You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You know that the Dicky-Dee vendors take Canadian Tire money.
You have a firearm that's been in the family for at least one generation and name it after the person who originally owned it -- "Fetch me Grampa's gun, I'm going hunting, eh."
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
You are moved to tears by those Bell Canada phone commercials they show around Remembrance Day, where the grandson calls his grandad from Dieppe. You understand the manipulative nature of the advertisement, but continue to be moved, nonetheless.
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You own a pot-bellied stove. (Extra points if it's "been in the family" for a while.)
You know what it means to be on pogey.
You know what a two-four of Blue is.
You know what screech and alcool is.
You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars
and no Americans.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he/she has.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know Toronto is not a province.
You know that Ottawa and not Toronto is the capital of Canada.
You're pretty sure you can see Alex Trebek smirking when Jeopardy contestants get the "Canada questions" wrong. Even if you weren't sure of the answer yourself, you consider yourself a hundred times smarter than the idiots who always guess, "What is .. uh, Toronto?"
You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
You know that Mounties don't always look like that.
You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.
You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.
You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.
You think Peter Kent is sexy.
You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if they edited out your carefully prepared rant against the Harris government.
You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.
You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada, and you make a mental note to mention it at work tomorrow.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You know what a tuque is.
You know what Timbits, Nanaimo bars, Pogos, Sugar Pie, and Beavertails are.
You know who Doug and Bob are.
You've bought wine at a dépanneur.
You played shinny hockey as a kid.
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
You participated in "Participaction". (bonus points if you still have the pin)
You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two: an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives in a bag on the wall.
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
You've got some rocks and you've got to leave an important message -- Lucky you know how to build an Innukshuk!
You find it difficult to explain "milk in a bag" to non-Canadians, and even more difficult to describe the "snippy-thing" used on bag corners. (Bonus points if your collected snippy-things are stuck to your fridge.)
Your local zoo is mainly flamingoes, giraffes and sad elephants freezing their asses off against a backdrop of pine trees, grey skies, and Precambrian shield formations.
You live in a "beach town" and have to eat your brothers and sisters to stay alive during the winter months.
You're proud that Captain Kirk came from Montreal.
You wished that Relic's boat would get crushed to bits by one of those logs.
You've frozen your tongue to something metal and lived to tell about it.
You talk about the weather with friends and strangers alike.
You know what to do with all parts of a buffalo.
Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
You have a Prime Minister who isn't fluent in either of the official languages.
Your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill connected to a block heater. (bonus points if you have a set of booster cables in your trunk)
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
You automatically read 'Z' as 'Zed' and don't give a damn that it doesn't rhyme with "now I know my abcs".
You carry empty beer cans from your camping trips home with you in your backpack so you can recycle them when you reach civilization.
You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner means "add more milk" (preferably homo).
You steal stationery from your Government of Canada co-operative education placement because you figure you can find lots of uses for paper with 'Human Resources Development Canada/Développement des Ressources Humaines Canada' written at the top.
You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films. You scream, "For Christsake! That should be sticking to their pants!" and "Lookit, it's not melting! That's *so* not snow!" when watching 'Winter' scenes.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are reading every line of this list instead of merely scanning over it.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.
When abroad, you have a cold fear that somebody might mistake you for an American. You make a point of deliberately being kind to locals just to make it clear you are a Canadian, and you wear a maple leaf pin.
You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
You never miss "Coaches Corner".
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -40C a little chilly.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Road Construction.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.. .
You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada"
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change (You are already wearing your pants halfway down your *** and the hair and three layers of skin is worn off the front of your thighs from carrying your pocket money around.) The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
You found any of this funny.
ROFLOLPIMP!
Now we wait for questions from our non-Canadian friends.
(Hey, I double dated with Rich Little and baby sat Paul Anka and cried when Friendly went off the air. Did he die? His was the favourite show for the guys in the gay bars of NYC, so I hear.)
Yes, he died. sob. (why the **** do think the show went off the air? Didja think they cancelled him? COME ON!!! He's a Canadian Classic, for cryin' out loud!)
