Irish is right, Squeak. Bite your tongue, and give them the finger when their backs are turned.
I've got nine left-over sheets of drywall standing in my front hall. I don't know what to do with them. We'll need them for projects later on, but are they going to stand there for a year or so?! If they weren't so darned heavy, I'd carry them down the basement myself.
I'm rambling... I just woke up...
Thanks for all the good luck ladies. My advisor emailed this morning i passed!!!!!!! 93% not bad for someone who dropped out in 9th grade to travel got my ged few years back, but never did much in the way of schooling. mainly self taught i am. lol anyway few odds and ends to tie up and should start on the 29th.
hubby got a 2nd job at night tattooing. so he is happy. but now i will only really see him on sundays. kinda feel stranded in my own home.
Well, I want to tell you all about a conversation that I had yesterday with my step daughter-in-law. I have been keeping her new born son for free five days a week for the past month. ( I chose to do this to help them out and love keeping him)
My Husbands son is in law inforcement and they only have one vehicle and he can't have passengers in his police vehicle. I have a 90 Courgar that I no longer need as my husband has two newer cars so I decide to give them my car. We put the car in the shop to get it checked out and got new breaks and a tune up. Yesterday we took the car to them. They were just kind of ho hum about the whole thing. My Dh ask them if they wanted to go out to eat, but instead we decided to order pizza in. Then decided to go get the pizza. While the guys were gone the daughter in law informed me that they would be starting their Christmas traditions this year and that would mean that they would spend Christmas Eve with my Dh's ex-wife and Christmas day with her mom and dad. Then she did not offer a special day for us. I waited for her to say what our tradition would be, but I guess ours is getting the shaft. She also said that she didn't want her son to get small presents that she wanted several of us to go in together and get her son new furniture for his room or other big items that they needed. So in other words her son would not even know who the present was from since it would be from everybody.She also said that my Dh's mother's (who is 90 and still lives alone)house is too small to entertain in and that they would not be going to her house anymore for Christmas get togethers because she was uncomfortable there (This girl weighs around 250 so maybe that is why she thinks it is too small for her.)
I talked to my dh about this and want him to talk to his son to see how he feels about it since he wasn't present for all of this. I have decide to keep this child for another month or two and them I am going back to work. I really feel insulted over this! My Dh was taking about starting a college fund for the boy and other things to help him. If the parents are going to treat us like crap I do not want to give our resources to them.
This hurts my feeling and makes me mad at the same time. I don't want my Dh hurt any more my these people. And i don't want to get close to this little boy and have them do mean things to me and make financial demands on us so we can see their son.
Last edited by Irish Tart; 03-06-2004 at 03:16 PM.
Irish Tart - Sweetie, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I don't know what it's like to be in your situation but I know a lot about family stress. I loathe going home because of my disfuc*tional family. My only word of warning is that sometimes when you decide to fight your battles, you might lose more than you intended.
As far as the Christmas present, I'd totally ignore her. I mean, what in the heck is she thinking telling people what they can and can not give as a present?!?! That's just downright rude and presumptuous! I hate it when people think gifts are some required homage that they have a right to dictate over. Is this her first child?
As far as the christmas traditions go, you have a right to ask for a special day. She's made it clear what her plans are (and to be fair, I think it was hard for her to express those to you) and now you should have the opportunity to plan something. If she's uncomfortable going to the great-grandmother's house, perhaps it's something you, your DH and the baby can do together?
I hate it that she put you into this situation and I'd wager that as the baby gets older, the self-righteousness calms down a bit. I know it won't make you feel any better but when both halves of my family remarried, they put me in situations that made me have to choose and I'm sure I came off like a royal b**** to some of them. I hate the holidays because of that reason! Try to give her a bit of sympathy and understanding even if you want to punch her in the nose. >>>HUGS<<<
Oh, Irish... What a horrible situation. It sounds as though you're really being taken advantage of. Your step-daughter-in-law (who sounds like a total *****, but probably is just very young and stupid like we all were) shouldn't even have been HAVING that conversation with you! She was obviously trying to take advantage of having you on your own, knowing you'd be "nice" about the situation.
Jessica made some excellent points. Telling people what to buy as gifts is a no-no. Either buy what you want to give, or don't bother.
And yes, the daughter-in-law probably IS somewhat insecure (maybe), and may find it difficult (maybe?) to express to her in-laws the life she wants to lead with her DH.
