to be 12-14)....

I was a single mother of 2 kids at the time and had no one near that could help me except my neighbor and I didnt want to burden her too much.... I was trying to work fulltime, take kids to dance and baseball.... tyring to have a normal life inbetween constant throwing up and extreme weakness....

I was lucky. I have one of the few doctors in the world that truly cares. I am not some chart. I am not a number. She cried with me the day we decided on a hysterctomy ( I was only 31 years old). She held my hand and stayed in the exam room with me for an hour. She was wonderful!

My surgery was finally set for December 19th.... my mother came up to supposedly help me after surgery. The surgery went well. I was lucky. I had already decided that if she didnt get everything I was not going to go through chemo..... my standard of living was already gone and I wanted the last days to be good days.

I came home on a thursday before christmas. My mother proceeded to leave with my kids to go back home to have christmas at her house instead on friday. She left me alone on christmas after having a c-section hysterectomy where I wasnt to lift anything or climb stairs (bedroom and shower upstairs). Lowest point in my life. I thought about suicide ALOT!!!!!

I stared at my christmas tree all day and night the day of christmas and thought of death. I spoke to God most of the day. I was trying to figure out my place and why I didnt feel like I belonged. Why even my mother couldnt love me. Low was not the word.

Then on New Years Eve I decided to change my life. I was tired of being the one people always came to when they had a problem yet they were never there when I needed them.

I also realized that in all these years I had been trying to have this great close mother-daughter relationship with my mother and yet I had never asked her if this is what she wanted.... I was always calling her (single mom racking a phone bill!!!) and yet she never called me. I always made the plans for us to be together. Never her. I called her. Told her I was sorry for doing this to her. For making her feel obligated to have that type of relationship. That if she wanted one I was here but I wouldnt press her into it anymore.

The end of the story is that she now calls me and I still call her but it is more equal. I found a great guy when I stopped looking for him. And I have now been cancer free for almost 4 years without having to go through chemo....

I want to thank you guys for talking about what you are going through. I want you to know that you arent alone. I also want to thank you guys for reminding me to go have my checkup.

Have a great day!

[Angel26519]

OK Guys- Lets wrap up this chat and go onto the next one....

I will leave this page open for the rest of the day in case anyone has something else to post.

I will now start the next discussion : Key One.

See you there!

[Lavender Fields]

WOW! I got to buy Dr. Phil's book this weekend, and I just finished the first reading. I am very impressed with his approach, so I'm really glad I got it and I'm glad to be in this Book Club with you guys!

Tricia

[Angel26519]

Ok Everyone!

This Board is officially closed!

Join us on Discussion 2: Key one - Right Thinking!

[Angel26519]

Hi Everyone!

I thought we could revisit the book and maybe get some stuff out of it the second time (or the first time for some). Maybe we could remember some of the things that we forgot or let click things that we didnt let click the 1st time through.

I have some real hang ups and am very frustrated with myself for not getting all the way through the book the 1st time through.

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32270

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34698

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44923

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45320

Above are some of the posts in reference to Chapter One. I thought I would put it all together for those of you interested in others insight.

One thing that makes me sick is that I started this thread on the Dr Phil Book back in October of last year. I was the instigator of all of this. And what have I accomplished in a year. I have gained another 20 pounds!!!! How dissappointed in myself am i! I wish that the light bulb would switch on. I need it to.

I know that I have had a lot of life changes in the last year. I was very sick last winter, made a major career change that I am happy for, had a son go to college, had my 1st year of marriage to the love of my life (after 13 years of being a single mom), have a 16 year daughter in my house (need I say more???) and finally I threw out my back in July that I am just now finding relief from after going to physical therapy 3 times a week since it happened. Somewhere along the line I have forgot about taking care of myself.

These are all excuses that I shouldnt let get in my way but they have. I have got to stop now. On average I have gained 10-20# a year to get to where I am now. I have to stop this viscous cycle now. I weighed 172# (and thought I was huge!) when my husband and I 1st met (July 1, 2000). In 4 1/2 years I am now up 55#.... so not good. I want to beautiful not only for him but for myself. Why am I hiding? What am I afraid of? Those are things that I have to figure out.

