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Old 07-07-2014, 04:24 PM   #31
Wannabeskinny
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by owlsteazombies View Post
No. I'm talking about not caring about food when you go out. Going so far as to spit out food instead of swallowing the one bite. Those are what sent out the alarm bells and red flags in my mind.

I didn't care because I knew I wasn't going to eat it. I would pick at meals, pretend to be "full". I would split things because I knew my husband would eat more than me if I deliberately ate slow enough. I skipped appetizers because of the calories.

I'm just wondering if you're not subconsciously restricting is all
You were actually talking about me . No, I'm not restricting. I buy food, order food, etc. I'm jut full quickly. And when I say that I'm calm about it and uninterested in it it means that I'm not counting our basket of French fries and making sure he's not eating my share. I mean that I am genuinely not afraid that we haven't ordered enough food for the table.

My anxious food self is always worried he'll eat my portion. That my 3 yr old will want some of my food and that I won't want to share. I have eaten meals before meals because I'm worried that the food won't be enough. I can't split a pizza with anyone because the toppings have to be to my exact specifications. This type of anxiety is gone. Oh the waitress forgot to bring me my soup? No biggie, I'm fine without it. No more fries left? That's ok. My son decides that my sandwich looks good? Here, have half. It's like I finally realize that the food is enough and even if it isn't I can order more if necessary - which I have done many times. I spit the food out because I are it by accident, distractedly as we chatted and my body didnt want it. I wasn't restricting, I just happened to hear my body say "no thanks I'm full".

Locke well done. I hope you enjoyed your vacation. Sounds like it was a bug success.
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"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth
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