Hard to Find Supportive Comfortable Always Lifts You Up Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging Makes You Look Better And Always Close To Your Heart!!!
>NUDITY
>I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
>Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
>naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
>back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
>
>
>
>HONESTY
>My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
>dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
>garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom
>and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
>little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the
>toilet a few days ago.
>
>
>
>OPINIONS
>On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from
>his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
>necessarily those of his parents."
>
>
>
>KETCHUP
>A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
>her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
>the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
>she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
>hitting the bottle."
>
>
>
>MORE NUDITY
>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
>room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
>towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
>asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
>
>
>
>ELDERLY
>While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
>shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The
>various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
>wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
>pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
>inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth
>fairy will never believe this!"
>
>
>
>DRESS-UP
>A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
>dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
>"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
>next morning."
>
>
>SCHOOL
>A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
>my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
>won't let me talk!"
>
>
>
>BIBLE
>A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
>through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
>up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
>pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
>out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
>voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter.
> He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell
him what Easter represented.
>
> The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast
and we give thanks and eat turkey."
>
> St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to ****.
>
> The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and
> exchange gifts."
>
> St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to ****.
>
> The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St.Peter said, "So,
tell me."
>
> She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish
> festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples
> when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him.
> The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried
> Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
>
> St. Peter said, "Very good."
>
> Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year they roll away the boulder and
> Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
>
> St. Peter fainted.
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's probably shouldn't have survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat, as well as sitting on the rear edge of the station wagon and hanging onto the roof!
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one
actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
We had friends! We went outside and found them.
We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem
solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of
innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
Is it possible that Newfie jokes are getting worse !!!
Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation Paddy answered, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him $80.00 dollars a week unemployment pay. Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter". Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 dollars a week. When Paddy found out he was furious! He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The Clerk explained "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labour." "What skill?" yelled Paddy. " I sew the elastic on the panties. All Mick does is put them over his head and say: 'Yep, diesel fitter'.
LETTER TO A MOTHER
>>>
>>>
>>> A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter
>>>over the bed.
>>>
>>> With a terrible premonition, she reads it, her hands
>>>trembling..............
>>>
>>> Mom,
>>> It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you
>>>that I eloped
>>> with my new boyfriend.
>>>
>>> I have found real passion and he is so nice, with all his
>>>piercings and
>>> tattoos and his big motorcycle.
>>>
>>> But it's not only that, Mom.......I'm pregnant and Ahmed
>>>said that we will be
>>> very happy in his trailer in the woods.
>>>
>>> He wants to have many more children with me and that's one
>>>of my dreams.
>>>
>>> I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll
>>>be growing it
>>> for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the
>>> cocaine and ecstasy we may want.
>>>
>>> In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the
>>>AIDS cure, and for
>>> Ahmed to get better...he deserves it.
>>>
>>> Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to
>>>take care of
>>> myself.
>>>
>>> Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.
>>>
>>> Your daughter,
>>>
>>> Judith
>>>
>>> PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just
>>>wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the
>>>school report card that's in my desk drawer...I love you!
Four hockey fans are mountain climbing. Each climber happens to be a rabid fan of a different NHL team. One from Ottawa, one from Calgary, one fromToronto and the other from Vancouver.
As they climb higher and higher up the mountain, they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular hockey team.
As they reach the summit, the climber from Calgary takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain yelling "This is for the Calgary Flames!"
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from Vancouver throws himself off the mountain shouting "This is for the Vancouver Canucks!".
Seeing this, the Ottawa Senators fan walks to the edge and yells, "This is for hockey fans everywhere!". He then pushes the Toronto fan off the cliff.
A Friend Is Like...
Cute! true too 
