Think about it for a minute... what's stopping you from being the weight you want to be? What's stopping you from attaining your goals? If you've lost some weight, but you've been "stuck" somewhere for awhile, why? If you keep trying & not succeeding, why? It's easy to say, "I'm an emotional eater" - but that's not really why you do it... I'm asking, "Why are you an emotional eater?"
I thought about this a lot over the weekend & trying to find the "bottom line" is helping me stick to my goals. I don't believe we can be successful at something unless we recognize & understand the obstacles in our way (it took 3 years of therapy to convince me of this, lol).
I really want to hear from everyone - not trying to take over Rochemist's spot as the board-cheerleader (hehe) but I find strength in knowing that I'm not alone! And who knows? Maybe we can help each other get over some of this junk blocking our progress?!
What stops me or stopped me in the past...
Lack of self-confidence. I've never believed that I could do it. I tried & failed so many times that I stopped trusting myself - which of course, makes it even harder. I'm starting to believe now.
Believing that when I didn't succeed, I was a failure. What I'm learning now that every attempt was a success, because I tried and I continue to try.
Emotional eating... because I've never been much of a "talker" - when feelings/issues came up, my way of dealing was to try & forget about them. One tactic that worked was to binge... I put so much energy into hating myself because of the binges, I wouldn't have any energy left to tackle the real issues. BTW, the strategy isn't really working for me anymore, lol.
Last, but not least, a feeling of general hopelessness. I've gone through years of clinical depression (which I have learned to manage without drugs - woohoo!) - and the "lack of willpower" was really a "lack of energy & hope". When you don't really care about living or dying, it's hard to get motivated about your health.
I lost a 100+ lbs before and I gained it back. Plus the truth is being thin didn't make things more fabulous than before. In fact in some ways it complicated things. More men were looking at me, and my husbands insecurity came on full force. I have alot of fear about reaching my goal. Fear that it will come back, fear that I am not good enough, fear that my husband will freak out again.
So mostly I have to keep asking myself why do I have a weightloss goal? Some of it is pure vanity, I know how fabulously gorgeous I am you just can't see it though all this fat. But more than that I am way more productive. With excercise my energy has increased, it helps stabilize my moods. It heightens my senses and makes the world seem more real.
I think being on Prozac is helping too. Since I have been on I have binged but no late night standing in front of the fridge with fear as my friend eating straight out of it. Plus I feel less desperate, less like this is impossible.
I have to do this for me,my old ally's low grade depression and fear that want me wrap myself up in my own fat to hide from the world, well I am going to kick their butt. I don't care how long it takes me.
Will keep trying because I CAN and I WILL do this.
Your perpetual cheerleader,
Miss Chris
I should think about this some before I post but I know one thing that is stopping me. I am so not living in the present. I am always planning on tomorrow. I am waiting on someone or something always. It drives me nuts. 3 days ago I took off my watch. I have been a 24-7 watch wearing for over 20 years. It completely amazes me how freaking often I look at my wrist. I have no where to go, nothing to do realy. I wait on my kids, my fiance, my tax refund, the mailman, a day off, the weather to change. I have got to stop thinking that tomroow will be any better. Do it today!!! Don't look out the window all the time waiting for something to happen. Enjoy right now.
I suppose I can always eat right now. That filled that immidate gradification. I am so impatient. I have so much going on in my head. I just want it all now. It drives me nuts that some people have no modivation at all. They are content to just sit around all day and watch the clouds. I know there must be a 1/2 way medium. I don't want to be compulsive, yet I do not want to be a sloth either.
Hey I'm with you flower...as with everything in my life...I always think well there's tomorrow and this will be the last time and I'll start over. What I've ended up with is about 12,677,987 tomorrows and just as many last times. I think part of my problem is BLACK AND WHITE thinking. If I don't achieve whatever goal I've set for myself, I give up totally, thereby proving to myself I am a failure. This time around I will be gentle with myself and if I don't do everything perfect...I'm just going remind myself I am human.
blessings,
blackbird
my biggest problem was denial. I would avoid any situation where my weight would come up. Never had photos taken, avoided the Dr. and the dreaded scale. I was classic...too much jewelry and big hair to compensate for my big ***. Swimming? HA! havent bought a suit in 20 years, and excercise...my fibromyaliga prevents that...food choices, (this is where the denial really kicks in) I don't eat THAT much...and never after I go to bed and never just sitting in front of the fridge...aparently all this weight just magically appeared.
What really, really got me was when my hubby stated that he couldn't buy me any presents for christmas because I forbid him buying me clothes and I had 'enough jewelry' (like there is such a thing) so he bought me food...I had become the person you bring food to because I was interested in nothing else. Granted, it was really good food...but I did not want to have that as my only preceived interest.
