Everytime I think of how much I need to lose, I have to keep myself from crying. It's so daunting. Right now my goal is 160, which still puts me into an overweight BMI category. If I lose 130 pounds, I will still be overweight. And I have never managed to lose more than about 20-30 pounds. What makes this time so different? I am meeting with a RD since it's covered by my insurance and starting therapy for my BED/bulimia, but failure is just so engrained in me. Any tips on how to beat this mindset and finally lose the weight?
I honestly have had to completely change my mindset. While I am aiming to lose weight, this journey is more about a lifestyle change for me, and getting healthy. Weight loss is kind of a happy side effect of that.
I also really had to focus on the one day at a time mentality. Consciously remind myself of it. Third factor was finding a diet and exercise routine that works for me. Diet was important.. it had to be something I could do, where I didn't feel restricted, and that I could continue doing for maintenance. It wasn't just to lose weight.
The mental battle was by far the hardest. I did yo-yo dieting, high calorie restrictions, bingeing/purging, and even working out until I made myself throw up (which ended up developing an aversion to exercise for a good bit). Ultimately my attitude towards food and myself had to completely change. That took over a decade for me (along with finally getting on some depression medication), but now that I'm there I'm slowly losing and happier overall.
If I focus only on the weight loss portion, and think of how long it's going to take me to get down to my goal weight when I only lose about 1lb a week, then I do get a little bit down.. I've even broken down in tears to boyfriend about how I just don't want to be fat anymore (usually after someone makes some sort of rude comment, I'm thin skinned). However, I don't let those episodes deter me.. I have to get the crying out, and then focus on how healthy I'm making myself now, even if all the weight doesn't come off. I also like to browse through the goal and mini-goal forums to see all the people who've lost all that weight, some more than me, some less.
I've only been on this site two months, so I may not be the best example of a huge success.. but that's pretty big for me. Most my other diets lasted a week or two, never more than a month, and I always felt horrible during. That feeling isn't there this time.. I don't hate myself.. and I think that's honestly made the biggest difference.
Celebrate EVERY SINGLE pound lost so you can look at how far you've come, not how far you have to go. And break it up. 5 or 10 pound incremements not 100 pounds from the get go.
I started out with 160+ to lose. I simply focus on getting below the next 10 pound mark, meaning when the middle number changes. I celebrated mightily when I got below 280.
And when you're getting down about your progress (and I've done this, too) look at how much you've lost, and go find something of a comparable weight and pick it up. Show your self that though you've got a long road ahead, you've made an excellent start. 30 pounds is no joke when it's no longer on your body.
Also, don't rely on the scale alone. Take pictures and measurements of your progress because sometimes the scale doesn't move, but other things do and it helps to see progress in any way possible when you think you're working hard for nothing. Those half inches add up!
everytime I think of how much I need to lose, I have to keep myself from crying. It's so daunting. Right now my goal is 160, which still puts me into an overweight BMI category. If I lose 130 pounds, I will still be overweight. And I have never managed to lose more than about 20-30 pounds. What makes this time so different? I am meeting with a RD since it's covered by my insurance and starting therapy for my BED/bulimia, but failure is just so engrained in me. Any tips on how to beat this mindset and finally lose the weight?
You have got this, I swear!!!! I really understand where you are coming from. Between 1991 and 2009 I gained every single year, binged all the time, got horrifically out-of-shape, went from a size 12 to a size tight 26, and NEVER EVER managed to stay on a weight loss plan for long enough to lose more than about 10-12 pounds. Then in 2009, I found 3FC and over the course of just over a year, I lost 110 pounds and also drastically improved my fitness level. Right now, I'm struggling with shedding a regain, but luckily, I've never gone back to my high weight of 295, I've never gotten as out-of-shape, and I've never felt quite so helpless as I did when I started.
You have a big advantage over me, because if I had been smart I would have dealt with my own binge issues right up front instead of waiting until I was tackling a regain to finally face up to my issues.
But, the main thing that worked for me was being here and finding all the support that comes from talking daily to people who completely get where you are coming from.
