Hi ladies, figured it was time for a new thread. So I'm looking over this "Emotional Needs Questionaire" I gave DH to fill out, and it seems he needs admiration more than anything. Only thing is, I don't really admire him anymore. He's intolerant, complains constantly, whines, abrasive - this may be harder than I thought. But something made me fall in love with him in the first place, so I'm going to try and figure out what that was.
Anyway, love you girls!! Tonight's the season premiere of Gilmore Girls!! I'm all smiles!
I don't know what kind of books you might be interested in, and forgive me if I am out of place for making a reccommendation, because it could be way off for what you need right now, but when I was in need of encouragement for my marriage a few years ago, I read the book "Power of a praying wife" , and it really helped me a lot. That was several years ago, and I have changed now in some of my views and beliefs, but at the time it was very helpful, and I thought I'd throw the title your way in case you find an interest in it. There is also a "Power of a praying husband" by the same person, but of course, my husband wasn't interested in that one. But really, reading some of the thoughts and praying with the author over certain issues, seemed to really help encourage me and see some areas that I could work on for my own peace of mind.
My grandparents were married 59 years. They made marriage seem so easy, like it was forever. I realize now though, that I probably just didn't know about all the rocks they may have tripped over in the road. Their generation didn't discuss problems, you just had to deal with it. I would have gone crazy if I could not have discussed how I felt. But they really were(and are) an inspiration to me. Marriage "is" hard work. Anyone who doesn't claim it is, probably are newlyweds. (lol) I really stand strong on the description of what love is according to the bible.
Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not envy, Love does not boast, Love is not proud, Love is not rude, Love always trusts, Love always hopes, Love never fails
To have that kind of love, takes time, and effort, and working on everyday, really for all of our lives. But in saying that, I do think that we should have more better days than worse. And if we start having more worse days, then definitely, concern is to be there. I think you are doing great Tracy, that you are working so hard to make this work out. I am proud of you, and I think that shows a lot of love on your part that you are not giving up. Hang in there and remember that after the storm are beautiful rainbows!
My thoughts are with you, and I hope each day gets better, or at least you start having more better days than not.
Hey girls! How is everyone doing??? I'm doing ok, work went the same, except we found out that by April, we all have to work towards our certification...or no job. SO...I have to think about what I really want to do. I don't know if this is my destiny or not, my passion for life. I also went to therapy today and found out that my therapist is quitting and this would be our session. I'm kinda bummed out b/c we had a good relationship and she knew when something was wrong. But I will be transferred to a different therapist, but it's like starting over. Then again, this gives me a chance to venture out and seek a more intense therapy, which I believe I need. Granted I like what treatment I have now, but they are not specialized in eating disorders, or anything remotely to that. Who knows? LOL
Tracy-Hey gal, I really wish I knew what to say, but I've never been in your shoes!!! It's true that you fell in love with him for some reason or quality perhaps, but maybe those qualities changed or he's just different?? That is a wild guess, but girl, listen to your heart and how you truly feel at this very moment, not how you did in the past.
Hey Skippy, love the poem!! I remember reading in the bible about what love is. I also remember it in A walk to remember... I bawled during the movie!
Hey to Chris, Michelle, Jennelle, Kat, Anna, Sandi, Linoleum, Christy, CeeJay.. I hope you guys are doing good, my thoughts are always with you!
Until next time...
Peace
Vanessa
I actually had the site opened twice to post but never did (got distracted, etc...).
Things are going pretty well. I am having trouble waking up in the morning for a workout and my f2f meetings. Going to bed earlier isn't an option, either. So I'm thinking of taping my snooze button down, so it doesn't work.
Tracy, kudos for you for plugging away at your marriage. I am sure it is not easy.
Skippy, thanks for the poem!
Vanessa, Sorry about losing your therapist. It's a shame you were not given more time to adjust to the new information. But this is probably what HP wants - so I bet it's a positive thing!
I got this in my email box today and totally needed it since my clothes were a bit snug this morning. Giving that up to HP.
RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 22, 2004
~ ACCEPTANCE ~
:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be
changed in the world
as what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
It is the human condition to dislike where
we were or where we are. We seem to
think that only some mystical non-existent
person, place, thing or situation will make
us happy. If only our spouse loved us as
we wanted to be loved ... if only the boss
would see and appreciate my contributions
... if only my house and children were
perfect. We sit year after year speculating
and fantasizing our lives away.