I am an emotional eater with no willpower at times, and then other times I will go full tilt twords my weight loss goal and then crash and burn when things don't go my way. I never stop dieting, it just sorta fades away till one night I am up to my earlobes in chips and dip. I honestly do not know how I got to the place I am...but I don't like it here and want to go somewhere else. A new beginning every day.
So, the journey, which you all are taking with me will be long and hard. And while I aparently just woke up at 275, I am today 253 and loosing. We all know the why's and hows, its just a matter of doing it, for us, for our family, and for each other.
I seem to do okay for awhile and then get sidetracked or distracted by other things going on in my life. I need to focus more on doing things for myself instead of always doing things for others. I want to get in shape and get healthy for me.
I have also been stressed out for most of the last year - it is mostly job related which I am trying to take care of and make a career change.
This is a really good topic for a thread...I have been thinking about why I am stuck:
It is winter, and cold and depressing, and I have a big parka on outside and don't like wearing cute bellbottoms in the slushy snow - lack of fashion incentive!
And like Mauvais I get distracted - other stuff comes up and it is SO hard to stay focused...and then there is stress, some weeks are just so stressful and if anything sweet is around, I'm on it!
And also the boredom of salad upon salad - I need to think of some new things to eat! I mean, new things that are GOOD for me!
I have never been as fat as I had gotton myself to be and what got me STUCK there for a few years was a crappy marriage and really unrestrained behavior such as drinking lots and snacking along with it. After I left my husband I was still goofing off because there was no one to watch me do it so I was like a kid who was sneaking around. But it catches up with you. One day I was too tight in my size 12 and I had never bought a 14 and I will not so I said I better do something. And I was convinced all my drinking was going to rot my liver and pickle my kidneys eventually (figuratively). So I got a grip.
Nothing really side tracks me now cause I'm setting goals and being more focused. If I go a bit off plan I make up for it the next day. I'm sort of obsessed now. I fell like I'm moving to a new place for me. I like my future and feel younger and healthier. I have to also say it feels really good to not be hung over in the morning too.
Here's another thing that has stopped me up until about a year ago, and it is a big one for me...
Hard to describe but here goes: I have always wanted to be like naturally thin people, and that included not worrying about what I was eating...which sort of translates into not counting calories, eating whatever - all in the name of being like "normal" people. I would do this when I was heavier and also when I was thin, which caused me to put weight back on. I mean - when I was 25 I weighed 127, and thought oh goody, now I am like everyone else..and consequently got to the 130s, 140s and after a 2nd pregnancy up to 180...
What I now know is - I am going to have to think about what I eat forever - not that I will never have treats or a meal where I eat what I like...but that it is going to take more work FOR ME than maybe for other people who never gained a pound in their lives. And it has been very hard for me to accept that I have to work this hard (this much thinking about what I eat, and exercising) - it feels kind of unfair sometimes but I have only lost the weight and been keeping it off for awhile now - because d*** it I have to accept that this is how I have to live, in order to stay at a certain weight (and hopefully go down some more too).
Sorry to blather on but I appreciate being able to articulate this to myself, too.
I agree completely. Sometimes I also find myself thinking I'll start eating right "next week" because I want french fries, cheesecake or whatever, and once I "start" I'll never be able to eat those things again. I KNOW this is counter productive, but it is hard to break some of those old habits!!!
I totally agree with you on that Den but you know it does change.
The other day DH and I were in the grocery store and he was pushing the cart a few feet ahead of me in the bakery aisle. I noticed that he drove right by the junky pastry display (ie: Twinkies, Ding dongs, Joe Louis, Half moons etc.) and didn't even slow down. He used to make me buy that stuff for his lunches all the time and then I would end up eating some while watching tv because they were there it was so hard.
It made me stop and think about how much our eating habits have changed over the last 3 years and that we eat a lot healthier now. I guess I'm just used to not having the stuff around anymore so I don't crave it (except buttertarts of course -my last nemesis )
Unfortunately MY DH is willing to give it up (for me....for a while), but then HE loses weight, and at just over 6 feet and 156 pounds he can't afford to lose weight!!! I try to get him to buy stuff I don't like!! (Once I even said, "You can be thin and have a bad cholestrol level......get it checked"......IT IS LOW [despite Ben and Jerry pint snacks!!!]) I'm glad he is healthy, but I wish I had the same "problem!!!"
Yes Den, I hear you! My DH cannot afford to lose any weight either and when he wants cookies or something I try to get stuff he likes and I don't...only thing is, there aren't too many cookies I don't like! So I try to put them in a tin and then forget about them. Sometimes if I can't see the darn things (or a colourful box with their picture on it!) I am OK.
That works for me sometimes too. Used to be that they would still "call to me" from inside the tin, but lately I have actually FORGOTTEN that we have had goodies in the house!!! (MAJOR breakthrough!!!)
What's stopping you?
it was so hard.
)