I hope others will join me and that we can fight our demons together. Let's get through this book and make next year our best year. Let's do this together!

Dr Phil said this time next year you will not weigh the same , you will be either more or less than you weigh now.. This is soooo true.... I mean look at me.... I started this all a year ago and I now weigh 20#s more......I really dont want to be in the same place a year from now. Or worse yet another 10-20#s heavier.

HELP ME PEOPLE!!!!!! And I will help you!

OK in my next post I will write about the new perspectives that I got from rereading Chapter One. Let me know what you guys got out of it. What are you hoping to find in this book? I think that we should try for a chapter a week if that is ok with everyone else. I you think we should go faster or we are finished with the discussion on each chapter we can go ahead and go to the next thing.... just let me know.

This time lets let this make the difference.

[kathyinaus]

I could have written this post, it is EXACTLY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am SO desparate to lose weight, and yet, I DO NOTHING to get there.I worked for years as a dietary technician, working with dietitians and I KNOW better. I'm so SCARED I'm going to have a heart attack and pass away, and yet I STILL DO NOTHING. I'm so uncomfortable and hate myself so MUCH, I have so many problems like even doing up shoelaces, and my 7 year old keeps asking me why I don't want to be skinny like her and DH.

We need to get together on this and just try a little each and every day.
I don't know HOW to get the will to do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[Jazzmine]

[QUOTE=kathyinaus]
I am SO desparate to lose weight, and yet, I DO NOTHING to get there. I'm so SCARED I'm going to have a heart attack and pass away, and yet I STILL DO NOTHING. I'm so uncomfortable and hate myself so MUCH, I have so many problems like even doing up shoelaces.

We need to get together on this and just try a little each and every day.
[QUOTE]

Well that all could have been written by me.

I know what to do, and I know it needs to be done, I just haven't gotten it all together yet-not in the right mindset. Is this the will power Dr. Phil is talking about??

I think I desperately need to put myself FIRST in my life. I am a single parent, so how can I do it?? BUT...I know that if I don't get serious and get this weight off, I won't even be here to see them grow up and have lives and families of their own, so CAN I wait anymore in making myself first????

What are you hoping to find in this book?

In this book I am hoping to find encouragemant and the tools to make me change my mindset and put myself first.

I am also hoping to find a support group, as I need to be able to talk about this with people, but I feel like no one in real life understands the trials and tribulations of the daily struggle I feel.

[Mima]

What helped me most was answering the questions about how we think of ourselves. Mima

[Jen]

Angel, thanks so much for starting this thread. I know it is rough when you've had some changes where you lose track of what you are trying to accomplish. It is even worse when you go along and everything is the same and you keep gaining weight (my story in a nutshell). The thing is that we've got to stop putting others first and start thinking about ourselves because all this weight we don't need will catch up with us really fast sooner or later.

About Dr. Phil and his book. I like Dr. Phil, I really do. I like that he has a no nonsense approach. It seems to me that he is saying that yes you may have emotional problems that cause you to eat but you can overcome these and also that even if we do have problems that we should just smarten up and treat ourselves better. It is funny how we think about crappy food as being treats ie chocolate bars or donuts but really it is about the worst thing we could do for ourselves is to eat this stuff.

I've read through his book and done a lot of the work. I followed the rapid start plan in the food guide and it worked well for me (when I stuck to it). So what is my problem?? I really don't think I have any emotional problems associated with eating. I think I have a lot of bad habits I have to change and I have to give myself a major kick in the a$$ to stop being so lazy because honestly I think that is a lot of the problem. If I can stick to his eating plan and continue with the exercise program that I started a couple of months ago I can see that I could easily lose 8-10 lbs a month. I think that is completely realistic and I know that I could get down to my goal weight within a year.

[MistySeptember]

Ok let me try this again... I had a very long and detailed post I was working on when DD (18 months) hit ESC!!!! Please bear with me if my spelling, grammer and typing are poor. I can't spell to save my life and my DD is climbing all over me trying to cram cheerios in my mouth with a very large spoon she had previously been using as a drum stick. And if I don't say "MMMMM Cheerios!" everytime she does it she grabs my face and says it over and over until I do :dizzy:

Hi, all! My name is Misty. I would very much like to join this thread and discuss Dr. Phil's book.