clarity uncertainty predictability hostility efficacy
3fatchicks tells me I was last here on the 1st of July. 4 days ago. I can say that every day I was going to post but it is only now that I *am* posting. It's been a jam-packed few days. Highlights include installing the garden gate I have been working on with my client for a year. After I had completed the panels we tried to install it a week or so ago and he needed to find a soluion to the twisting of the hinges in the cedar post. Seemed a very tough problem--it required the welding of a plate to the hinge bolt and then sinking that ever-so-precisely into the post. It worked though and so I was there two days of of this last four helping attach the panels to the structural supports. The first time we had to stop as it was going to pour and I had to go tour the local long term care facility. That morning I had to make sure I had work going into the kiln as well. A full day. And then I really just wanted to get that gate up so I made time yesterday to get the panels onto the second structural support and then made a bit more time to make sure the latch go installed. It was a case of "building on the fly" and of, often, having to do things twice before it was right. As a result I have another few hours of gate touch ups and of painting the title of the gate and the names of the artist(s) on it as well. Primeval Chatter is the title. I'm attaching a picture of the gate for you, both sides. The muted colours are the original 8yr artist's colours. The bright colours are my own choices. There were two panels cut by my client and I painted them, both sides, to be as close to exactly the same as you (I) can do. I have to say, it was a *tremendous* feeling of satisfaction to have the gate installed, and then to open and to close it with a definitive "clack". My client was beaming. So great.
The toughest was an evening visit to my mom's where she seemed overly grateful to have any visitor at all and then she also seemed fairly with it that night, but very ground down, very tired. She said she had walked all day and I am sure she had, and again I went there to discover they had not bothered to put a bra on her. WTF? really? It's very depressing to me that they don't bother. So we chatted, and she seemed more lucid than at other times and as she was opening her door for me, to walk me to the lobby (she always insists) she opened the door and said "After you, your Majesty." And she looked at me and smiled. This one mischievous statement has so messed me up I can't tell you. It's one thing to be always prepared for the worst, for more decline, for less function, for more fear, for a worsening of physical abilities, but humour? Sarcasm? I thought "OMG am I sending her to a worse place, this long term care place? Does she REALLY belong there? How come nobody knows this side of her here?" There seems to be a distinct lack of connection with my mother there. The whole thing messed me up so bad that after I went to my studio to drop my rent off (late) I drove home and once through the door realized I had to go back to the studio as I had no idea whether I locked the door there or not and the thought of losing my studio because I neglected to lock the door and something bad happened, well I couldn't even begin to hold that thought. So, completely exhausted and like a hollow shell, I told DH I had to go back and check the door. He ended up driving me and I cried the whole way, eventually telling him my fear of what bad thing we might be doing to our mother and wailing about why no one puts a bra on her and how can that be?
DH reminded me they do not want her there anymore and find her to be too much trouble. I did go see the Long term care place and I actually liked it. I am getting used to these environments though I have to say. But the staff seemed happy. Like everywhere they seemed happy and chatty and friendly. It's a big place, which I want as the potential for a friend is greater with more people to choose from. My mom really needs a friend. At this place the whole building is locked so unless she is "banging at the door to get out" she won't be on the secured floor. She is allowed in the other areas to roam at will. The rooms are big, the private room, which she can afford, is larger than what she has now, even in the older cinderblock constructed area-the least desirable section. The waiting list is short-0-3months and for a semi-private or private room it is the shortest. My sister is coming to take the tour of this place with me next week-plus three others (or is that two?) if she likes it then I suspect my mother will be in there before the end of August, maybe by the end of this month. I will be glad to see her there but am very unhappy about having her move. Oh well.
Foodwise I've walked alot but it was DH's birthday and so we ate treats. More than once. I've decided to count carbs once my sister leaves. For now I will be on maintenance mode and will be happy to be in the 275-279 range. With all this happening, I'm calling that a success. I'll ask more of myself soon.
Enjoy your day Coaches.
5lbs at a time.
RESTART:19/1/2015 - 284.8lbs