bridesmaid in a mainstream wedding - any thoughts?
Well, my older sister is getting married (again) and so my younger sister and I are, of course, bridesmaids. The request has already been made for me to dye my hair back brown and was denied, politely. The dresses are strapless, tea-length, and a pastel minty aqua, which I'm not all that gung-ho about, being the delightfully dark Goth that I am and consequently shunning light colors (that was a ridiculously literative sentence, too much Pride and Prejudice!). The wedding is on a beach, and we're all to be barefoot at the beach ceremony. The reception is going to be... a BBQ. I mentioned the slight detail that I'm a vegetarian and so probably wouldn't partake of the steaks and ribs. "Don't worry, there'll be a salad bar!" I'm just a wee bit disappointed because I already eat more salad than the average rabbit, but it'll be a wedding salad bar. That makes it special.
So my new weight loss goal will be to lose at the least 50 lbs by next August, a very reasonable 1.5-1.6 lb weight loss a week, and at the most 75 lbs which is a fantasy loss of about 2.5 lbs a week.
Now my question is; has anyone else been in a mainstream wedding, and how did you cope? Was anyone mutilated, maimed, or generally injured by you for being put into a ridiculous dress? What was the good, the bad, and the ugly? I've never been in a wedding before and apparently I'm putting a Poe spin on my thoughts about the whole thing, lol. Really need to stop reading 19th century literature for a bit.
I go to 40+ weddings a year and see all kinds of people in all kinds of weddings.
My advice would be don't make it more than what it is. Just as your Delightfully Dark Goth (I love that, btw) lifestyle is your choice, your sister's choice is to be traditional and conservative. When (if) you get married you can freak her out by making her wear something totally outrageous!
I wouldn't compromise anything personal (the hair dye request is just ridiculous and borderline bridezilla, IMO) but I would say just be ... I dunno ... accomodating? And accept that she's going to be weird and unreasonable in the way that only a bride can be. Grit your teeth a lot and remember she's your sister.
And remember that you're going to be asked a lot of really (in retrospect) silly questions about things that are really unimportant to anyone else but the bride. (And I can say that having been a bride and having been a photographer for the last 15 years!)
My best friend got married just last October, and it was quite ... weddingy... for lack of a better word. Knee length dresses that cost over $300 dollars type weddingy... Not at all my type of event.
Anyway, since it was a special day, my only advice is to "grin & bear it" without feeling as if you're being completely untrue to yourself.
No need to dye your hair to the color the bride deems necessary. (After all, would anyone with natural colored hair have to dye their hair pink if the bride requested it? No.)
But wear the dress (even if it's an awful pasty pale pastel) and smile for the photos. It's only one day. And you won't have to see the pictures if you don't want to.
The food... well... I guess I'd just suggest eating a good breakfast, and then taking what you can from the salad bar.
Also, remember that no one is really caring what you do that day... it's the bride's day & she'll be the focus. And once you've left the reception, quickly rip the dress off & rejoice that you'll never have to wear it again! (And then promptly donate it away so that she can't request you wear it for some anniversary or something ).
I could never understand dictating hair color. It's a wedding, not a casting call for the Stepford Wives. And if the bride started pushing on that particular element, I'd say something like "I can't wait to stand up and support you at the wedding, but making a permanent change to my haircolor is something I just can't do. I hope that isn't a problem!"
That being said, you agree to be in a wedding to support the bride and show her how much she means to you. So temporary changes (like wearing a certain dress or jewelry, playing nice with the relatives, etc) are reasonable to make to make that day more special for her. You'll definitely survive one day wearing a dress that you wouldn't necessarily choose for yourself, and fraternizing with people you normally wouldn't.
Yes, the dress will disappear as soon as she does for the honeymoon. I'm just miffed because the first set of colors I could deal with; a nice deep turquoise and brown. Ok, sounds like a Vera Bradley bag but ok. No fluffy bows or crazy dresses. Now the colors have changed to the pastel minty aqua and cream, which is either a brand new My Little Pony or a candy cane gone horribly wrong. But so shall it be, its her wedding and my job is to vent to my mother who will reign her in and keep her from driving us all to homicide. May the Gods never curse my mother with alzheimer's or senility and grant her immortality (we're all pretty sure she's not going to die. Ever.).
This might be a very silly way of looking at it, but I was thinking... Maybe you can totally pretend your in a parallel universe, and say the sweetest things, and look as angelic as you can, and then you can laugh at yourself fooling all these people into thinking you are what you're trying to make them think you are....
yeh ok I'm silly don't mind me. lol
THE MOST FATTENING THING YOU CAN PUT IN AN APPLE PIE IS A SPOON.
My wedding was extreemly cookie cutter and traditional (wedding was almost 20 years ago). White dress, chapel, minister, the whole nine yards... I'm an atheist, 90% of my wardrobe is and was black, I was a punk/goth kid, yada yada yada...
I did it because it made for mega-brownie points with the family. I really didn't (and to this day still don't) give a rat's patotie about the institution of marriage, but I did see the value in trying to mend what had become a very rocky relationship with my family.
I put my foot down about a couple of things that I absolutely would not do, but for the most part, I decided that it was only one day, and it was not going to change who I was to put on a frilly 'not-me' dress, and go with the flow for one day. I did use my own jewelry, but chose pieces that were antique looking and were still very much 'me' (actually I got waaaaay more comments on my jewlery than my dress, because the jewlery was so unusual).
Requests like dying your hair are unreasonable, in my opinion. Putting on a pukey-pastel dress (the colours do sound awful - so sorry! ) won't be fun, but it's a very simple thing to toss it afterwards and go back to being you.
In the end, I really enjoyed my wedding (mostly the party), because it wasn't about what I looked like that day, it was about a bunch of people getting together and having a good time. Who I was didn't change because I put on a frilly dress for one day
"There is no great genius without a tincture of madness." - Seneca