If I were you (you DID want advice, didn't you? heh heh), I'd talk to your DH about it and let HIM handle it. It's his son. Those are the two that should be conversing. None of this, "We'll let the women deal with this messy situation." Those days are OVER, baby! Let it go, hon. It's NOT your problem. I know you love that baby, but don't make yourself sick by trying to fix this mess. IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM! Hear me, sweetie? Sending you lots of love and hugs and prayers... xoxo
Thanks, Jessica and Ellis. I am not wanting them to take side I just want us to be able to come over for an hour or so some time during the Christmas holidays to give this baby his presents and share some of the Christmas season with him ( like Christmas evening/night.) My dh is going to talk to his son and see what is up with this. All we want to do is love this baby and I would like to do good things for the Daughter-in-law too but I think she has made up her mind that she doesn't want a relationship with me, in part I believe at the ex-wifes malipulations of the situation. She also said during the conversation that she was getting caller ID so that her husband could talk to his family and that she could talk to hers since she felt like everyone just talked to her to be polite. What ever happens we love this little boy and will do what ever we can do to help him as he grows!
I agreee with Jessica & Ellis. I think your husband should handle it, but I also think that DS & DIL maybe getting pulled in a few different directions, and don't know how to handle it properly. Just a thought...
Love this new smiley -
Spent the day with my nephew yesterday. He is very much back to normal. He bottom lip started shivering which has us a bit worried for a second, but he was just cold.
Plan on cleaning up my apartment some more today. Got rid of about 10 magazines yesterday. Cleaned my kitchen table - which I never use, so it just gets piled with junk.
Irish, sorry to hear about your problems with your daughter in law
It is very difficult when you get married and have to share Christmas with several families. I think that your husband's son should have had that conversation with him instead of you and DIL. It is unfair of them to cut you out of Christmas altogether.
My Husband and I used to spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning with his mom, went over to his dad's for lunch and the afternoon, then returned to his mom's for Christmas dinner. We then spent boxing day with my mum and dad.
I am sure you can work something out.
On the gift demands....it is totally rude to make demands like that, especially since some people may want to give a personal gift or some people may not be able to afford to give as much $$ toward a big gift as others. Maybe she is just trying to figure out a way to get the baby the things he needs that they can't afford to buy.
You will have to pick your words carefully in order to avoid starting a fight and alienating her altogether but your DH has to get involved since it is his son and grandson.
Thanks Mauvais, I have a lot to think about. This baby is important to us and also I really would like to have a working relationship with the ds and dil. I think if I can continue to treat them with respect like I always do them maybe this can turn around. We just want to give our gift to the gs during the christmas holiday even if it is just for an hour...we are willing to go to their house and then leave. My Dh really got his feelings hurt over this so naturally it upset me too. He needs to talk to his son. Thanks for caring. Ellis, Jessica and Mauvais you really helped me to put it in perspective. I'm sure it will all work out if we don't make it in to a big deal.
irish, I hope everything works out.and with your positive attitude i am sure it will. In laws, oh i could go on and on, about family relations. but the caller i.d thing to me sounds a bit over the top. My hubby's dad and stepmom. are like my parents. and i get along well enough with most of his family. but his mom. lot of bad blood there. on both parts. but after 10 years i lowered my end of the hatchet. but after that this past christmas she got presents for the kids and him ( and no i am not sulking cuz i didn;t get any) what hurt my feelings was her christmas letter. not even a tell heather hello. or merry christmas. but i am glad that his dad and i are close. sorry to babble on. and that baby sounds lucky to have someone like you and your dh in his life to love him
Heather - I am soooo right there with you. My dad's had an anyerism so he can't remember much and his wife (who is MY age) is in charge of everything and she doesn't care for me. This christmas I didn't get anything from them. Not a letter, not a phone call, no presents. And it's not that I'm mad that she doesn't like me, it's that I can't stand that she can manipulate without my dad recalling it. Grrr!
If they weren't so darned heavy, I'd carry them down the basement myself. 
Heather!
My only word of warning is that sometimes when you decide to fight your battles, you might lose more than you intended. 
What a horrible situation. It sounds as though you're really being taken advantage of. Your step-daughter-in-law (who sounds like a total *****, but probably is just very young and stupid like we all were) shouldn't even have been HAVING that conversation with you! She was obviously trying to take advantage of having you on your own, knowing you'd be "nice" about the situation. 
Let it go, hon. It's NOT your problem. I know you love that baby, but don't make yourself sick by trying to fix this mess. IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM! Hear me, sweetie? Sending you lots of love and hugs and prayers... xoxo
