I haven't been here in awhile. Between offline life and computer problems. The good news is that I have lost 10 lb. Now, I just need to continue on. I have Dr. Phil's book and that is my starting point. We shall see.....
I got two new tattoos recently. It's another part of getting back to the real me. Does anyone else feel like you have lost the real you and need to get that back?
Coleen...fist off congrats on the loss of ten pounds...that is terrific.
O.k...so you told us you got two new tattoes...so What the heck are they, and where are they? DId they hurt? Have you gotten one before? I want one...but I am too chicken...hmmm maybe someday. I just do not want to regret it...15 years from now!
Second, Dr. Phil rocks. I am also following his book. (I have the book and also the book on tape...man, I feel like he is talking to me through that radio...LOL) Check out his web site...great tips on there too!
The real me...man, it has been way to long since I have seen that girl...and you know what, I sure do miss her! Between these past 6 years plagued by depressive episodes, having two kids in two years, transitioning to a stay at home mom....I am just beginning to get the "real me" back! How are you doing it, you may ask? I am starting with self love and living in the here and now (therapist suggested that one) I really do believe that is the key to all of this, don't cha agree?
Does anyone else feel like you have lost the real you and need to get that back?
Oh, I absolutely do. I know that the "real me," the fundamental me, is still inside me and the body is just a shell and blah, blah, blah....I do, I reallly, really do. But I DO feel like somewhere in the process of expanding I lost some of the ways that I expressed who I was. I was much more stylish, more flirtatious, more conscious of my power as a woman. I moved my body freely and was more open to others with the knowledge that I was attractive and sexy. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not interested in seducing anyone I'm not currently seducing on a regular basis --I'm a happily partnered girl, but even with her, no matter how much she tells me all the right things, and no matter how many ways she tries to show me how attractive she finds me, she just doesn't have it within her power to give me back that sense of power, that easy awareness.
I'm on the road back, I definitely am, and I know it will just keep getting better. Just reclaiming control of my behavior and it's impact on my health -- and seeing some loss -- has given me a taste of freedom. As for the style, I guess that'll just come back as I'm able to fit into the things that I think are cool and express my inner funkiness. The big girl stuff is just a little too plump auntie-like for my taste, but noone but me knows that. And the sexiness, the flirtatiousness, that'll come back too, as I feel better about my body.
So I'm headed in the right direction, but I can totally relate to a sense of having lost self. When size impacts your means of self-expression, it's unavoidable. But not permanent. And I'll come back better than ever.
Wow, what a couple of great responses. I really appreciate your ( both of you) being so candid. It's funny how many things change when our bodies change. I know for myself that I dress differently, move differently, and I am so much more self concious! I am doing my best to ease my way out of feeling this way. I used to think that I would feel better once I lost weight. Now I know that I have to work on my inside as well as the outside.
Thank you for the congrats, Gina. I hope you will continue to share with me anything you get from Dr. Phil's book. I am going to dig in after my busy weekend.
Sarah, I understand what you are saying about your partner. You are so lucky to have her. I have a really great husband who met me nearly 22 years ago. At that time, I was 118 lb. I am twice the woman now. He has always loved me, encouraged me, supported me. Nothing has changed on his end as far as how he feels about me or how he treats me. If I could get better, do better, feel better just on his love alone, I would already be there! I am very grateful to have him in my life. I really look forward to the day that I reach my goal and can be everything *I* want to be for myself, and for us as a couple. I have a really hard time feeling like/being myself at this size. Although with him my guard is always down and I can relax. I have passed on party invites etc. because of my weight and that is really hard for him. I have been making the effort to attend more functions, take better care of myself and do the things that I want to do ( like changing my hair, getting tattooed or buying nice things just for me.) When I got tattooed recently, I almost felt like crying. It made me feel even closer to being "myself". To answer your question, Gina. Yes, it hurt, but not much. I got both of my wrists tattooed. One wrist has my birth last name with a small shamrock, and the other has my married last name with a small thistle. I have tattoos around my ankles and getting those hurt more than my wrists ( there I have morning glories, a heart with my husbands name on one ankle, and shamrocks, a claddagh and a heart that says "mom" on my other ankle.) My wrists were a big deal because they are visible tattoos ( my ankle tattoos are hidden because I always wear pants.) In some ways I don't like to draw attention to myself and in some ways I do.
Do either of you ever plan what you will wear when you are closer to your goal? I just started to write down things I see that I like. I saw Drew Barrymore on a talk show and she was wearing a round neck shirt ( sweater?) with low cut jeans ( but not so low that they show crack, and she had on a brown belt and it was buckled off to the side. I saw her and thought " I would love to wear that." Currently, I dress as if I am wearing a uniform every day. I used to like clothes.
What have you done/are you doing now for yourself? I started to garden and that has been great for me. I also got the new tattoos. I am thinking about going for a pedicure ( never had one done professionally) and I will probably change my hair color again. When I reach 199, I am going to get some new clothes. That will be a victory for me!
I read your post earlier and didn't think I really fit into the find the real me but I've been thinking about it and yes I would like to get "me" back. I've always been overweight and obese but I stayed around 200-225 for 5 years or so and then just kept climbing from there. Now I pretty much wear sweats, shorts, and occassional jeans. I guess I've just accepted myself as this over the years and not thought about my old carefree self in a long, long time.
You'll notice in my siggy that I do have rewards set in for each of my milestones I've set out.
I can't wait for the day where I can shop in a "normal" store. I gave up a love of shopping for clothes in high school when I started having to get plus-size. I would then just shop for shoes and purses when going out shopping with friends.
