[maryea]

Spent all morning on the phone helping dh with VA issues and with Sears again. I have never experienced such inefficiencies in organizations/companies before!
It appears his claim for a hearing aide is now dead....after 1 1/2 years of dealing with them and they even approved his claim and fitted him for hearing aides, they now have decided he makes too much money! We told them our income on the very first forms we sent it...why didn't they say no then? When asked they say well it was passed from one dept to the next...so, the papers weren't read in those depts? I've decided the answer is probably NO. I realize many vets have and are going through this and I am thankful we do have the money to save and eventually will get them, It is just our first experience with the sytem. My main issue is that this is just not right. We owe our vets much better than this. No wonder so many commit suicide....

Then with Sears...another disappointment with them...called because I had not gotten the email with the warranty info they suppposedly sent me. I don't know why I have not gotten it but they are now sending a hard copy which will take 3-4 weeks. Well, that's not a problem since I do have an appt with a serviceman at least. But then I got to thinking I hope he'll have the parts with him to do the work, so I asked and no, he will not. So we had to again order the parts (third time...other two orders were never received) and it could take up to ten days to get. Wait, the service man will be here before ten days...oh, well, he just might not have the parts and either my dh will install them or I'll have to place another order and wait for another serviceman. Is this really how to run a business? I told her I hope we get the parts this time, and she says well, if you don't just call back and we'll order again (4th time?). I said, no, if I don't get them this time, I'll call and ask Sears to return this dishwasher. Very unhappy customer. I feel like I'm their mother and have to make sure I check their work...it isn't the hearing aides or the dishwasher...that will all work out, it is the inefficiency of these people that frustrates me.

Had little more but still minor pain last night but today is my day on antibiotics so hopefully will heal up quickly. I experimented with added foods to my diet last night so that may have caused the increased pain too. I hope I am going to be able to tolerate fresh fruits and veggies. Yesterday I ate a few blueberries and some celery (fiber). Frozen blueberries esp are really calling my name these days..

Deelou - Welcome to our little group!! Good luck with your diet and yes, Bobbi is a great example to follow!

ETA: VA just called dh back and apologized for the mishandling of his claim!! He said our income has nothing to do with it as it is service related. So it appears to be working out. I knew it would one way or another but just got so tired of dealing with them.

[glynne]

I symphasize Mary with your frustrations. It is frustrating when something seems like it should be so simple and it does not go smoothly.

That is how it is with ordering my medications from the mail away pharmacy (CVS Caremark) I used to be able to order my own medicitions ~ different insurance and different mail away company. Now every single time, there is some sort of difficulty with it. EVERY TIME. DH has to help me and it usually takes days and hours of phone conversations and constantly following up to get what we are supposed to be able to get.

My DH is retired (from his regular job) but now his full time job it seems is constantly dealing with these insurance issues. Grrrrrrr

[Karen3]

Evening all......CAJUN batten down the hatches....looks like TS Karen is coming your way.....but they always leave a hook in and she could take a sharp right and come towards us....weatherfools always have an out....Donna is supposed to get 12" of snow but not to worry because it will be 80+ next week. Honest to Pete I am not making one word of this up. They are predicting some strong wind so, of course, they started to burn the marsh down the road from us. STINK! old gators, muck and frogs.....and the wind is blowing this way.

Played bridge today and the snowbirds are flocking South. We'll be having 28+ tables soon. No bridge for me Monday again....stupid swiss teams.

Sitting here wanting something oooey, gooey, sweet...luckly I knew me and have nothing in the house. Can you still have PMS in your 70's?

I love my bridge partner but sometimes she scares me (retired teacher) Question K where are our lungs exactly? answer in you chest... further explaination Right lung with 3 lobes is behind your right nipple and left with 2 lobes is behind left nipple in your plural cavity. K what does plural cavity mean? How big are your lungs? The doctor also listens to them from my back....wow that big!! She taught your kids!

I'll be back tomorrow to do personals.....k3

[Karen31]

Thinking of you Cajun and Karen! Both be prepared for anything. We are supposed to have rain and wind tonight but I don't think anything severe. Been watching the weather channel and there is lots of snow already and TORNADOS!!! Crazy weather!!!

