I love you women!! Thanks for the encouragement. I feel stupid even bringing it up, because it is no big deal, but dealing with some of my in-laws' fat biases sometimes is very painful. But no big deal compared to what some of you are dealing with!!!

Ellis-I don't know that it is even worth venting about. Just stupid stuff that USUALLY I let slide off me!!!

Christina-Glad to see you back!! We've been thinking of you and WORRYING about you, so it is good to hear from you!!!!

Wanttolosealot-How about this one....after searching for my glasses for 15 minutes omce I realized I was WEARING them!!!!!

Den, don't feel stupid bringing it up. It's a big deal to YOU, and we love you, so it's a big deal to US.
xoxo

Christina! I knew you were back and finally found your post. What a great attitude you have! Now nurture yourself and get well fast. Healthy eating is more imnportant than any damned diet!

Hey Ruthxxx-hope your operation goes well tomorrow!

Dentrassi-vent away! That is what we are here for

Christina-hope you are doing okay-take good care of yourself.

I am feeling better, a lot of the pain has gone away and it is reduced to one small area. I can wear a bra again without it bothering me. I have to go back for a check up in 3 weeks.

Mauvais - I am glad you are feeling better.

Den - Vent all you want, even if you think it's stupid. It will still make you feel better. (and I have done the same thing with my glasses )

Chris - I am glad you were feeling better. Come back and let us know if you still are

Yesterday I had my first appointment with my ob/gyn regarding infertility problems. For some reason I thought everything would be fine, and then I found myself crying while waiting in the exam room. We actually didn't do any tests but talked about the options. I should have had my husband come with me, but I really thought it would be brief and no problem. How dumb is that? I guess I was in some sort of denial... not facing up to the reality of the situation. So now I have to go in on Thursday and have all sorts of lab work done... they will check me for polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis. Then next month they will do some sort of horrible sounding test where they shoot dye into my ovaries and tubes to see if they are open. Then they will also do an ultrasound to see if there are any ovarian cysts, etc. Lovely. I REALLY am dreading this all. I have been pretty depressed the last couple of days. I was so down on Monday, but never once connected it to the appointment.

Sojo, sweetie... I'm sorry you're depressed. You need to start on some positive thinking. Right now you're focusing on all the bad stuff, when you've actually so much going RIGHT for you!
I know how important this is to you, but let it take its own course. Worrying and stressing about it is only going to backfire on you. Address the worst, and then look towards the postive.
hugs and prayers... ellis

Dito for me Sojo, listen to Ellis, she is a pretty smart chick. I too will be thinking and praying for you sweetie. Take care
Virginia

Sojo- sending and a virtual your way!
I hope things go well with your tests.

Ok folks... I am having some sort of emotional meltdown this last week and a half. I am not even going to get on that scale because it can't be good news. I am depressed, eating too much, not exercising, and basically hating life. There have been way too many major stressful things going on for way too long. I absolutely don't know what I am going to do. If I can just drag my butt back to exercising I will probably feel better... but its the last thing I want to do.

Serenity NOW!!

Oh Sojo,

I'm sorry about all of this.

There's not really anything I can do but I can tell you I've btdt. I went through secondary fertility stuff and about gave up. I had the procedure where they shoot the dye into your fallopian tubes and xray you (they wanted to check for blockages because I had an ectopic pregnancy). I won't lie, it sucked. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever been through but it was really uncomfortable, etc. They inflate a "balloon" in there and do other freaky things. I remember asking the technician guy if I could have a RED balloon and he just didn't get that minor attempt at levity. Then I drove myself back to work for the rest of the day (don't do that). My dh never even asked me how it went, either. Boy, that day sucked......now I'm getting depressed, too.....Oh, wait! There is good news: after that test came back ok, they sent me for a diagnostic pelvic ultrasound and that's how I got my dd. A total coincidence.

Hang in there, it gets better.

Well, the infertility rumor mill does say that "a lot" of women get pg after the dye test. Somehow I doubt it though... its sort of like the myth that so many women get pg right after they adopt (the reality is about 5% of women who adopt get pg). There are just so many misunderstandings and myths... like that stress causes infertility and that "relaxing" will somehow help you get pg. I am glad to hear that things worked out for you... it is really difficult for people to understand the pain of infertility until they experience it. I am also very sorry to hear that you also had to deal with a tubal pregnancy and the loss and grief that go with that. How long did you ttc for your second child?

We are trying to conceive our first child... so its especially scary thinking we may never be able to have any biological children. What a mess this is... plus it is compounded by all the other things going wrong in my life right now.