So, what is it that you would like to wear? You know......I absolutely love socks and I think it's because that size didn't change as I gained weight.......lol. I used to wear heels/pumps when I would go out and gave those up long ago. I recently found a pair that I liked and I bought them. Even though I find walking in them a bit weird. I never thought one could get out of practice, but I did! One day I will get comfortable in them. I feel clumsy at this weight......less light on my feet ( pardon the pun).
I would love to wear my bikini (yes I wear one at my current weight) and not feel like everyone is staring at the "fat lady in the bikini" but at the "hot mama in the bikini"
I also have a pair of size 12s in my closet from when my mom lost down that I saved.
Have you found some looks in magazines? I know some will find cute clothes that they like and make a collage of them and post it on the fridge, in the bathroom wherever so it's a constant reminder of where you want to go.
There's also a cool website www.mvm.com where you make a virtual you and go shopping at stores online. You can enter what you want to weigh and "try on" clothes.
That's great that you wear a bikini. I haven't worn one for years. Thanks for the website address. I will try that out. It sounds cool. The magazine idea is a good one. That will be a good addition to what I am doing now. I could put all sorts of ideas in the book. Hey, did anyone ever notice when you go to a store like Lane Bryant that the models on the photos in the store do not look plus size? You know, I don't remember being any size in between 9/10 and 18. I was 5-7 when I met my husband, then I went up to 9/10....then I went 18.....20.....22. Weird......
I have so much to respond to here...but I am sooooo beat (from working all day at a plus sized store....Lane bryant.....which I love all of their stuff ... BTW, that is why I am working so I can take advantage of the 55 % off days!!!!) ANyhoo....Going back to the comment about the models at Lane Bryant not being "plus sized"....I get that comment ALL THE TIME at work...and I will tell ya what I tell all my customers...LOL.....
"That, yes those are really "plus sized models" most likely a size 14/16.....and not all "plus sized" people are "fat" (sorry for the less than perfect word here, but....) people hold their weight differently...including ourselves.....(ever notice if you ever were fat, skinny, and then fat again....you put weight on in different areas, or your shape changed completely?). Some women are are tall...therefor needing plus sized clothes. "
Ha...there is my speil....
ALso...about the virtual model thing....I love it! In my journel...I copied what I look like now....and what I will look like at GOAL WEIGHT....and it is inspiring to glance at that every now and then!
Oh man, this subject is really on my mind these days. I looked in my closet and sort of saw everything through new eyes last week. I was like, "why are there all these fatgirl clothes in here?" You know, not that they are a big size, but that they are not clothes that any cool skinny chick would wear in a smaller size. They're matronly and blousy in the wrong places. There are a few good pieces but, some crap in there I bought out of desparation when I was caring less and less about myself and just needed something to cover my body. We don't have a lot of money to replace these things, but I'd rather wear the good pieces over and over than wear that crap stuff. If it doesn't make me feel pretty, then it goes out!
Hmmm, looked at the link and I can't figure out if it's an age or a weight thing, but there was nothing there for me. I wear shirts long enough to cover my apron, so they have to be at least 31 inches long. And cap sleves, much less staps. Oh, no way!!!! I know I am not doing myself any favors and it might be a denial thing, but I can't stand my tummy hanging out under my shirt. Pants are never tight. And shoes, well, call me boring, but I have orthotics and shoes made to fit those are never fun. Maybe I should look at the purses!!
And, on the whole plus model size thing. Am I the only one who doesn't want to see the clothes for me on a truely plus size model. I prefer the 14/16 size model. I also have NO problem with the very thin models showing plus size clothes. I think seeing truely plus size models is too much of a reality check for me.
As far as what I want to wear some day. I have a "dream" sweater and pair of old jeans hanging on my bedroom door (see attached pic) that I will someday wear. Hubby say he feels like he is at the Gap.
I also have a motivation journal and I cut out pics of outfits that fit the style of the thin me and I put them in my journal for motivation (see pics).
that is cool sandi that you do that. I went to the my virtual model last night and "went shopping" at HSN with her--the thin one. I found several outfits I really liked and saved them to my desktop. I'm not done "shopping" yet so when I get a few more I'm going to collage them all together and print them out for my motivation board.
Our real selves
--I'm a happily partnered girl, but even with her, no matter how much she tells me all the right things, and no matter how many ways she tries to show me how attractive she finds me, she just doesn't have it within her power to give me back that sense of power, that easy awareness. 
He has always loved me, encouraged me, supported me. Nothing has changed on his end as far as how he feels about me or how he treats me. If I could get better, do better, feel better just on his love alone, I would already be there! I am very grateful to have him in my life. I really look forward to the day that I reach my goal and can be everything *I* want to be for myself, and for us as a couple. I have a really hard time feeling like/being myself at this size. Although with him my guard is always down and I can relax. I have passed on party invites etc. because of my weight and that is really hard for him. I have been making the effort to attend more functions, take better care of myself and do the things that I want to do ( like changing my hair, getting tattooed or buying nice things just for me.) When I got tattooed recently, I almost felt like crying. It made me feel even closer to being "myself". To answer your question, Gina. Yes, it hurt, but not much. I got both of my wrists tattooed. One wrist has my birth last name with a small shamrock, and the other has my married last name with a small thistle. I have tattoos around my ankles and getting those hurt more than my wrists ( there I have morning glories, a heart with my husbands name on one ankle, and shamrocks, a claddagh and a heart that says "mom" on my other ankle.) My wrists were a big deal because they are visible tattoos ( my ankle tattoos are hidden because I always wear pants.) In some ways I don't like to draw attention to myself and in some ways I do.
