Thank you, Lidian dear.

Mom took Dad into the hospital yesterday, and they were short on beds, and asked if he'd mind going back home for the night. So she's driving him in AGAIN this morning, and will find out what time his surgery is slated for today.
I was fine saying "goodbye" to him yesterday until I started driving away from the house. Looking at him standing there, I couldn't help but think, "I may never see you again!" And started bawling my eyes out.
I'm NOT looking forward to waiting for the surgeon to emerge from the op room today. That sick feeling in the stomach...

We're all with you in spirit, ellis.

Well, the day is not off to a good start.

I woke up this morning with a stomach ache, a feeling of dread and then I sat on the couch for 10 minutes crying. I feel like I just can't face going in to work today. I hate my job, I hate my boss and I feel constantly upset and stressed out. I have tried to calm down, yoga, meditation and other anti-stress techniques but they don't seem to be working.

To add to my stress and feelings of depression are the frustration I am experiencing at not being able to get another job - I feel trapped where I am- and I can't afford to quit and live on DH's salary alone.

DH is trying to be supportive but I don't think he understands how depressed I am lately - I can't seem to put it in to words for him.

I hate to vent first thing on Monday morning but thanks for listening everyone.

Aw, Mauvais. Just stay home today! The federal employees are off to conserve energy and lawyers are certainly non-essential! Just phone in sick.
I"ll do it for you:
"This is Mauvais. I don't want to see you *******s today!"
That should do it!

While a grand idea, probably not the best approach Ruth.

And lots of hugs to you Mauvais. Keep looking for a job, and don't give up. You can do it! And I always believe, if it makes you feel better, have a 10 minute cry. It is very hard to explain to someone how you feel and what is going on inside your head. I had that conversation last night.

lots of hugs

Mauvais-I am sorry that you are having such a rough time sweetie. It is AWFUL feeling stuck in a job that you can't stand. DH and I (particularly DH)
have been there. There just aren't many jobs out there right now. Do you like WHAT you are doing, or do you want to change your field as well as your job?
Ruth is right about calling in too. Mental health days can be GREAT for keeping you going. DH says, "In my NEW job, I use grammatical examples that include 'my former supervisor, who should roast slowly over two flaming logs.'" He has also written poems to get back at some of the jerks. Voodoo dolls also help release a lot of steam.

Ruth-I think we should place you in charge of calling in for ALL of us!!!

Squeak-Sounds like you are having a rough time too. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better for all of you.....

Thanks chicks!

I ended up making the lunches and eating some cereal then I was taking my shower and just started bawling again. DH told me not to go to work so I called in and left a message " Hi, it's me , I won't be in today." click...no explanation- nothing....how cryptic...

I went back to bed for a couple of hours. Then I called my best friend who has gone through this before and we chatted for a bit - she told me call my doctor for an appointment asap to let her know what was going on and that she would probably be able to help or refer me to someone.

I think I had an anxiety attack of some sorts brought on by the ongoing stress from my job. But I can't call in sick everytime I feel like this and I can't afford to just up and quit

I have an appointment at 3 p.m. today so we'll see what happens and then go from there.

Wow! That's a quick appointment, Mauvais. Stress can make you sick. Let's hope he/she can give you a magic potion.
I hope you feel more able to cope really soon.
(Would Dim Sum help?)

When doesn't dim sum help?

My heart goes out to you babe. I was in a similar situation and when it came to a head, I quit and had a nervous breakdown. Luckily, I was not the bread winner so I could. Big hugs.

Thanks Ruthxxx and Jessica!

I saw the doctor and talking to her helped. I told her everything that was going on at work and she was very sympathetic and very helpful. From our conversation she has concluded that it is the stress from work as everything else in my life is going well otherwise. She also gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant which I will be taking for the next little while- I have to go back and see her in two weeks- and we will see what the next step is then.

I think a dim sum feast would help a lot too

Can we have shrimp toast? I'm glad she gave you something to help you over these slivers on the bannister of Life. You are strong and tough and beautiful and will be just fine in a while.

Shrimp toast for everyone!

Thanks for the kind words Ruth!

Mauvais, you did the right thing calling in and seeing your doctor! To **** with 'em! (at least for today)

Do you have any vacation time available? Sounds like it would do you a lot of good to have some personal time away from work. I know it's made a world of difference for me, being off for two weeks. I actually didn't freak out when things came crashing down today, even after 12 hours of being there.

Just a word of warning... many anti-depressants can make you feel like a zombie until your body adapts....it can take up to six weeks, but if you can hang in there, they work! I imagine you're on a low dose, so you might escape the drowsies.

Just remember, we love you and we're willing to take your creepy boss out back in the parking lot and give him what for.

Mauvais - Glad everything went well with the Dr.
Wildfire is right about the time off if you have it.

Thanks Den.

Sorry to hear about your rough time Mauvis. glad you got to the Dr. I also would like to think of this as a time of empowerment for you. When I finally got sick of being used, doing everyone elses work, and done with being underappreciated my resume went everywhere and now I have a job with a company I love. (Don't tell them!). But it took getting to the end of the rope to get there.

Nice sidebar to this story is after all that time of feeling like I meant nothing the day I left my desk was covered in cards and flowers and even tickets to the movies.

Miss Chris