[Kat1188]

I am new to overeaters and this site. I need to lose at least 100 pounds. I am disgusted with myself and am often depressed. I know I need to eat better and exercise. I just can't seem to stop eating. I literally look forward to mealtime. I place way too much pleasure in food or something. I don't know how to stop and I am afraid I will never be happy with my reflection. Just looking for initial advice or support?

[luckymommy]

Welcome Kat1188! I'm in OA as well and I've been on this site for a long time. I can't tell you what to do or feel, so all I can do is share my experience, strength and hope, as they say in OA.

First, I try to focus on one day at a time. Thinking of how I'll feel and worrying about results doesn't help. Rather than focus on results, just focus on action and leave the rest to your Higher Power.

Do you have a Sponsor? It's important to put together a food plan. Have you figured out your red light, yellow light and green light foods?

When I can't stop thinking about meals, I read my OA literature, make phone calls to other members...in other words, use the tools.

There's so much to learn from the program...it's so much more than about the food. I'm an addict and I have a monster in my brain that can make me very unhappy. Embracing OA has helped me a great deal and I'm so much happier, even though I still have all the same problems that I had before in my life (except for the weight).

Sending you lots of hugs.

[Kat1188]

Thank you for the encouragement! I have no sponsor and have not done or figured anything out. I went to one OA meeting and felt really awkward. Probably the most difficult part is that my husband is also an overeater, but has a "screw it, who cares" attitude. I think it is easier for guys to not worry how they look as much. Even on days when I am doing well, often he will want to eat something bad or "splurge" for dinner and he talks me into it. It sounds weak, but he knows how to talk me into a mindset where in the moment, he makes me not worry about how I look because he loves me regardless, etc. so I end up saying "screw it, I will eat healthy tomorrow". However, I ALWAYS feel sooo bad and guilty afterward. It is like a cycle. I want to be confident and feel good and pretty for myself, as well as him, but in the moment I don't want to disappoint him either. Ahh!

[luckymommy]

I'm sorry you weren't crazy about your first meeting. Keep in mind that every meeting has its own ambiance and it might take some time for you to find the one that feels right to you. I hope you will still continue to go because OA can really change your life.

I have a husband who is also a food addict, so I can relate. However, my husband will binge in front of me but he doesn't try to take me down with him. The addicts mind can play so many tricks on itself. We lie to ourselves and to others...even those we love...it's just part of addiction. Another part is that we try to control others, even if we have the best intentions.

Can you have a heart to heart talk with your husband and ask him to be more supportive of your goals? He doesn't have to change himself (in OA we lead by example and we don't pressure anyone to do anything), but certainly, it would be helpful if he let you make your own choices. Ultimately, you're responsible for yourself. It might help if you start each day by reading some OA literature. A good one is For Today. It's a tiny book and you just read the part that has today's date on it. Don't worry about any other day...only today. If he offers you something and you want it, tell yourself you can have it another day (if you think that might help), but today, you will be abstinent.

It's so important for you to find a sponsor. If you see someone speak at a meeting, you might want to see if they will sponsor. Another way to find someone is via the phone meetings. They will usually announce sponsors. I highly recommend it.

In the meantime, I highly recommend you make a list of foods that are red light foods. The ones you can't manage at all. For most OA members, it's foods that have sugar and flour. I have made all those foods completely off limits. It's incredibly hard at first. I thought without those foods, my life would be terrible but the absolute truth is that my life is so much better without those foods.

Yellow light foods are ones that you can handle but you need to measure in order to not go overboard. For me, that's rice, potatoes, quinoa, oil/dressings etc.

Green light foods for me are veggies, although corn is a yellow light.

Anyway, I don't think you can send me private messages yet because you don't have enough posts on here yet, but once you can, feel free because I might miss something you post...although I will try to check here soon.

Hugs!

[Kat1188]

Thank you for the kind words. What would an average day of food look like for you when you first started losing weight?
I get what you're saying about me doing my own thing regardless of my husband. I am totally responsible for being weak. It is so hard when someone is doing what you want to do right in front of your face lol.
Do you ever let yourself eat your favorite foods? Or have you just made them off limits forever?

[luckymommy]

"I am totally responsible for being weak."

First, I hope it's ok if I address this statement. It seems like you're blaming yourself. OA takes the blame away. You wouldn't blame someone for having Cancer and the same is true here. We are addicts and that is not a moral issue. We're not weak or bad or any other negative term. This is not something we have asked for and would never wish upon anyone. So I hope it's ok that I made this long comment about it. I have also had these types of self judging statements and I actually felt very free when I read Step 1 in the OA 12 step book: 12 steps and 12 traditions of Overeaters Anonymous. I highly recommend you read it if you get a chance. Perhaps you can find it for free online but they should sell it for a small fee at some of the meetings.

I don't let myself eat the foods I can't manage. I do have favorite foods that are yummy and don't lead me to a place I really don't want to go to...the place were I binge and my life feels out of control. I feel so much better that even though there are times when I get terrible cravings, I know that one bite is never enough. I have the disease of more. I just want more and more and more so it's best if I never take that first bite.

That said, I have had a relapse where I went down that road and now I"m getting myself back. I don't know if I"ll have sugar and flour again, but I do know that I won't have it today.

Ok, so everyone is different, but I'm very happy to share a typical day of my food plan. It's not exactly how others would eat but I just like weird stuff.

Breakfast: (I try to postpone breakfast to 9am)

1/2 cup quick oats, cinnamon, stevia for sweetness, but some people will cut up a banana or 1/2 banana

Lunch:

Salad with protein like chicken or fish. OA recommends 6 oz. of protein but since measuring gets me into my restrictive thinking (which isn't healthy), I just have about 2 scoops of protein

Snack:

A lot of people don't snack and some have an optional snack. I do snack although I was able to go without a snack when I first started.

1 container of Fage Greek 0% fat yogurt with celery and salsa or with 1 gluten free, sugar free wrap. Or I will have a handful of pistachios and an apple.

Dinner:

1 plate of food that is either salad with protein and a bowl of soup that i've made (I love making split pea soup...it's so easy and tastes great...let me know if you want the recipe) or last night I had baked chicken with baked eggplant. The point is that it's one plate of food. No seconds.

That's it. There were times I wanted to eat so bad and I was climbing the walls so I just chewed gum or I let myself have a fruit, but usually I was able to say, don't worry, your next meal is coming. You will not die.

It helps to read the OA literature or call someone or meditate.

I hope you've found this helpful. Sending you hugs.