Holy crap! Some families are awful. My dad pretty much shattered my self esteem. Though he never mentioned my weight or appearance it cause me to ballon up 30 lbs one summer then up and up from there.

After I cut him out of my life I've had no experiences with saboteurs. My husband is awesome and mother is fairly neutral. If we go out somewhere she lets me pick so I can find something to eat. Although sometimes I'll have a starburst or some other piece of candy (from her house) and she'll say "oh you're eating candy?" I'll just tell her yes I had XX for breakfast and XX for lunch and this fits in my daily calories. That's the end of it.

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and experiences. Sometimes we need a reminder of all the good we have in our lives because too often it's just so rough and depressing. It's easy to forget how hurtful people can be.

My grandmother was a lot like this. She used to always try to use her money to get everyone to be "perfect." All my life, she told my sister and I that we were fat and we needed to lose weight. Even though she was definitely not thin herself. She would do the same thing with my mother and her smoking. She nagged the **** out of everyone! (And no, this wasn't even my mom's mom. It was my dad's mom.)

Once, she even put $500 in an envelope, went to my mother, and said "This is yours if you quit smoking." Sad as it is, though, I would have lost 100 pounds for the right price.

Anyway, when I finally lost weight and was down to my lowest adult weight, I went on a cruise with her, and all I heard about was how skinny I was and how I need to eat more and GAIN weight. Also, I heard a lot about how I was a whore because I wore low-cut tops. But that's another story entirely.

Point is: Yeah, people are crazy when it comes to weight loss. I don't necessarily have the issue of people telling me I'm fat and then giving me cakes and candies, but I have the issue of people telling me I'm doing such a good job on my weight loss and then offering me food. My boyfriend is convinced I don't eat enough and when I don't want a slice of cake, he'll have a mild panic-attack over my alleged anorexia. He worries too much.

Anyway, yeah. That's my story.

Yeah, wednesdaymorning, my mom accused me of being anorexic when I weighed like... 180. I weighed 175 in most of high school, and then I gain 35 pounds and lose 30 of them and suddenly I'm anorexic? Note that this is the same woman who was bribing me to lose 30 pounds when I WAS 175. Especially considering how 180 was still 7 pounds overweight according to BMI for me, I'm not sure how that even makes ANY sense. *shakes head* I think people are just illogical sometimes. They get overly concerned about you and start jumping to conclusions without thinking them through first. They don't mind you changing, but only if THEY are the ones who are mandating the change.

My mother and I don't speak anymore, though it's not because of a diet or my weight. XD

My grandmother is only unhappy that I'm not eating her cooking anymore, but since she found out it was because I'm trying to lose weight and not because I dislike it (I do, but she doesn't need to know that...) she's fine.

I've had weight issues since childhood though, even though I wasn't actually even mildly overweight until late high school. My family KNOWS weight is a very touchy (therapy-inducing) issue for me, and so they don't talk about it at all.

i work at a place where its me and 4 other women, and the rest are men...it seems like everyday someone is saying "today is the day" then i walk in and they're like oooh here i brought in this desert try it! i call them the junk food pushers...lol. now that ive gotten on a good track, counting my calories, and excercising, i don''t feel like i can talk to them about it cause theyre all shoving strombolis in their faces and saying "oh youre being such a good girl" in this backhanded way that makes me want to scream. ive learned that you need to stop listening to other people telling you "all you need to do is..." because if all i needed to do was ___ I wouldnt be fat right now. people always have an opinion, and it might work for them but you need to figure out what works for you. tell them i need support, not another voice telling me what to do.

Something like this happened to me recently. An old friend tried to sabotage me and I'm still unsure how to feel about it.

I have always been the sidekick, or the "fat friend". My friends are beautiful and thin and unfortunately, I stick out around them... Not in a good way. When I told everyone about starting my weight loss, everyone was happy and supportive except for one. This person would make the the subject of jokes behind my back and purposely put me into tempting situations. I couldn't understand why they would act that way.

Bob (lets just call them that) privately told another friend the reason. Bob did not want me to lose weight because then I wouldn't be the "sidekick" anymore. She was afraid that if I lost enough weight, I would become more outgoing and people would actually like me. She also said the only thing she has over me was the fact that she is thin and I am overweight. I wish I were making this up. I still don't understand how someone would want another person to stay unhappy... I've always been able to make friends easily but my weight holds me back and stops me most of the time. I'm no longer friends with them, though it still hurts a bit.

Reading through this thread, it makes me sad that there are so many negative people out there. Big hugs to everyone that has ever had to encounter someone like that.

