[si2017]

Hey ladies,

I have almost exactly 100 lbs to lose.

The last time I stepped on a scale was in July and I weighted 197, the higest weight I have ever been and I cried for about 3 days.

Since then, I know for a fact that the pants I wore in summertime dont fit anymore so I'm guessing I've fully crossed over into the 200s.

According to my height and BMI chart, my healthy weight is 105 - 110. Holy holy holy cow.

I am really overwhelmed trying to get this stuff right and there are a lot of emotional issues for me attached to my weight but I wanted to start someplace in a safe community and share my journey.

Where I am right now:

I have purchased a protein shake mix (getting a shaker bottle tonight)

I have purchased 1 month of Fitness 4 Mum classes (I'm the furthest thing form married or attached or a mum but they focus on the belly and subcutaneous fat....I need that a lot and the pricing is hella cheap! So the instructor let me in lol)

I have purchased a sports bra, 2 t shirts, 2 jumpers, 2 pairs of jogging leggings, 3 pairs of socks and superglued my trainers back together

I am looking at the Bulletproof Diet as a rough guideline and have purchased 1 week worth of food (mostly chicken, fish and lean beef. Tons of veggies, no processed carbs. It's arriving Tuesday morning)

I am planning to attend 1 free workout class per week offered from my community center

I want to eventually incorporate a quick jog in the mornings as well but...gonna work that one in slowly lol.

There are a lot of reasons for my weight loss: diabetes runs on my dad side, heart disease on my mother's. I have never been secure about my body, even when thin but I am more confident now (even this size) as a woman and would like my outside to match, part of it is career related, most of it is I AM GETTING STRETCH MARKS LIKE CRAZY NEW ONES POPPING UP EVERY DAY OMG OMG OMG OMG MAKE IT STOP THIS IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE...but also because I know there is a carb obsession thing that I'm not fully in control of and I want to be.

So, here I am.
Trying to take this all one day at a time. Maybe in a month I will get on the scale but for now it would do more harm to my motivation than good to see how far I am into the chubster zone.

Nice to meet you!

[cindyleigh]

It sounds like you are on the right track, although I am surprised your ideal weight is 105-110lb. What program do you use to calculate that?

[Liliann]

Hello....Good luck with your efforts!!! You can do it!!

[si2017]

@cindyleigh

Because of my newbie status the system won't let me post links.

That's balls...

But it's the BMI calculator at Weighing Success

[si2017]

@Liliann. Thanks very much for the encouragement!

[si2017]

Today's observations:

I'm in an area where getting groceries is a btch and a half so I'm waiting on my delivery.

In the mean time I baked up some chicken w potatoes and peppers that I'll be eating off of all day and then will be filling in w my protein shake.

Bought a ginormous water, will see how far I get on that. Ate an apple w some lamb for breakfast.

I should have jogged this morning but I straight up didn't because I'm on my period and sincerely couldn't be bothered to wake up and go into the cold with cramps.

Tomorrow is my group fitness class. I always look forward to it!

Attempting a bit of a 'menu plan' for cooking everything. We'll see how that goes.

Still feeling a bit overwhelmed but untangling and pressing forward one piece at a time.

[toastedsmoke]

It sounds like you're on your way, good luck! Keep going! I checked the Weighing-Success site you referenced and it said if you're small-framed and 5'4, a healthy weight for you would be 117-130 so you mayn't have to go as low as you thought for a target. In any case, as you say, one piece at a time. Well done getting started!!

[si2017]

Good morning!

Had some mental and emotional major struggles yesterday. I caught my reflection while I was working out and I just wanted to cry. Most of the time I avoid really seeing how far I've let myself go but I saw everything all bunched up as I went for an obliques curl and I was just so upset...so frustrated. Everything seems fruitless and how am I to keep going when I have so. much. distance. between where I am and my goal?

Also, I came home to find FRESH new stretch marks on the small flesh apron I seem to have developed. There are three of them on my right side and a new one on my left. I cried for a while. I'll be honest. I did. It's quite vain to do so and childish as well. But it really hurt me to see that.

So, this morning I am trying to count my blessings:

My general health is good.

I can move and jump and play!

I do have much joint pain because of being obese but it does not keep me from working and living and getting around the city to enjoy the winter air

I am blessed with the financial resources to eat healthy. Not luxuriously but with healthy lean meats and clean water and a lovely kettle for non-sugared tea

I am living in THE information age where it has never been easier for me to learn what I need to do to care for my body. To connect with beautiful, dynamic women who are doing the same (!!!) and to be inspired by all the lovely words of encouragement from so many fitness leaders.

I have a computer and electricity and wifi and shelter to indulge in said information age

I am alive and living in freedom and peace in my country.

My kindness and intelligence and business acumen and accomplishments ARE NOT AND HAVE NOT EVER BEEN dictated by my dress size. I am still me. At all sizes of my waist.

It is okay for me to want to improve. I have the freedom to choose what is best for my health and the appearance I want. But my life is not contingent upon how much material it takes to cover my *** in jeans

These are the types of things I am trying to focus on in this journey. I was grumpy as f'ck today before I ate my apple (sugar and carb dependency is a major issue for me) and I openly admit I cheated and put a heaping fat gob tablespoon of sugar in my tea. But it made me feel better and it's a far cry from my usual upset soother (2 fresh croissants, jam and a large mocha latte with extra dobs of sweet cream mmmmm). So I will call that progress!

I am sitting down today to make myself a small menu plan. It feels less overwhelming when I can wake up knowing how much time I'll need to spend in the kitchen preparing my meals.

