[betsy2013]

Yesterday was family day; i.e., we drove the 100 miles to be with the kids and grands. Great day spent celebrating birthdays and playing with the kids. We went out to eat and I didn't even look at the menu because I had gone online and figured out what I would have to stay on plan.

My niece asked me why I wasn't getting the traditional steak and baked potato so I told them that I was trying to lose weight. I live in a family of skinnies. One got there because he got Type II Diabetes and took control. The "kids" (ages 35-41) have never had weight problems, thank heavens, and the grands are active and don't have them either. The whole family heard me say I was trying to lose weight. No one said a thing.

Maybe they feel like they've heard this same thing before (and they have, in all fairness), maybe they were thinking it's about time, but just saying nothing sort of did a number on me. Like most older females, my life has consisted of putting everyone else first. This journey is going to be about putting me first at least where the eating is concerned. And while I'm sure my family will eventually be encouraging once they can actually see some progress, I just have to accept that for once in my life I'm going to have to be what I consider to be selfish. Who knows, I might enjoy developing this side of my personality!

[bargoo]

I don't thnk taking care of your health is selfish at all. Improving your health is actually going to be a benefit to the entire family. I have found it best not to let people know I am dieting. I would just say something like steak just doesn't sound good today. I just let them think I am a picky eater, I am not but the less I say about dieting the less comments I will get , good or bad,

[Babybat]

I don't think you're being selfish. Maybe they were unsure of what to say.
I agree with bargoo, I don't usually tell people I'm dieting, although some of my family has gotten the clue.

[nomorejellybeans]

Maybe they just wanted to let you be and not pressure you. As you lose and they start noticing, maybe your family will start being more supportive. Anyway, good job on getting started and keep up the great work! Keep us posted :O)

[weight2lose]

My family was like that when I first low carbed ten years ago. I just put their comments aside, chalked it up to them trying to do the best for me, then went forward. You have to focus on you when it is about diet and health.

Rob

[betsy2013]

Thanks for the comments and support. I know they love me and want me to be healthy and eventually they will come around. The "not being selfish" comments got me to thinking. I'm definitely older than most on this site and had never thought about losing weight and being healthy as being for anyone other than myself. However, I imagine the kids would be happy knowing that I won't have to move in with them any time soon!

[April Snow]

do you feel like they are being actively UNsupportive? Or they just didn't go out of their way to provide encouragement?

Maybe it's that they feel like being more actively supportive in the past and cheering you on didn't work, and now they are trying something different?

My son is only 8, so it's a different dynamic than with adult kids/relatives. But with my mom, I know she wants to be supportive, but when she asks me how much I've lost, it just feels like pressure instead of support.

[elvislover324]

I'm sorry you feel they were unsupportive with their silence.

Maybe they were being supportive and not drawing attention to you. When I saw my family at Thanksgiving, my weight was all my family wanted to talk about (I was down about 60lbs at that point and hadn't told anyone I was dieting so it was a surprise to them.)

I didn't want any attention about my weight, I just wanted to feel like a normal person instead of playing 50 questions! And I actually didn't answer more than 2 or 3 questions as I was so stressed out from it!

If someone's weightloss came up at a table I was sitting at, I wouldn't personally say one word about it. It's my own insecurities at play but it's so personal to me. The only people I discuss my weight with are my husband, my doctors office and all of you at 3FC!!! Otherwise, it's none of anyone's business!

I hope you can reach out to us for the support you need; we will do anything we can for you. Of course we aren't your family but we are real and we care too.

[shcirerf]

I am 50+, never posted over here, but do lurk now and then.

The silence, maybe, they simply weren't sure what to say, so figured saying nothing was a better option.

One of the great things, I have come to learn to love about being 50+ is I'm getting old now, been there done that. I'm over a lot of things. I'm going to do some things for me, and just for me! And I don't give 2 hoots what anyone thinks.

On the other hand, after a lot of practice at this journey, I've figured out lots of less threatening, or confrontational or whatever ways to deflect or get around comments like that.

A simple, "I'm in the mood for chicken and fresh veggies today." Or, "I'm working on healthier choices." Leave the weight loss out of the equation. Somehow making it more about healthier choices and leaving the "diet/losing" thing out of the conversation/equation, has a way of diffusing all the emotions.

Actually, as you continue to make good choices, and have successes, people will quit questioning you and will admire and be proud of you. It does take some time, but it does work.

Ironically, the more you do it and the better you get at it, the more people around you will support you. For instance, having lost and maintained for over a year now, when my kids, call and ask me to come and spend the night and watch the grandbabes, they ask me, if I need anything food wise. They do this knowing I'm dedicated, and they do it with love and respect for my hard work and dedication.

I do appreciate it, but I'm good bringing my own things. Both have easy access to Subway for supper, and I drag along my own breakfast stuff in my lunch box, and left a 4 cup coffee pot and a pound of my favorite organic coffee in the freezer at my youngest sons house, cuz they don't drink coffee and didn't even have a pot! *faints*

[wannaskipandlaugh]

I have to say.. this is the first time that my parents are actually Not sabitoging (sp) me. Makes me very happy as in past they would always push foods that were not close to what I could eat. Tho my mom did try and get me to eat some jelly beans last night (because she has been eating them and is mad at herself... so not 100% support yet but getting there)