It tells us in the Serenity Prayer to ask God
for the wisdom to know His will for us. We
will live in darkness and despair until we
learn that God is here, in charge and loving
His children. I must, through prayer and
meditation, seek God's will and do the next
right thing. The only things in my life to be
fixed are my attitudes, and only God can,
and will, do that if I do the footwork, just for
today
ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I will seek, and accept God's will for my life.
Okay...I heard this on a motorcycle show...."Hooray for Today and F*** Tomorrow." I got a giggle out of it. Sort of like "ODAT," but with more attitude.
HA!! That's great, Jennelle - kind of the opposite of what we tend to do. I'm always looking forward to tomorrow when I'll be thin and healthy, instead of living in the moment. Maybe I should make that my new motto!
So. DH filled out his "Emotional Needs" survey, and one of the sections was about the need for a physically attractive spouse. Aargh. But I still get to fill out mine.
Skippy, thank you for your kind words and suggestions - I'll certainly look for that book. The Surrendered Wife is another one I've had recommended to me.
Well, I don't have much planned for today - some cleaning, laundry, and a workout at some point. Ya'll take care now, ya hear?
Sorry I haven't been around girls. Have been fighting another round of recovery vs. the disease and I have been isolating pretty bad. Culminated in a job interview on Tuesday which probably wasn't the best for my mental health. No sleep, restricting food, muscle spasms all culminated in probably the worst migraine yesterday that I have had since college. I feel totally wiped and defeated. So I am taking today as gently as I can. Tommorow I will do something, anything to try to reach out. Thanks for listening.
Hey girls! How is everyone??? I'm doing ok, bundled up on the couch watching a little tele and drinking a diet pepsi. Work has been ok, although everyone is spazzed out b/c of the new certification requirements. But I guess maybe I can look at it as though it's meant to be and the HP wanted me for this job. It's all fell in my lap and I have an opportunity to advance myself. Who knows really, i'll just take it ODAT and let HP do the rest.
Tracy-Hey gal! I hope your doing ok and don't worry about the survey.. Maybe the answer is already there, you just have to look the right way. Just do what your heart desires and what you truly want in this life.
Jennelle-LOL Love the quote! I find myself thinking that at the end of a bad day!
Chris-Hey there! I"m glad you posted, I was getting worried! I'm sorry your not doing too well, be gentle and kind to yourself.. your only human! Keep your head up, my thoughts are with you and I'll send some good vibes your way
Kat-Maybe your right, maybe I needed a change in guidance and this will lead into something better. But it sucks to have a great rapport with someone and then they just leave. Things happen for a reason right?
I'm sending out big hugs to skippy, ceejay, michelle, sandi, linoleum, christy, anna.. I hope you guys are doing well, my prayers are with you!
Until next time ladies,
Peace
Vanessa
I will post more tomorrow but wanted to say hello. My mom and stepdad have separated (temporary, hopefully) after 25 years of marriage due to his abuse of alcohol. It's a lot to take in.
I will post a longer post tomorrow but wanted to check in before bed.
Good Morning, ladies! Kat - I'm so sorry about your parents' separation. I hope things work out. This must be an awful time for your whole family.
Chris - you deserve health. Your HP loves you. Please be gentle with yourself.
Vanessa - I'm sorry you're losing someone you trust so much, but it will surely be an opportunity to grow in some new direction. There's always a plan, even if we don't know it (or like it). So are you going to go ahead with the certification? I think that'd be great!
I have this enormous mound of topsoil in my yard - DH and I are going to spread it and plant new grass when he gets home today. I'm thinking I can skip my workout. We've had a dead yard for months, but now it's time for a rebirth.
Other than that, I need to do some volunteer work at the church this weekend - anyone else with fun plans?
Hi everyone. I've been too busy to post this week but I'm glad to be here anyway. I've had a hellish week. Nothing bad happened but this morning I realized that the pain and anxiety consuming me was because I haven't put anything in my mouth without feeling guilty for about 6 days. It's taking quite the emotional toll.
Has anyone read either "Overcoming Overeating" or "When Women stop Hating their bodies?" Off the top of my head I can't remember the authors' names but if you google the titles you can find out. Anyhow these are getting-over-ED type books. I've read both. The authors live here in NYC and today I decided to do some research online. Anyhow I found out that they do monthly workshops and on a whim I decided to sign up for one. So I signed up. I'm kind of excited, kind of nervous, and I hope I don't chicken out.
