My name is Donna and I'm 35 with 3 kids, 1 husband and 1 ex-husband, 1 dog and 2 cats. I went to LAWL in Nov. of 2002 I had great success lost 72lbs. and really had changed my lifestyle. I had been a stay at home mom for 8yrs, then decided to get a job(2 kids then). I started working at a furniture store in sales. Very shortly after starting this new job I found out I was pregnant which let me tell you was a big shocker!!! I was 3 months along and didn't even know it(i have always regularly missed my periods). I am a real fananatic about what I eat while I'm pregnant. Lots of protein, no caffeine, no nitrates (which is in every processed meat and lunchmeat there is), no red dyes and of course no smoking or alcohol which I don't do anyway, and the list goes on and on. Don't get me wrong I'm no health nut far from it, I just wanted to do everything I could possibly do to make sure I had a healthy babies. Well needless to say I hadn't been doing any of these things in those 3 months. On Dec. 23 I went for a normal check up and found out the baby was no longer alive. My husband was the only one that knew. I didn't want to tell my other 2 children about it right before Christmas and have them forever associate Christmas with when they lost their little sister. So I went through the holidays as best I could then I finally went into labor on Dec 29th. I had to go through all the labor and pain just like my other babies but this time I didn't get a baby to cuddle and nurse and love after it all.I ended up losing that child when I was 6mos pregnant. It was devastating to me, I totally blamed myself and still do most days, even though everyone told me it was'nt my fault. I went into a depression stage that no one really knew I was in. I tried to get back on plan then found out I was pregnant again(6 wks after the mis-carriage). I was over joyed to be pregnant again. I needed a baby to love and hold. I totally threw all caution to the wind about calorie wise choices or how much I ate. All I could think of was, just get this baby into the world big and healthy then I can lose the weight, I did it before and can do it again. Well I acomplished my first goal, I had a healthy baby boy 10lbs 8oz. Nov. 5 2004.(my joy) But as far as the second goal I have steadily gained weight. I don't know why I was so completely motivated before (2002) and now I can't even get myself to go to LAWL. I know it works. I've decided tomorrow is the day. I'm going to the store today to get all the good foods I need. Then tomorrow I'm starting again. That's why I went looking for this web site. I need some support from fellow LAWL members. I know my intro may sound like I'm a depressed down trodden person, but I'm really not I'm usually a very upbeat fun loving person. I love humor and try to be funny myself. I was just trying to explain how I fell so far. I'm not even sure what I weigh now. I guess I will find out tomorrow when I weigh in(scarry!!!). I just need a buddy, need a buddy, need a budeeeee!!!! please.