Someone, please help.... Please hold me accountable just for today (Friday). I do not want to weigh in because this week seems like all I have done is sabotage myself, mainly by skipping workouts. That is probably the most important part of my of my routine and I just haven't been able to get it together. Honestly, I think I am actually scared to death to get bellow 200lbs. and be in Onederland. That is so sad, all I want right now is to be healthy and feel good about myself but I am so scared to move past this. I think I'm losing it, seriously. I realize that my weight has had huge ties to my past- which I am totally ready to be done with (my ties are cut w/ my ex and that relationship) but honestly my weight has been my security blanket and has kept me safe in too many ways. So, please just give me that nudge....actually shove that I need today to get past all of this mental crap and move on with my life.
Stay off the scale, Jamie! You think you are scared of Onederland, but you might want it/be ready for it more than you think. If you get on the scale in the morning, then you might see yourself a couple of more pounds farther from Onederland, and that may be a bigger disappointment than you expected. Wait and weight next Friday instead.
The biggest thing to remember here is that you are worth more than your scale will tell you in the morning, whether you hit Onderland or not. YOU'VE LOST OVER 30 POUNDS and there are a LOT of people that are struggling to get half of that. That takes a STRONG person. You don't need a security blanket, you've proven that over the last 30 pounds. Read your signature. That is one of the most effective sigs I have ever read. You can fly, Jamie!
Jamie, Jen's right. Stay away from the scale until you're ready to face it.
And get exercising again, sweetie! Throw off the security blanket! If you want an excuse, then think of your health. Your heart doesn't need to be carrying around that extra 50 pounds. You're a lovely, good, strong woman, and you can't be YOURSELF until you've cast off that blanket of fat.
Hang in there... you can do it!
Jamie I agree with Jennifer and Ellis. Don't let the scale be your focus. There are other ways to see how you have done- like looser clothing, how you feel healthwise etc.
It is can be hard to let go of the weight if you have been using it as a wall against your fears. You should be proud of yourself for losing that first 30 lbs. That was not an easy feat and it was a great accomplishment!
Something that may help you is to go out and do things for yourself, try something new, develop some new interests or hobbies to help you work on yourself as a person and gain more confidence.
Jamie,
It is okay to be afraid of onderland, be happy that you are so in touch with how your feeling....if you have used food in the past to self-medicate yourself then you have achieved something greater than what the scale will reflect.......a tool that will lead you to your success.
This is a process, the scale will go up and the scale will go down, you did a post, you asked for help, you ROCK!!!
Jennifer is right, it takes a strong woman--and you are asking for support and help, that shows how committed you are, listen to Mauv, use the other tools to illustrate where you are at.....the scale isn't the alsolute marker of what your doing, this week it may be about your own personal emotional transformation/liberation....I think you had a fab week no matter what the scale says.....what your learning is more important for your lifelong success than shedding a few pounds.
Bravo!!!! (I would put one of those cute avatars here but Idon't know how to do it when replying to a thread!) so BRAVO!!! and listen to these wonderful women who all have shared wonderful acknolwedgement here....Bravo to everyone!!!
Hey, Jamie - how did your day go? Did you find the strength you needed from these wonderful ladies?
I wanted to tell you - as someone with a lot of weight to lose and who's at the beginning of their fitness journey - I'm so proud of you and what you've accomplished already! You are doing a wonderful thing for your body and your future, and your body will reward you.
I grew up overseas, where well-endowed women are prized as sex objects, young girls have to endure strange men walking up to their fathers and attempting to barter for them (this really happened to me - many times!), etc. I had big boobs by the time I was 11; 34C. They just STUCK OUT THERE!!! And the stares and comments....
I believe now that I gained my weight (well, besides the fact that I LOVE food) to "fill in" the rest of my body to match my breasts. And it worked. I don't get stares any more. At 225 lbs, I've succeeded in demolishing my image as a sex object and no longer endure unwanted attention from men. I'm so happy! Uh, just kidding.
Anyway, in short (?!), I know what you mean about weight being a safety blanket. I don't know how I'll conquer it, but I know for certain that women in our predicament do. You are amazingly healthy, and you WILL do it!
I can't add much that hasn't already been said, other then listen to these wonderful woman!
Jamie, congrats on your loss so far! You are doing amazing! Clothes are a much better judge then a scale.
I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement and support. I never thought I would of gotten the response that I did, you don't know how thankful I am right now. I did get on the scale this morning and seemed to have been able to at least maintain, I will take heed to the suggestion regarding tossing the scale and just monitoring the way my clothes fit. I guess I underestimated what an emotional journey this was going to be. But, thank you all a hundred times over for the advice and support. I am so lucky to have found you all, what an inspiration and wonderful example you are to me.
A little help, please
Keep working on it. You ARE strong. 