Your favorite movies are "Slapshot" and "Canadian Bacon"
You believe that we are secretly taking over the U.S. through our careful placement of spies in the American entertainment industry
ie: Alanis Morisette, Michael J. Fox, Dan Ackroyd, John Candy, Pamela Anderson, etc., etc.
You laugh at the waiter in a Thai restaurant in the U.S. when you order a Thai beer and he warns you that it is really strong.
You know what the phrase "double double" means.
You turn up your nose at the offer of a "light" beer.
You know there are two seasons in Canada: Winter and Patio season.
You have two sets of outdoor winter clothing; one for +5c to -15c degree weather, the other for -15c to -50c degree weather.
You think that hot chocolate and a cinnamon sugar beavertail make a balanced breakfast.
You know that "flocon de mais" is not a french swear word but simply a breakfast cereal.
You can skate to work on the canal in winter.
You never take down the outdoor Christmas lights on your house. You just switch them off in April and switch them back on on November 1st.
Last edited by mauvaisroux; 12-04-2002 at 10:48 PM.
>>>You turn up your nose at the offer of a "light" beer.
I just knew there was a Canadian trapped inside me somewhere! (Now girls, get your MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTERS!)
I never, ever liked beer until I tried Widmer Hefeweizen about 15 years ago. Now the lightest I'll drink is an Amber Ale, but my favorite is either a Porter or a Stout. Delicious, eh?
Knew there had to be some more out there, Mauvais.
Kat, no slight was intended towards our darling America friends and neighbours. We love all of you.
Lois... I had a terrible dream last night. You were trying to pay for your ice cream with Canadian Tire money, and the little Dickie Dee man was refusing it.
Ellis-I've been through this one with you before. Detroit is a strange place, because a number of the references ring true. Grew up watching "The Friendly Giant" and my kids watched "Mr. Dress-up." We call it "pop" too!! I thought everyone did EXCEPT those out east until I went through Ohio this last summer and tried to order some. They looked at me like I was nuts!!!
A 2-4 of Blue is a case of Labatt's, right? We usually buy Labatt's because it is BETTER and actually cheaper than most of the crudy US brands. (And we can't afford European or microbrew!!)
Mauvais-I've been trying to get Ellis to see "Canadian Bacon"!! Go to her house, kick her butt, and make her see it!! It is WONDERFUL!!!! (Michael Moore is from Flint, MI.) (I liked Slapshot too!!)
I stunned DH as he was channel surfing and landed on the opening scene where one of the players is getting interviewed by a tv host who looked like Monty Hall-I looked up from my book and said "hey isn't that Slapshot?" without seeing the title or the credits! I am a bit of a tomboy at heart and love "guy" movies but I dare any of his friends to be that quick on the draw
BTW-yes I watched Slapshot again for the 15th time
Yeah, Michael is from Flint, LOL! I still haven't seen Canadian Bacon, but we Michiganders can relate to some of that stuff. Like Bob and Doug, and the tuque, and Actually I read on a Faygo site that the term pop was coined in Michigan by the Feigen Brothers (makers of Faygo) because of the sound the top made when it came off. We like Pike here too, we also refer to it as homo milk, I used to have a plug on and an engine block heater on my car, and I always have booster cables incase it gets too chilly, and the damned battery gives out. In the UP everyone says eh after every other frickin' word, and we use Canadian coins here and are shocked when we go to Ohio and they won't accept it becuase it's foreign currency.
Okay, let's get this straight. Bob and Doug are NOT Canadian. They are a pair of aliens that were dropped into our country several years ago in an attempt to infiltrate our culture.
I love all of this Canadian talk. I actually understood most of those lists. I live close enough, and actually had one band I went to see in Rochester say "We will be back in Canada tomorrow. We will be in Buffalo."
I am still convinced that Canada has come up with some of the best food ever. Tims being my favorite. Dutchies.....yummmm.... And coffee crisp. and caramilks.
I used to watch Mr. Dress Up and Canadian Seseame Street where you learn french instead of spanish. Red Green is pretty amusing too.
~flower
but I dare any of his friends to be that quick on the draw 
