For me it was mostly hitting 244 (my current weight, I'm just getting started on this journey). When I looked at the scale and realized that I would very soon weigh 250 pounds, it became very real how overweight, well actually obese I had become. I couldn't get by just not looking at my full body in the mirror anymore. I took a picture of myself just standing there and saw myself, as I really was. And I couldn't believe it. And I realized I had to change what I had become. That the few seconds of supposed joy I feel when eating this or drinking that are not worth looking or feeling like this. And the cravings I've felt have at least for the moment gone. I realize they'll pop in from time to time, but I know that I'm in this for the long haul and that I'm done with abusing my body and myself this way. I know I'm going to slip up and I know some days I'll struggle. But I will not give up.
Realizing that the person in those pictures my doucheface friends like to tag all the time on Facebook was me. FAT!!!!
^^This. The last pics that have been posted of me look good cause I'm thinner a little and can wear great makeup now, but I still won't turn off privacy cause you can see all my old ugly fat photos. No more of that ****!
I also have had more than one last straw. I have had several that all of you had mentioned about but one of the big ones that hit home was the fact that it looks like I have back boobs. I am also tired of finding the cute outfit that you love and adore and it doesn't come in your size or if it does it costs extra. I didn't recognize myself in the photos since I never saw myself as "that big" and then looking down to see a fat shadow. NEVER AGAIN.
going shopping with the non fat friends. and they complain that theyre fat. and nothing fits them. and blah blah. one of my friends is only 130-135 and complains alllllll the time about being fat.
im on colorguard at my university. which involves lycra uniforms. we just bought new ones and i helped pick them out so they are flubb friendly but they are still sleeveles on one side. which brings on the thing i hate most about myself. the elbow fat overhang. when i first realized how fat my upper arms were i cried. i have back fat. i cant find a bra that can hide or hold it on. shirts and cute tops look ok from the front, its just those extra rolls in the back.
and the biggest thing, that just happened today actually, was seeing a picture of the girl my ex boyfriends (who i am still completley in love with) is sleeping with and seeing how much of a size difference we are. im still crying. (that and like i saidim still in love with him. thats a whole nother story )
being completley depressed and bored outta my mind i had two options. sit around and be miserable and sleep all day (which i had been doing) or get up and do something about it. walking is a start. i zumba too but i get so winded and have side cramps but im determined to get through a class nonstop)
that and i used to be a 12/14 in AE and could get my jeans in the store. now i have to order an 18 offline b/c they dont carry anything bigger than a 14 in my area stores.and now the 18s are getting tight....
The Facebook thing, a little different than everyone else's... there are NO photos of me on FB as fat, because I don't let anyone take photos these days. But seeing how I looked as a slender person for years and years made me realize how ashamed I am of the weight gain. I looked great, and I'd like to look that way again.
My boyfriend left a few months ago. It wasn't because of my weight but because of deep, intrinsic philosophical differences between us that could not be overcome. Though we had discussed these differences at length during our courtship and he had assured me they would not present a problem for him, it seems he was wrong. I miss him very much. I'm trying to move on, and it occurred to me that the ONLY thing holding me back was my weight. And I thought, WHY am I not doing something about the one thing that keeps me from taking on life as I once did? I realized that my weight was a consideration in nearly everything I did -- or didn't do. That really was the last straw.
Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
The fact that it's my last year of University here in Lancaster, and I'm constantly de-tagging myself on Facebook and refusing to have pictures taken with the friends that I'm going to miss so badly because I can't bare to look at pictures of myself. I don't think I'm even going to be able to bring myself to get a photo taken at graduation.
My moment was during a night out with friends. It was Christmas time, and I was wasted drunk. Because of a snow storm ( 2 cm England style) no cabs were operating. We had to walk back to our place. It was a 2 hour walk. I was so exhausted from it. I could barely breathe and I was walking. I'm a freaking Uni student, I'm too old to not be able to walk. All my friends were able to walk properly and didn't need breaks. I felt that burning feeling at my sides from simply walking. It was mortifying. I just knew this was no way to live. I couldn't operate like this anymore.
I don't think I had a single moment. My weight has always been a problem. In fact everything in my life is ace right now except for that and it has been that way for awhile. I am college educated, a homeowner, married to the woman of my dreams and the only thing that isn't awesome is my weight.
This year I had two uncles who are both diabetics go on dialysis. And I started working as an RN in a dialysis center and it was really eye opening and I finally made the connection between poor self-care, morbid obesity, diabetes, and kidney failure. I do not want to be in that situation. Ever.
So this time it is motivated by health and not vanity and maybe that is the difference.
It really is in the little things. Like the fact that I have to extend my jeans waistband with an elastic because some little sadist fashionista jean maker decided to build a size 16 like it's a 13...grr.
Or that I'm 16 with high blood pressure and walking up a flight of stairs is harder than it should be.
Or that I too discovered that I have side boobs!
Or that I've got numerous stretch marks on my belly that literally appeared overnight..not kidding.
Or that, most importantly, I need to get healthy now instead of later, before I get older and it becomes tons harder.
For me, it was seeing everybody else enjoying life when all I could do was dream of being somebody completely different than myself. I'm not the type of obese person who just became obese through time. I literally was always obese. I never experience anything a normal girl experience. I have an imaginary 'perfect' version of myself that I always dream about. I'm so sick of dreaming... I want to live!
And than seeing my brother (who I really don't like due to something completely off-topic) losing 40lbs and being thinner than I am and my cousin (who I also don't like) being thin himself... I just couldn't take it anymore.
I also realized that I have type 2 diabetes. I've been diabetic for a loooonng time... Probably before I was in 2nd grade (I was obese then too). I just didn't realize it because I was too busy dreaming! Because of my obesity, I have a lot of ugly side effects. One of them is acanthosis nigrican.
"I believe in you. I believe in your authenticity, your uniqueness, your intensity, your wildness. I love your restlessness and your hunger. You possess the energy that, if unleashed, could transform, inspire and heal the world." - Eve Ensler
Last edited by Nebuchadnezzar : 07-05-2011 at 08:49 AM.
1. My parents treat my meth-addict sister better than me because they can't see what she is smoking or injecting but they see me stuffing food in my mouth. They compare me to her because she's thin - of course she's thin.. she's been on crack/meth and whatever drugs for over 20 years. Being called to my parent's room to just hear them say... " hello whale".
It seems like an issue for younger people but I have to deal with it at 38 years old.
2. Hard to admit but I have isolated myself from all my friends, except online ones because they can't see me. My best friend since kindergarten was always fat like me... but she could afford bariatric surgery. In a few months she lost over 100lbs and did the skin surgery. Life really did change for her. She was so happy. She was still the same friend to be but I chose to stay away. I lost my security blanket. It was fine if we were both fat but I could not bear the thought of being the only fat one in our peer group.
3. When I felt that fatness had taken over my life and living within these walls of my condominium hiding from everyone because I feel like I am being judged is not how I was meant to live my life. I always masked the pain of being insecure by being materialistic : I always had the new phone/tech stuff... always had the new designer bag... always wore expensive watches and jewelry but... it doesn't mean anything really when I don't feel comfortable with myself, when I start hating myself for what I have become.
4. I met and fell in love with a man who accepts me for who I am. Who sees me with his heart and not just his eyes. We want to get married and have a family. There is nothing I want more than to have a child with him.
I need to be healthy for that. I can't get pregnant because my obesity has caused me to have hormonal imbalance. I am currently under medication for it but my doctor says... lose weight then we can talk about pregnancy.
Last edited by iamworthit : 07-05-2011 at 08:28 PM.