I'll be 51 in a couple weeks. I've weighed well over 300 lbs for almost 20 years, but just this year got below 300 lbs. Losing every ounce has been a struggle, and increasingly so after I turned 45. I still have a very long way to go to achieve goal weight.
I don't know if I'll ever get there, but the effort to lose the weight is now my way of life. It has to be, because it takes so little for me to regain. Any day off my exercise and diet and I regain, not one pound, but more like five! It's very, VERY frustrating. Some days I want to yell, "SCREW THIS!!!" and move my things over to the In-n-Out and take up residence. But I know that isn't the answer at all.
Feels like I've been in a decade-long mid-life crisis. I have moments of clarity and that keeps me going in the right direction, but I would love to get a really big fat juicy reward for all my effort! I guess I'm not really entitled to one. I guess I just have to live my life, do what I need to do to get healthier, stronger, etc. Accepting that my reward will come in moments of feeling healthy, and not in the form of the inner hot-goddess that looks 25 emerging from the layers of fat. Or a big fat paycheck for all my wisdom.
Stupid Oprah! Setting me up for all these ridiculous expectations!
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