[jess1]

Good Morning, All...
So very pooped this morning! I dragged my sorry butt to bed at 8 p.m. last night and could go another 8 hours! This week has been hard. And if I weren't so sick of dealing with it, I'd add MY story to yours, Mary, about the incompetence of incompetents!

I'm looking forward to a nice and quiet weekend! I'm having a joint late birthday celebration with my friend today, and that's the only thing I have scheduled this weekend! I plan to be Gorko Incognito.

Mary - I was amazed (amazed!) that you got an apology from the VA. I'm very glad things are supposedly fixed for the hearing aids. Actually, I'm surprised anyone was there to answer the phone!

Enough for now. I have to get organized. I'll do personals later!

Gayle - you're in my thoughts!

Later, lovelies.

[Bobbolink]

Happy Saturday girls!

I found some time yesterday to sew another apron for part of a Christimas gift to DD. I have both tables stripped (rummage treasures) and DH sanded them down for me. It seems he decided to take over the project, went and purchased a stain and will finish them. If I'd asked him to help, he would say that's your project. I think he wants to take credit in the find and refinishing, okay with me. (He has always been a tad insecure)
He stopped at a couple of rummage sales yesterday for me, think he's getting into rummaging.
It was pouring buckets of rain all day, all night. KarenMo, crazy weather indeed...a couple counties away from us had tornado warnings.
All's right with my little corner of earth, our bird feeder at the edge of the woods is very popular. Yesterday a buck and doe were eating the bird seeds. We have two hen turkeys and 4 babies coming around for the bird seed 3-4 times a day. Possum, stripped skunks and raccoons visit every night. I told DH he better find some cheaper bird seeds, we can't afford to keep feeding all the wild critters. Fun to watch!
I spent quite a lot of time looking up lists to recycle in our area. One of the web sites were talking about deodorant and anti-perspirant.
They suggested mixing 1/2 baking soda and 1/2 cornstarch, pat that on with a damp washcloth. WHAT? That would probably work with me, I don't sweat much because I'm always cold. But DH, I don't think so. On that note, I'm outta 'ere.

[akrosey49]

Hi everyone. Had dr apt in anchorage thursday,had all staples and stitches removed,very ouchie. one drain left in place to come out next week. they used pig skin on several areas of my incision to help regenerate new skin. i guess they use this on burn patients too. who knew. we spent the nite at dd and came home yesterday. im doing ok just get tired out easier. Gayle am thinking good thoughts for you and your family Bobbie we had 3 cows and a bull moose in our yard yesterday. fun to watch but drove the dogs nuts. we used to feed the birds but the seed got so expensive we had to quit the folks from our church have been bringing us dinner every nite. i am blessed with friends and family. hoping your weekend is a good one. Jess enjoy the gorking,im doing that too rosey

[maryea]

Donna and Glynne - Well, the last few days were a learning experience. I have a lot of those and thank God He is patient with me. I can say I was not rude or mean to anyone I talked to...I realize that it is not that particular person's fault and told them so, and that it is the system I was frustrated with. LOL I know what you mean Donna about being surprised anyone answered....it is so hard to get anyone and then they tell you call someone else or go somewhere else, or send in yet another paper and on and on it goes. Esp with government. They are so big that one dept doesn't know what the other is doing. That's one reason I am against putting any more into the Federal governments hands. Today I got an apology from Sears by email but that felt more like a form email. But with VA, it was by phone and the first thing out of his mouth. He also said the same thing as I said above about the different depts...some people don't know the difference between different claims and how to handle them. Yesterday we received a letter (from another dept) sayng they can't find certain records. We are pretty sure they don't need them and its just that they don't understand what's going on. But today dh wants me to write them another letter explaining that the govt they work for had a fire back in those days and all these records were destroyed so no, they won't be able to find them.

Bobbi - My grandma, who was born in the 1980s never wore deoderant and she worked hard all her life. She just used soap and water I think but maybe baking soda. I don't remember her ever smelling bad.

Karen3 - Those are wierd questions from a retired teacher! Could she be getting a bit senile?

[Wannabehealthy]

Originally Posted by maryea

Bobbi - My grandma, who was born in the 1980s never wore deoderant and she worked hard all her life. She just used soap and water I think but maybe baking soda. I don't remember her ever smelling bad.

Karen3 - Those are wierd questions from a retired teacher! Could she be getting a bit senile?