On a lighter note and just to clarify... your post made it sound like you got your dd from the doctor or tech who administered the pelvic ultrasound... I haven't been told anything about THAT kind of service!

Well, Sojo, everyone knows somebody who got pg right after adopting or having some test or just plain giving up. I do, too, in fact. But, you're right, the truth is that it's all just one big crap shoot. All I can say is hang there as long as you need to and see it through to whatever point YOU decide.

My post did make it sound like the tech had something to do with my pregnancy. LOL. I WISH I had insurance that good! It's funny, after about a year and half of "ttc" they randomly scheduled that appt and when I got there the tech said, "Oh, look, there's an egg ready to go." I said no way, it was over a week after it was "supposed" to happen. She said, "Go get your dh!" I said, "Why wait? There's gotta be some handsome drs. right here in the hospital!"

Cheers,
Brenna

So as my luck would have it... my lab results came back indicative of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). On the one hand, I am horrified... as many women who have PCOS are never able to have children and have a lot of problems losing weight. On the other hand, they are going to put me on some drugs right away to help control my insulin which in turn should level out my hormones.

Not sure what to feel... just going to go pick up the prescription and see what happens. I was glad to see there is a forum on 3FC for women with PCOS.

Sojo...don't give up hope...medical science is so amazing where fertility is concerned. Not everyone can concieve but there are so many ways to try.

When I wanted to get pregnant I never thought that I would have any problems. Just the stress and difficulty of figuring out how we would get me pregnant as my dp and I both have the same goods...lots of eggies...no spermies! So, we went through all of the trials and tribulations and discussions of what is best when you're doing it in an atypical way and when its not the traditional way there really is no "best way" just the way that is right for you!

We tried with a known donor first and ultimately had to use an anonymous donor as our friend who was trying to donate for us had HIG, human immunoglobulen something or other which meant his swimmers were weighted down by these antibodies and his semen needed to be washed with some stuff to remove the antibodies which killed off some of the bad boys and needless to say...after two intrauterine inseminations with his contribution and two disappointing periods and no pregnancies and no spermies left... we quickly found a sperm bank.

There was also the fact that one of his vials was lost in the bottom of the cryotank when the tech dropped it and couldn't fish it out...you know that liquid nitrogen is some nasty stuff...she couldn't just fish around in there with her hand...a "lost soldier" they referred to it as in the andrology lab...many disappointments and tears and frustrations and tests and tests and tests and getting stuck over and over and switching arms to see which felt less like a pincushion that day and dp learning to give me an injection of progesterone and my realization that my theory...ie, "the only reason I'm not pregnant is obvious...the moment that semen hit this body I'll be with child"...was very incorrect.

After nearly a year of working with the fertility doc I ended up concieving through IUI...intrauterine insemination, with the super sperm from the sperm bank...they gauranteed a certain count and mobility...screened for quality...on Clomid, a medication that stimulates the ovaries and produces more and healthier eggs and with acupuncture fertility treatments...a nice blend of East and West!

Having a diagnosis is a good thing...it helps direct your treatment plan...there are many women with PCOS who do concieve with the help of Glucophage and other drugs so...hang in there doll...it is so hard and painful now, you begin to live life by your menstral cycle and the process can rule your life with running back and forth to the doctor for ultrasounds and bloodwork but don't give up.

I remember that month that I finally felt alittle different...I always felt funky from the progesterone but that day...the day before I was due for my period...I felt...well, different...my boobs were a tiny bit tender...I was due to go to the fertility doc in two days for my blood work.

However, I couldn't wait. It was too soon for a pee test to work so I called my famiy doc and asked her to order a stat pregnancy test...I worked in a hospital then so I just walked over to the lab and had my blood drawn.

Then I waited. Then I called the lab and said, well? The tech sounded very serious and somber...I asked if it was bad news...she said...that depends, do you want to be pregnant or not? I said, I really really really want to be pregnant and she said, then congratulations honey. I still couldn't believe it and made one of the docs that I work with pull up the lab report and print it out on our computer...I kept looking at the result over and over.

It took so many years to get there and it was all the sweeter...I value the gift of being able to parent my daughter so much...it is such a blessing...such a miracle...

Try to have hope Sojo...I know that you need to protect yourself and be realistic and not everyone can concieve and carry a pregnancy but don't be too discouraged either...pray, pray, pray and go to an excellent physician and I'll be praying for you too!!!!!!!!

I want to hear your story when you find out that your blood test is positive or you miss your period and pee on one of those sticks and get a plus sign....yes, everytime your period starts and you aren't pregnant hurts deeply but just remember, it may be only a matter of time before you get the news that you've been dreaming of...hang in there.

Love. Soozie