One of the BIGGEST AND MOST IMPORTANT things I can tell you is that it is not at all important to focus on your long-term goal of being skinny. When you start with a BMI above 40 (mine was 46 at one point) the quality of your life gets way way way way better LONG before you get anywhere near your goal. You start to feel better in a million ways as soon as you start to master not feeling out-of-control with your eating.
That has been my biggest and most important insight.
My second biggest insight is that there are a million different ways to approach weight loss and you should be able to find one that feels comfortable for you, like a celebration of feeling better instead of a stint in prison as punishment for being fat. I learn new things every single day from my friends at 3FC. From what I can tell, no doctor, no therapist, no diet book, nothing comes close to the collective wisdom of a bunch of determined fat ladies (and gentlemen) figuring it out together.
I think that's why I put off losing the weight as long as I did. I am often overwhelmed with the desire to send my former self a thank you card for starting when I did. I know that sounds silly, but its true.
Thanks everyone! It's so nice to have a support group I can come to when things get bad. Trust me, I will be posting a LOT, even if it just to come here and whine about how I hate this process .
Last edited by TreatYoSelf; 10-29-2014 at 05:13 PM.
i am about the same place as you are and every 10 pounds i reward myself with something very small. once i hit 25 then i reward with something a bit bigger. once i hit 100 lost then basically a shopping spree. take it all in small increments and reward yourself(not with food-i used to make that mistake). focus on drinking lots of water and eating more frequent small meals and the weight loss takes care of itself. throw in some cardio and free weights and you'll be amazed how quickly you'll lose. good luck
It's definitely not hopeless. When I started this journey in 2009, I had NO clue what was possible. In fact, I had been obese all my life, I had know knowledge of myself not being obese or over 200 lbs. I set a goal of 165, but it was arbitrary. I kind of told myself I just couldn't carry on the way I was and that even if I never made goal, at least I would be lighter than I was.
Don't look at the end goal of 160. Make smaller mini-goals. I highly recommend setting 5-lb mini goals and rewarding yourself in some way each time you hit a mini-goal. It could be with a manicure or a lipstick or an app or a book or a game- whatever you're into. If you check the Chicks Up For A Challenge section, they do 5-lb challenges that I used to find really helpful.
Join challenges, 160 lbs is such a random number that at this point in your journey probably doesn't mean anything in real terms. Maybe it's intimidating to lose 130 lbs but probably less so to lose 5 or 10 lbs. You yourself have said you can lose 20-30 lbs. Know that if you can lose one 20-30 lbs, then you can definitely lose another. What has gone wrong in the past, that made you regain, think about it and discuss it on here and try to find a solution.
Finally, the truth is we're mostly all here to lose weight. But that in itself is not a goal enough to keep one going when things get rough. Find other motivations than numbers on the scale, maybe set fitness goals that have to do it distance or speed or strength. Commit to being on plan for maybe 30 days. Then at the end of that commit to another 30 days and so on. Don't make this journey solely about weight loss. You want to be a healthy person irrespective of your weight- set markers that reflect this. The weight loss will come.
The past doesn't matter and really even if it did, you didn't fail in the past because you're still here now and still trying. What matters is now. You never know if this is your time unless you go for it. What do you have to lose? Don't let the negative voices keep you down, the fact that you're here trying, shows you're strong and can do this.
And also, treatYoself, please come vent here whenever you need to. You need to see my whiney posts from when I first joined 3FC. Beyond mortifying- most of them cries for help for strangers to make me put the trigger food down. And they did. 3FC is awesome. Please stick around and keep posting whenever you need help or advice or just to be pulled off the edge.
Last edited by toastedsmoke; 10-30-2014 at 10:14 AM.
I was feeling just like that when I started on Sept 22nd this year. And I still even feel that way sometimes. I used to binge eat PRETTY bad. I used to live with my parents a year ago and they have always been obsessed with my weight so there have never been sweets or chips at home. I would literally go to the store and buy TONS of food (specially when I got sad and depressive) and seat down to eat.
I moved out, and I actually stopped binge eating as bad. I switched to eating what I wanted, when I wanted it. Naturally xD I kept putting weight on.