Mary, I'll bet your grandma was born in the 1880s, not the 1980s. LOL I quit wearing deodorant years ago when they had all that hype about aluminum, and most deodorants have aluminum in them. You can find natural deodorants out there. I shower every day. I don't sweat much, and my DH would tell me if I was stinky. He is a different story, like Bobbi's DH. He works hard and perspires very heavily. He needs deodorant!!

[maryea]

LOL Oh Wannabe glad you caught that one....yes I meant 1880s however I just looked it up and she was born in 1872. She lived to be 104. She dropped out of school after the 3rd grade because she was missing so much anyway as they need her to work at home. She always said all she knew was work, work, work and that her work was her play.

I continue to have some hot flashes each day and I think they make me a little sweaty smelly so I continue to wear deodorant but probably should buy the more natural kinds.

Continuing to experiment with food and it's affect on my colon. Ate a raw apple for first time since got dx. Feel a few twinges so expect that's another thing to put on my Avoid List. Not everything on the list is for sure since some I ate at the same time and not sure which was the culprit...so will need to refine it but here's what I have so far:
raw and maybe lightly cooked celery, raw blueberries, nuts, coconut, maybe whole wheat bread, and raw apple. All healthy foods.

[ladyinweighting]

Hi Everyone,

Just working on my course & came across an article I thought you might enjoy -

Emotional bank accounts
Author: Covey, Stephen R
Publication info: The Journal for Quality and Participation 17.7 (Dec 1994): 36.

Some time ago, while conducting a training seminar at a beautiful site on the Oregon coast, I was approached by a man who asked if he might speak with me privately about his marriage.

"Look at this wonderful coastline," he began, as we both gazed out on the ocean. "I should be having a great time, and yet I really don't enjoy coming to these seminars."

He had my attention. "All I can think about is the grilling I'm going to get from my wife on the phone tonight. She gives me the third degree every time I'm away from home. She asks, 'Who did I have breakfast with? What did we talk about? What did I do for entertainment? Who was with me?' and the tone of her interrogation is always, 'Who can I call to confirm all this?"
He looked miserable. We continued to talk for a while, and then he made a very interesting comment. "I guess she knows all the questions to ask," he said rather sheepishly, "because it was on a trip like this that I met her...when I was married to someone else."

I considered the implications of his statement for a moment and then said, "You're really into quick-fix, aren't you?"

"What do you mean," he replied.

"Well, you'd like to somehow open your wife's head and rewire her and be done with the problem, wouldn't you?"

"Sure. I'd like her to change," he exclaimed. "I'd like her to stop grilling me and start trusting me."

"My friend," I replied, "you can't talk yourself out of a problem you behave yourself into." "So, what do I do," he asked. "The best way to change her attitude and win her trust is to open an emotional bank account with her and start making deposits. And don't expect quick results. You'll need to make a thousand and one deposits in that account over time before you sees significant change." While he didn't want to hear that sort of advice, he acknowledged it was correct and agreed to open an account.

Daily deposits into emotional bank accounts

In the area of human relationships, unlike normal bank accounts, we must make daily deposits to maintain the balance and to build equity. Deposits are made through:
* Courtesy...
* Kindness...
* Honesty...
* Keeping commitments.
Withdrawals are made through:
* Discourtesy...
* Disrespect...
* Threats...
* Overreactions.

If I keep making deposits in your emotional bank account, my reserve builds up. Your trust in me becomes greater, and I can call on that trust often if I need to. I can even make mistakes and other forms of withdrawals and be forgiven.

But if I continually make withdrawals from the account without making deposits, the reserve is diminished. If I keep making withdrawals, the emotional bank account becomes overdrawn. At that point I have no trust with you. I'm walking on mine fields. I have to watch every step and measure every word to cover my backside.

Emotional bank accounts at work--Sadly, many managers who are wizards at making financial deposits (and therefore are the very people who tend to be promoted) are woefully inept at making emotional deposits. A manager who once boasted to me about his tough style in dealing with problem employees later told me that he was shocked and disappointed to learn that his ungrateful employees had decided to form a union, "after all I have done for them." What he viewed as benevolence, his employees viewed as a type of paternalism that could be arbitrarily withdrawn--which brings up an important point:

What may be a deposit in your eyes may be perceived as a withdrawal in the eyes of others.

