I posted this in several other threads, but I saw this one, and thought there might be some kindred spirits here too I'm a "PerkyGoth", so that definitely falls under "Alternachick"
My name is Jen. I'm 26, 5'6+ (almost 5'7!), and have been struggling with my weight for most of the last 16 years of my life. I'm just under 300 lbs (again) (for now, OTR at the moment, ugh), but I need to lose a HUGE amount of weight if I want to live the happy, healthy, and long life that we all desire and deserve.
Where do I start? Well, I wasn't a fat child, but early puberty (period at 10), fat genes, and a taste for junk food I wasn't allowed to have at home got me to between 200 and 250, back and forth, between the ages of 11 and 17. I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive/Bipolar at age 17, and put on a NASTY cocktail of drugs that, while temporarily calming me down, caused massive weight loss in a short period, much of my hair to fall out, and generally made me more of a basket case in the long run. And then tragedy struck....
After becoming "skinny" (although I'd lost a lot of hair, so I still felt ugly...STILL growing it back!
)(165 lbs was skinny to me and others!) from Lithium poisioning and all that crap, I managed to REALLY get myself in trouble: I got pregnant just after HS graduation, from a guy I'd been with on and off since I was 12 (we weren't serious until I was 15 or so)...being the stellar young man he was, he promptly told me to abort and cut off all contact with me(we lived in different states at this point). I decided to keep the baby, but quickly developed serious complications. I managed to get Pre-eclampsia in my 4th month, resulting in mandatory bedrest. My unborn daughter was doing just fine, despite the health concerns regarding my BP (I've had issues with it since I was 12), until I picked up a MASSIVE infection during a short hospital stay for gallstones...my daughter, who'd previously been super-healthy, was stillborn a few days later, at 29 weeks. I was a wreck, as you can imagine. No amount of support can alleviate the pain of losing a child, especially when it's your first. I'm scarred for life, I think.
My poor mother, who was as crushed as I was, took care of me the only way she knew how: by feeding me. Food has always been a comfort to me, and this situation was a great exaggeration of that sad fact. I left the hospital a week after losing my little girl at around 225 lbs (gained a lot from bedrest and P/E fluids), and before I knew it, I was 300 lbs by the next year. I'm a mess. While my life is improved these days (I have a wonderful fiance, a lovely little nephew, age 5, who has done a lot to help with my pain, and I'm working towards a great career), I still ache for my baby girl, as well as the mistakes I would change if I only had a chance. #1 being getting pregnant in the first place, and #2 being eating to try and fill the hole in my heart.
My depression, whatever the diagnosis (I think, at some point, I've been "tagged" with everything in the DSM-IV) definitely complicates my efforts to become healthy, but I CANNOT LET DESPAIR KILL ME. This is why I'm here. Besides, I desperately want another child, but it might be deadly to attempt pregnancy at my size, with my BP issues and history. I'd sooner die than risk losing another baby. My doctor warns me every visit to not get pregnant, as for some reason, I cannot assure her that I am NOT currently trying to get pregnant. What a moron! She put in my dang IUD, argh!
Since I'm technically insulin-resistant as well, with a F/H of diabetes, I try to follow a low-glycemic diet. I'm currently trying to do my own "Beach Watchers" sort of thing, where I follow the SB principles, but within WW's points. I'd love to hear from anyone doing a similar plan
So there's my sob story....I don't mean to bring you down, but it helps to explain my predicament and large amount of weight to use.
Is there an "emotional eaters" group? I definitely need to get in on that.
Anyways, thanks for listening/reading, and feel free to contact me!