I've got to the root of my problem

[eg with an M]

Hey girls I'm here !
I think it has been at least a month since I have posted and during that time I had to take a hard look at what I have been doing to my body and why my efforts at working out, eating right/not eating right ( I even joined weight watchers again for 2 days - the shame of it!) were just not going anywhere . I do do have a problem with compulsive eating, BUT I have a bigger problem with self-medicating with alcohol. Even Gymnut noticed that on one of my posts I "drank my dinner" and instead of craving a newly liberated food I found a new excuse to drink( I wasn't physically hungry, but I was craving wine so I had some and didn't stop). I noticed the connection and my escapist behavior lead up to all the dysfunction I have living . I have been soooo messed up.

SO, at this point in my life I have to work on my sobriety first, and after a reasonable amount of abstinence I can tackle my eating disorder recovery. I finally had to come to terms with this and so far I have had a roller coaster of raw emotions and symptoms of withdrawal , but I am determined to make it! Thanks for all the support you have given me and feel free to leave me messages on the private message board if you want. I will check in from time to time, but I know that you all understand that I can't work the steps on demand eating at this time.

Funny thing is, weight and body image is not in the forefront of my mind right now. I have a great support group and am going to enter into counseling after I get my taxes taken care of. I'm just happy that I didn't let things get too out of control or I could have really hurt myself and the one I love even more. I say a prayer for all you guys and your growth and fellowship, and I will be back when it is appropriate for me to be here.
Keep the Love, Faith, & Courage Going!

- Meg

[Kymber]

Oh Meg,

What an incredible person you really are!! It is so difficult to deal with things in our lives. You are really doing WONDERFUL!!!!

Please come on and chat with us and let us know how you're doing!

You know we're always here for you (even if we don't post much).....

Take care and get healthy!!!!!!

Kymber

[fullhouse]

Meg,

You are to be very proud of yourself. This is a difficult thing to acknowledge and even more difficult to confront. But I know that youcan do it. You are brave and can apply much of the truth that you have gleaned from posting to what you are going to be going through. It really isn't about the food...it's what you use it for, and its the same with alcohol. There is a physically addictive component for you and it sounds as though that is where you are...

Have you thought about AA? The support is wonderful.

I agree with Kymber. Please keep in touch here. Your cyberpals are supportive of you no matter what it is that you are struggling with. I hope that you can feel that you can lean on any one of us that's been with you for a while. I know we aren't there physically, but I have broad, soft shoulders!! The success that you WILL have requires a good support system in place. I would like to be a part of that system.

Take care, be gentle with yourself - you really ARE doing the best that you can! Know that you will be in my thoughts.

[eg with an M]

Thanks guys, your posts meant a lot. I do have an addictive personality and I am guilty for trading compulsions. I have been going to AA after I decided to give up drinking for Lent, and three days after that I found myself going my first meeting in years. I had some problems with drinking before , about 5 years ago and had gone to AA for a few weeks but felt my problems weren't connected to drinking, just situational behavior in response to a lot of stress ( mostly self imposed,and I can really see that now). I wasn't ready to admit and surrender my addictions.

This time I acknowledge the problem, the pattern and the history of my drinking and how it affected everything!

So, at this point I have had 18 awesome days of sobriety, have been going to meetings daily, sometimes twice a day, and have a sponsor that is there to help, not to mention at least a dozen people who right off the bat gave me their phone numbers if I needed to call and talk. It has diffused a lot of anger,self pity, and resentment

I celebrated my 35th birthday yesterday and it was the first time in 20 years that I didn't drink on St.Patricks day/ my Birthday. I celebrated with my dearest friend of 28 years and my incredible husband and daughter. I feel very strong and feel like I have an opportunity to "reinvent myself". I am scared in that eventually I might tell my family of origin, and some of my friends will notice my abstinence after Lent ( I get worked up over that).
But, I really am learning to "let go and let God" and do the One day at a time way of living.
I really appreciate all your support and this past year has been a doozey! I am going to make it.
Thanks again, you are a wonderful bunch!

Love, Meg

[princesswendy]

hi meg,
im sorry i didnt respond to your post sooner but i havent been at this site in quite awhile.
im so happy you are dealing with ALL of your issues, and yes, i agree, drinking is more serious than compulsive overeating.
please keep us up to date on how you are doing, i sure miss reading your insights.
take care and know that my prayers are with you.
love, wendy