Anyhow hi everyone. I hope that everyone's ok.
Tracy--how are you doing? hang in there for us, will ya? Sounds like you are making it through almost intact, despite all the hard stuff you're going through. Of course there were reasons you fell in love with DH. There are reasons I love my mom but that doesn't mean that she doesn't drive me crazy. Maybe instead of rooting through the past to figure out what was lost along the way, you can look toward the future (I know, I know, live in the present, not the future, but hear me out) and find things to love now. Things to change towards--not change back to. THat might make it a little bit more equitable to both of you and DH might not feel attacked. (Even though it sounds like he should be--but that's just my opinion) Anyhow depending on where his head is he may not be open to anything at all. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.
Skippy--really great post. in addition-- My grandparents are still married after 65 years (crazy right?), they give me a lot of hope in general, not just in marriage. I adore them. THey were practically an arranged marriage--they married in 1939 and survived WW2 when my grandfather was taken prisoner in Germany for 5 years--11 months after their wedding. (He was a soldier in the French army) They are the greatest. Ever. I can't even explain how much they mean to me.
Vanessa--good luck with the certification and the new therapist. I think that both developments are nice opportunities to make some real changes! But I understand it can be kinda stressful. Take care.
Kat. i'm so sorry about your parents separation. But maybe, if your step dad has issues like that, it will be easier for him to wrok on them alone, and then he will be able to be a better person for your mom. my heart goes out to all three of you (and of course any other family members affected).
Jenelle--how was the motorcycle show?
Chris. I feel you, Chris! I think I understand about going through that kinda phase. It's hard in itself, and sometimes it takes you by surprise, and wipes you out even more. Remember that you are such a strong person, you will make it through this.
Hey ladies! How is everyone tonight?? I"m doing ok, just came back from the movies. I saw Forgotten with Julieanne Moore.. Very very interesting to say the least. TGIF! I can sleep past 4am!!! I'm going to rest and just be my cool self this weekend, try to take in the day and let go of all the trials and tribulations of the week. I can't believe there is another hurricane on the way! This is crazy! Gosh, I hope winter isn't like this with blizzards and ice storms.
Kat-I'm sorry to hear about your parents separation. I've never been through anything like that. Hopefully they know what's best for them and they are taking the right steps to make it easier. Keep your head up
Anna-Hey stranger!! I'm glad you posted! How is NYC? I'll look up the names of those books, I'm a total bookworm! I def. need something that will boost my self image and how I perceive myself. As far as the certification goes, I'm going for it.. It's an opportunity of a lifetime and a chance to broaden my career. I'm not going to have any regrets.
Tracy-Hey there! How are you doing?? I agree with Anna, the future is endless with possibilities and our HP def. knows what our pathes are. Trust in him and simply have faith sista! My prayers are with ya!
Chris-How are you doing??? I know your a very strong person, you can get through this. Always look up, the sun is always shining on you.
Skippy, Ceejay, Michelle, Jennelle, Christy, Sandi, Linoleum------> How are you guys???
Well ladies, I'm calling it a night. Until next time...
Love
vanessa
The separation is definitely for the best. My mom gave him many chances and, unfortunately, he kept abusing alcohol. She is asking for a year of sobriety before taking him back, so we will see what happens.
DH and I are having dinner with friends tonight. Then they are going to the movies and we are babysitting their one year old.
My increased attendance of f2f meetings has really helped my program a lot. I am naturally more intune and communicative with HP, which is great.
MUgirl...I can't wait to see "The Forgotten!" I have SUCH a thing for Anthony Edwards! When Top Gun came out, I was the only one I knew who was head-over-heels for "Goose." Same thing with ER - I didn't get the attraction to George Clooney. He's like a Jay Leno clone, for goodness sake! And then there's Julianne Moore. She is absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful. She'd almost make me consider swinging the other way!
Chris - Big hugs, girly. We love you. It won't beat you. You're too strong for it!
Hey Jennelle, you'll love The Forgotten.. Although Anthony doesn't have too big of a role in it, i'm sure he'll make your heart flutter! Julianne Moore is just so natural, she's not a Revelon factory nor a cover girl. It's a very interesting movie, i jumped several times! Go see it!!
Weekly Check in 9/20-9/25!!
But something made me fall in love with him in the first place, so I'm going to try and figure out what that was. 