Empathy needed to make valid deposits...An important part of making deposits into other people's emotional bank accounts is to find out what deposits are to them. The tendency is to project our own desires and preferences on to others. We deposit what we esteem to be of value. But what we esteem to be of great worth, others may think worthless; they may, in fact, despise it. To know what a deposit is to another person, you will need to employ the skill of empathy. In some cases, you will need to "leave the 99 and seek after the one."

The key to the 99 is the one. As we are loyal to those who are absent--as we defend the rights of the defenseless, as we seek the opinion of the outcast, as we show respect to the customer who complains, as we give unconditional love to a confused teenager--we make a major deposit with every individual within our circle of influence. Remember everyone is a one at some time.

Laws of love and life--When we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live the primary laws of life. In other words, we love without condition, without strings, we help people feel secure, safe, validated and affirmed in their intrinsic worth, identity and integrity. their natural growth is encouraged. We make it easy for them to live the laws of life--cooperation, contribution, discipline and integrity--and to discover and to live true to the highest and best within them. We give them the freedom to act on their own inner imperatives rather than react to conditions, comparisons or limitations.
Now, this doesn't mean that we become soft and permissive. That, in itself, is a massive withdrawal. We counsel; we coach; we motivate; we set guidelines; we define roles; and we have goals. But regardless of outcomes, we show love.

When we violate the primary law of love and start attaching strings and conditions, we actually encourage others to violate the laws of life and become defensive. They may feel have to prove I matter or I count. They become more concerned with defending their rights and proving their individuality than they are about honoring their own inner imperatives. Rebellion and ignorance are both knots of the heart, not the mind. And the key to untying them is to make may deposits of unconditional love.(1)
Dag Hammarskjold, past Secretary General of the United Nations, once made a profound statement: "It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses."
I take that to mean that I could devote eight, ten, even twelve hours a day, seven days a week, to the many worthy people and projects out there and still not have a deep, meaningful relationship with my own spouse, with my own son, or with my closest working associates. And it would take more nobility of character to rebuild those relationships by making meaningful deposits than it would to put in all those hours for all those people and causes.

Five ways to make deposits

Here are five ways you can make major deposits that build emotional bank accounts.

1 . Remember the little things.
In relationships, the little things are big. Perform kindnesses and courtesies. Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses and small forms of disrespect make large withdrawals.
2. Keep commitments
People build their hopes around promises--particularly promises about their rice bowl and their livelihood. If you make and keep promises over time, that integrity builds a large reserve of trust.
3. Clarify and fulfill expectations
Many expectations are explicit, but many are implicit. People bring both types of expectations to relationships. Fulfilling expectations is a major deposit--that's why it is so important to begin new endeavors or employments with a clarification of expectations.
4. Sincerely apologize
You make a great deposit when you can sincerely say, "I was wrong. I'm sorry. That was my fault. What I said was unkind." Words such as "I'll say I'm sorry if you'll say you're sorry," or "I'll tell you why I did what I did," only make withdrawals.
5. Be loyal
Your many daily deposits can be destroyed by a single act of disloyalty. For example, if I hear you sweet talking someone to his face, yet bad mouthing him to his back, what can I expect when you and I have a falling out? The same treatment! I will recognize your duplicity and distrust you. If, on the other hand, you are constant and loyal, even when it costs you, you will build big reserves among all of your associates.

A final word

The only real deposits are those that are sincere; in Latin, that word means, without wax. Remembering the little things, keeping commitments, clarifying and fulfilling expectations, apologizing and being loyal all add up to trust reserves if they are sincere.
(1) An example of unconditional love...
Which school to attend?
I once had a friend who was the dean of a very prestigious school. He planned and saved for years to provide his son the opportunity to attend that institution. But when the time came, the son refused to go.
The father knew what graduating from that school would mean to the boy; it was a family tradition--for three generations! He urged his son to change his mind. But the only message the boy heard was that his father's desire for him to attend that school outweighed the value he placed on him as a person and as a son, which was terribly threatening. Naturally the boy resisted.
After some intense soul searching, this man, and his wife, resolved to love and support their son regardless of his choice and to express their love sincerely. It was a difficult process, but they reached the point where they could honestly day, "Son, your decision--whatever it is--will not affect the love we feel for you." (Let me emphasize that they did not do this to manipulate their son. They did it as the logical extension of their growth and character.)
The boy made no immediate response, but about a week later, he told his parents that he had decided, once and for all, not to go. They were prepared for this and again expressed their love.
Some time later an interesting thing happened. Now that the boy no longer had to defend his position, he searched within himself and found that he really did want to go to that school. He began the admission process at once.
Stephen R. Covey is founder and chairman of the Covey leadership Center. He received his PhD from Brigham Young University and is the author the The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and Principle-Centered Leadership (Simon and Schuster).


