I'm back after a long time away.
I've been struggling with self-discipline a lot, lately. The problems I'm having in my life now share a source with my weight problems -- they're rooted in weak self-discipline and motivation in all things physical. I overeat when I'm emotional or stressed; this is my way of avoiding my body. I skip exercise when I'm emotional or stressed; again, this is my way of avoiding my body. I try to retreat from my body when I'm stressed or depressed: baggy clothes, sleeping too much, hair tied back, less makeup, eating stuff that makes me comfortably sleepy so that I can tune out the world. Even though exercise and healthy eating make me feel better, I tend to self-sabotage when I'm stressed or sad.
Anyway, lately, I've been trying not to avoid my body. I'm in a much more emotionally and psychologically healthy place than I was a couple of years ago, but many of the same bad habits are lingering. I'm afraid that the little progress I've made on my mental outlook will be destroyed by these bad habits again. I want to make some forward progress. So, I'm happier than I was, but still struggling with my body issues.
I am not my body. BUT...I am in a body and I have control (to some extent) over what that body looks like, as well as what happens to it. I need to acknowledge that.
My reasons for wanting to lose weight are different, now. I'm not trying to please anyone else or look good for anyone else; instead, I just think that I'd like being about 20-23 pounds less than I am right now (which is 188). I'd feel more comfortable in a bathing suit in a smaller size. I'd feel more confident in certain dresses in a smaller size. I think I'd have more energy for stuff I want to try if I were carrying less excess. I like myself at about 165; of course, I would prefer to be 150, but I don't think that's an attainable goal right now because it will require more time and effort than I can currently spare. So, for now, I'm aiming for 165.
11/10 (194). 6/11 (188). 7/11 (178). 11/11 (165). 1/12 (174). 3/12 (175). 4/12 (172). 5/12 (178). Now: 7/14 I'm 188.
Mini-Goal 1: (-10 pounds = 178) --
Mini Goal 2: (-20 pounds = 168) --
Goal Weight: (-23 pounds = 165) --
Eventual Goal Weight: 150 -- someday