Boy, this is an exercise in self reflection. A lot of feelings are bubbling up to the surface now that I do not reach for ice cream or use potato chips like a pacifier lol.

I am excited for this journey.

I am very scared.

I have no idea when it will feel like this is worth it.

I have no idea when I will no longer look away from myself in the mirror.

But I know that I am worth eating healthy and having exercise and being well. And that I am so lucky to have the resources and freedom to do so.

That's good enough for now, yeah?

Cheers.

[si2017]

@toastedsmoke
HOLY SMOKES I just saw your tracker. Major congrats on your journey. I'm sure you learned so many things along the way.

I am just now starting and appreciate you giving me a high five.

The 140s have always been my body's natural plateau. It's where I give up every single time. So my first major milestone will be working through there and then I'll start worrying about nitpicking 110 v 118 haha. It's all fantasy and faerie (low carb) candy from my vantage point here lol.

Thanks again for your support and wow it's inspiring to see someone who has come so far!

[si2017]

Today overall has been a much better day.

Moral of the story, never EVER skip dinner: There will be **** to pay.

I am adjusting much better to the sugar fast. I didn't get down on myself when I caved and had a 3 teaspoons (down from the 2 HEAPING tablespoons of yesterday) of pure sugar to take the edge off.

One step at a time.

Trying to get the knack of this eating every 2 hours thing. I find myself hungry just about on that schedule but it's been a pain in the *** trying to make sure I have nutrients available on demand.

Feeling super lucky that I have the ability to work near a decent refrigerator/hot water setup so I'm able to take care of food needs as they come up. It will be interesting figuring out what's a workable rhythm...

Exercise class today was good. We really, really focused on the bum. Tuesday it was upper body emphasis. It's overall going well.

STARTING IN ON THE JOGGING TOMORROW. Woot!

20 minutes total:
5 minute walk
10 minutes intensity sprints: 1 minute full out, 1 minute moderate pace
5 minute cool down

Next week's goals:

Step up my regular full body workouts from the 2x per week I've been keeping up into 3 by adding in a morning at the city open pool for laps. We'll see if that is something I want to do consistently.

Tackle this water thing. I'm gonna have to really stay close to home base because I hear horror stories about perma needing to pee during the transition as your body gets used to all the fluids. 134 OZ PER DAY (w...t...f) according to Slender Kitchen based on my (guesstimated) weight and activity level.

Beginning to consider when I want to get on the scale. Maybe at the end of January. I want to be far enough along that I won't have my feelings hurt by the number because I know me, I will be so disappointed and sad that I will want to stop. And knowing the number is a lot less important than continuing. I will see what my heart says about it all and think about it later when I am more comfortable. It's not about the number it is about lifestyle choices...for now

Really loving the festive decorations and peace of the winter. It's the most charming and nice that I have ever experienced.

...onward!

[si2017]

Jogging update:
That was a hilarious adventure. The interval sprints were a hoot and a half...for anyone who may have seen me do them lol. It is really hard to run for a minute straight! Today was a rocky start but gotta keep pushing.

Feeling really bulge-y and a bit self conscious today. Yesterday I felt great and noticed a bit of reduction of puffiness in my eyes and what appeared to be less dark circles (woot). This could be wishful thinking but hooray anyway.

Not really a lot of energy for marinating my beef for tomorrow but it will be lime spicy beef and I think I am going to make rice cakes as well and that is exciting!

[si2017]

This is the new interval setup I'm trying tomorrow because doing 1-1 (run/jog) straight out of the gate was WAY too much lol.

2 minute stretch
3 minute walk warmup
Jogging pace 2 minutes
Sprint: 30 seconds
(Repeat 5x)
3 minute walk cool down
2 minute stretch

I'm also looking for a good HIIT (intervals) app on my phone to set up a sequence with all of this in there because it was really distracting to keep pushing the countdown timer buttons. And also super cold on my thumb b/c I have to keep taking it out of my glove to do so! lol

Here's to first tries and improvement. Onward...

[si2017]

The app I'm going with is the free version of the Seconds app. They don't let you save any of your interval sets in the free version but its okay setting it up for the morning should be pretty easy.

I found sounds that I can hear over my music (it works even w everything in the background) and I'm excited to get rolling tomorrow!

[si2017]

Odd moment:

I only have a limited amount of fruit per day and today's was raspberries with the tiniest bit of sugar in it. I ate it and seriously feel like I've just had an orgasm.

Got a head rush and sense of warm euphoria from the sugar. I feel like mario when he meets up with one of those little stars.

That...can't be normal.
Loving the feeling. It's genuinely like I'm drunk and my pleasure chemicals are having a temporary bonanza but this is kinda weird.

Also, I was thinking and realized that the last time I did anything intentional or proactive about my health was over three years ago. I remember feeling really proud of myself then and I am feeling similar now. Sad that it took me so long but happy to be back on the wagon!

[si2017]

Still going strong!

The interval running went better...but I'm still not where I want to be.

The final verdict is


3 minute warmp

Intervals =
1 minute fastwalk
1 minute jog
30 second sprint

It's not ideal but the goal is to let this settle in for a week and then turn up the volume!

I am CONSTANTLY hungry. Eating every 2 -3 hours but the time in between is so hella!

Maybe it's my imagination but my belly seems a little less huge this week. It could be totally my imagination.

Today marks Day 1 of drinking the recommended water amount. I have had to pee 12 times and it's not even the full afternoon yet.

I will be going to my friend's family home for Christmas and very nervous about proper food prep but she is very supportive and chill so I think it will be fine.

Hooray!