References

Covey, S. R. (1994). Emotional bank accounts. The Journal for Quality and Participation, 17(7), 36.

[Karen31]

Oooooh! Lynn, Thanks for sharing that! I think I may have to "borrow" that and put it on my Facebook. Very nice thoughts.

[jess1]

Yes, Lynn, thanks for that. It's a good reminder for all of us!!

Lovely day here. Just filled my tummy, so I'm happy.

Rosey - glad things are progressing for you!

Bobbi - glad you're working on those aprons (and enjoying your Girl Cave).

Mary - keep feeling better!

CK - so glad to be home?

Nothing to report. Later, lovelies.

[Karen3]

The on going tale of living in the sunny swampy state of Florida. Yesterday while I was sitting on the lanai doing a puzzle, Dash and DH came into the pool cage with a huge snake racing in front of them. I yelled snake and Dash jumped backward. It was moving so fast I couldn't identify the type. DH was sure it went back outside. hhhhmmmm spent all night wondering if it was still on the porch or maybe even in the pool cleanout. hmmmmmm. (or my bedroom)

This morning I made DH a big meatloaf and when I took it out of the pan it fell apart. I served him a spoonful with apologies. He said it was probably the best one I ever made. Suddenly more than a dozen wee lizards jumped and ran up the 2 window screens. More landed on the rockers on the front porch. More on the pillars. With that DH spots the snake crawling thru the hedge! Mr snake is 24" black snake. He eats mice and lizards and isn't dangerous. Too bad he doesn't eat armadillos!

[deelee10]

Hi Golden Girls,
I finished my 30 CEUs for my social work license. It's always good to get that done. Then, DH was due for his endoscopy down in Houston to make sure none of the nasty Barrett's is back. Trying to fly down Monday, standby was a nightmare. Steve got the last seat on a noon flight. I didn't get in until 12:45 as in after midnight. Then had to get DH to hospital by 6:30 a.m. for the procedure. I was so exhausted when we got home Monday night.

Then we left to see DS2 (meaning younger, not less important.) We weren't going to leave until Thursday but he called Wednesday and said he was furloughed! He does work for the government but we thought it might not affect him. It did! Was a good thing because he has started a grad school program that is very difficult and he is taking the worst course he will ever have to take according to people who have taken it. He wants to transfer into a grad program that offers more courses on line which means he has to tke the GRE and get his application in by November 1. And he had a bad cold. He had to take time off for his brother's bachelor party and wedding weekendsin September so he fell behind and was feeling overwhelmed.

So I told DH that we're leaving tomorrow, Wednesday, cuz Tim is sick, overwhelmed and wants to see us! He started grumbling. I said, "You don't have to go but I'm going down to make my boy some chicken soup and he wants to see us!! The soup did the trick too. He's much better and he had a few days to get caught up. Turns out his BIG boss found a loop hole somewhere and he will probably have to go in to work on Monday anyway.

I, of course, am a little down about leaving him and D.C. which was having beautiful, sunny weather. And DH...he's just not that much fun anymore. He is turning into a cranky old man - again. I warned him about that a while back. It's not because he feels bad physically. He plays hockey and golf just fine. He's currently cursing at the Bear's game. That is actually understandable. He just always wants to do what he wants. And usually does. His solo little projects that he putters around with. And I'm too busy with my parents' !$*! to find...myself... I guess.

You know, I'm the one that started the Maisie Dobbs gang. "Nancy Drew for grownups." I read the first 3 - all there was at the time. Now that I've heard there are so many more, I think I will crank out the old Kindle and start downloading things to read in Cambodia.

Mr. Grouchy pants wants to go for a bike ride. I'll try to catch up and do personal tonight or tomorrow. Until then - hugs to everyone!