I am sick of myself, I am sick at not being able to wear what I want, and to struggle finding clothes, I am sick of not feeling comfortable with little or no clothes. But mostly I am sick of hating myself. I have tried COUNTLESS diets before and failed every time.
I do feel this time is different. I mean I am on my 6th week (which I know it's not that much) and this is the longest I have been on a weight loss journey.
So Why? Why is it different? I don't feel restrained. I eat what I want when I want. I just switched to healthier options and controlled portions. I am AWARE of what I eat because I keep track of everything. I eat healthier yes, but if I ever want a chocolate I have it (a mini version of it) or if I want cake I look up a healthier recipe and make it in a coffee mug.
The truth is up to the 3rd week of my journey I would be SO anxious and I'd start crying because I wanted to reach my goal NOW and there was SO much weight to lose. After the 3rd week it got better. Also, I kept repeating myself, the time is going to go by anyway. Next year will come along, whether I eat healthier or not, whether I exercise or not... So do I want to look the same and feel the same (or worse) or be happy and regain my self confidence and worth (and yes shed those pounds along the way)?
So yes! The journey is LONG, but would you rather sit and do nothing and be i the same spot next year? Or would you rather DO something about it! I mean think about this: in 1-2 months time (which will go faster than you realize now) you will have lost some weight and the journey will be smaller!
Take it one day at the time! I mean I am on my 6th week and it does not feel like it has been that long. I feel better (YES, STILL WAYS TO GO!!) and I look at myself at the mirror and I don't really see much of the difference, but I know I am closer than before, 17.9 lbs closer to be precise!
If you need to talk or something, message me
Good Luck
At my highest I had 200 lbs. to reach goal! Now I am only 104.8 from my goal weight, that makes me very happy. Sometimes when the number is over 100 it seems daunting like you'll never get there, but you will if you keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have to believe in yourself, and desire it enough to not let ANYTHING get in your way.
Look up success stories, my favorites are on Youtube (Divaslimsdown who lost nearly 200 lbs. , WeightWatcherGirl1 who lost over 160, Kimberlyuhles1 who lost over 100 lbs. from a start weight of 309 , the list goes on) if they can do it, so can we. You have to dedicate yourself to change, and the thing that Divaslimsdown taught me was do it for your health, that has made this almost easy for me (not saying I haven't had rough days because I have, and have talked about them here, but I keep going). Don't worry about the end weight so much, give your body what it needs to be healthy, and the rest will follow I promise you. I wish you the absolute best in your journey I look forward to seeing your progress! <3
Thanks for the support, it will come a long way in this process! To answer a few of the questions:
I set my goals and minigoals based on what I think I can achieve but still be a challenge. Personally I find it most effective when I hit the "sweet spot" of something being manageable, but still challenging. It's not about being a robot nor is the numerical goal the end-all, be-all. I have other goals that are not related to a number on the scale that are more personal and not something I felt comfortable putting in my signature.
As far as my mindset goes, that is why I am working so hard with a therapist and nutritionist to manage my eating disorder. So much of this journey is mental too that I really want to address that aspect as well. Again, I'm not broadcasting my more personal goals as much as the numerical ones because they are more personal, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
My plan involves focusing on calorie counting without separating foods into "bad" or "good". If I want pizza, I will eat pizza. But instead of buying pizza, I will make it at home with lots of veggies and whole wheat crust and less cheese so I can maximize the calories and stay within my calorie limits. I'm also upping my exercise in an effort to raise my HDL cholesterol (all my bloodwork is healthy, but the HDL could be higher) and lower my blood pressure.
Hope that helps elucidate some of my goals for you all!
qksolavei I loved your post. I may copy it and print it out! Good word.
This time around my goal has been LESS
Not really a number (though the ticker wants one) but less weight, worry, pain, anger and negativity. In the past I would set myself up for failure by calculating myself into a corner. When I didn't get there and let's face it who could considering the goals I was setting I'd stop. Stop dieting, stop caring until the next time I decided enough was enough.
This time I measure progress differently. My weight loss has slowed since the beginning of the year, but I feel good. I'm reaching all of my goals for less.
It seems hopeless