Ugh. People frickin' suck donkey balls. This is what I think, ladies:

1. You don't need a family. And friends are only really friends if they want what's best for you. It's okay to write people out of your life if they're doing you harm. You don't owe them ****. You don't owe anyone a damn thing. Poison people feed off of the harm they do others. It makes them feel good about themselves because they're weak and unwilling to better themselves. They don't want to work for it, so they try to bring you down. And yes. Even if they don't do it to others. You aren't imagining it. You are being targeted because it's easiest to attack the most vulnerable person or the person who loves you so much that they won't fight back. If you're garbage, they look good in comparison. They want you to be garbage.

2. Stop chasing after the love and acceptance of someone that will NEVER love and accept you. Deal with it. Like Thighs Be Gone, my mother is a ****. I tried so hard my whole life to develop a relationship with her but all it ever got me was more rejection. I wrote her off a few years ago. I just couldn't set myself up for any more misery. So I just quit trying. I was hurt for a long time. I felt sorry for myself. I didn't think it was fair that I didn't have a mother. I felt like a little kid - crying because I couldn't understand why mommy didn't love me. But you know what? I got over it! I saw her a few weeks ago at my brother's house. I wasn't there for her and I didn't care that she was there. I was polite, but I didn't say much to her. It felt great. I no longer care what she thinks of me. I wish my brothers would get that. They're all 12-19 years older than me and STILL hoping she will tell them that they are good little boys. It just isn't going to happen. They'll learn in their own time.

3. Doesn't it seem that fat people always have weight loss advice, poor people know what you should do with your money and people without kids know EXACTLY how to raise yours? Why **** are we listening to these people!? Only take advice from someone if you want what they have. Since I figured this out I'm paying attention to the habits of the skinny and happy people I know. I'm seeing real progress for the first time ever.

4. Everyone is different. We are all here in "Alternachicks" because we are somehow outside of the norm. If someone doesn't like your eating habits, exercise routine or other lifestyle choices - they don't have to. But they DO have to let you make your own decisions. Tell them to get bent if they don't like it.

5. Remember that you are the only person you are going to spend every minute of the rest of your life with. To thine own self be true.

I wish you all peace, success and the strength to tell everyone else to go to ****.

Excellent point.

My mom and family are the same way! But I don't think they are intending to be mean. They do make comments about my weight, sometimes nice sometimes not. I cried one christmas because I had lost some weight and everyone had bought me clothes I couldn't have fit in when I was heavier. All extra extra larges that were baggy on me.

Then my mom makes me two trays of cupcakes. She's diabetic and likes to bake but can't eat any of it, so I'm the dumping ground. My grandma makes surprise visits with cases of Mr. Noodle because she thinks I'm starving or something. I've got three cases of Mr. Noodle in my kitchen right now

I need better support, and so do you!

Dang, Metal Chick. I don't know where you came from but I am SURE glad you are here. WELCOME to the 3FC!!!

Stephanie, it gives me great pleasure to turn on my sink faucet, turn on my disposal and throw unwanted food right down the hole! LOL. Especially when it's from someone that knows we don't eat that way at my house!

Well said Metal Chick!

Metal Chick, you are brilliant!

Thanks for the kudos everyone! I was away for a bit, but I'm back now and I'll catch up on the posts.

This is what I do when rejecting clothes or food.

CLOTHES
If someone tries to give me clothes that are too big for me I tell them that the clothes are not my size. Or if I don't like the clothes I tell them that they aren't my style. This is usually met with people telling me that I dress weird. (Again, this is just someone being a jerk. Ignore it.)

If they insist that I accept the clothes, I just drop them off at a thrift store or a local church. If they ask what happened to the clothes later, I just tell them the truth; that they didn't fit or I didn't like them so I gave them to charity. If they get miffed - good! Maybe they won't give me unsolicited fashion advice in the future. The way I see it, since the clothes are given to me, they are mine and I can do what I want with my stuff.

FOOD
The so-called "Rules of Food Etiquette" don't have to apply to you. It's OK to:

Try a bite of something and decide you don't want it. Think of it as a test drive. Is it worth the calories?

Throw away something that's not worth eating. There is no point in swallowing down something that you don't like if it's bad for you too.

Reject food offered. Even if the person "made it for you". If you didn't ask for it they can't expect you to eat it. That's their problem.

SAY "NO" WITHOUT HAVING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!! It's none of their damn business WHY you don't want it anyway.

And if anyone tells you you're being rude for not accepting food, you could point out that it's more rude to offer unhealthy food to a dieting person or have a total disregard for individual boundaries or tell someone else what they should do with their body or undermine one's efforts to better themselves...you get the idea.