[Meg]

I thought it might be interesting to talk some more about body image and what we see when we look in the mirror (or don't look in the mirror). What did we see when we were heavy? What do we see now? What would we like to see? How do we perceive our bodies?

For me, when I was heavy, I wouldn't look at anything below my neck in a mirror. I didn't have to acknowledge how big I was that way -- deep, deep denial. I'd deliberately turn my eyes away from mirrors in department stores but can remember being horrified at what I saw if I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself.

It was traumatic when I first walked into a gym because there were mirrors everywhere -- I couldn't escape. But I'd do exercises in front of the mirrors and still not look at myself -- I'd close my eyes or look away. One day, after I had lost maybe 80 pounds, my trainer grabbed me by the shoulders and made me look at myself -- he said "watch your muscles work -- they're beautiful". And oh my God, I looked at my arms while I was doing bicep curls and they were amazing. I couldn't believe it was me. That moment was such a revelation to me and started me getting back in touch with my own body.

What have you all experienced with your image of your body? Do you feel in touch with your body or is it an "enemy"? Are you proud of how you look? Self-conscious? Do you think you really "see" yourself as others do? Thoughts?

[Mel]

I see different things based on the situation, my mood, activity. Unfortunately, mostly at home when I get undressed, I see my stomach and get depressed. Then I try to look at my quads or arms or back, all which look pretty darn good. But I have to say that my eyes immediately go to the 1 part that I can't seem to do anything about.

In the gym, I look at the muscles I'm working and I like what I see. Especially with a good pump going in the arms or legs!

In a dressing room trying on clothes, I'm back to my stomach unless it's something without a waist. Again, my legs and upper bod look good to me although there's always room for improvement.

I know I've posted this before, but when my stomach makes me too miserable or depressed, I haul out that old size 16 pair of jeans, try them on, and I feel much better!

Before losing the weight, I was in complete denial about my size unless I was clothes shopping. I still think dressing rooms are somehow engineered to make everyone look as bad as possible, but I haven't cried in one for a while

Mel

[jiffypop]

oy!!!! meg... ya couldn't have asked something easy like what's it gonna take to keep peace in the middle east????/

when i was heavy, i didn't look at anything but my face, but i'd never EVER look myself right in the eye when looking in the mirror. i still don't look at anything but my face. unless forced into it, like when clothes shopping with the personal shopper [she has a private dressing room with a triple mirror and a platform, and she MAKES ME GET ON THE PLATFORM AND ACTUALLY LOOK!!!! good thing she's very nice and kind!!!

since i know i'm not doing at all well with LOOKING at my body, i've been trying to start with the SENSATIONS of my body. right now, i love how strong my legs are. i can feel the muscles moving. and i'm amazed that i can do 20 pound bicep curls with freeweights. and ab crunches at 50 pounds.

and i've made it an absolute, no cancellation allowed massage appt every other week. again, taking care of myself. getting used to the sensations.

soooooo... let's just wonder: just how numb can a person feel and for how long????

the ice is breaking... i'm just trying to make it a controlled, gentle process...

[Ilene]

Great ideam Meg, as usual, and I'm going to try to answer your questions..... But please bear in mind I'm not a deep person, I don't go there, where I don't like the answers often, if ever...

Depending on the time and place I have different feelings...

In the gym, when I'm alone I feel good about myself, until someone petite stands beside me, then I feel like an amazon! And that's because of the W I D E back!... Honestly I really don't like it, but I am more accepting of it because, it is, I know unique... Like Mel said "Embrace the pain", well I am "embracing the look" that is unique to me... Mel you have no idea how I have "embraced" many things since you've said that... and even the "pain"...But then bodybuilders do love "pain" don't we? Years ago before bodybuilding, I refused to undress with the lights on in front of DH... Now, well I don't LOVE it but I endure it, and now will "embrace it", cause it's me...

As I get older I'm disliking more my face and wrinkles than my body... A few months ago I hated shopping for pants because of the size 14 going on 16 but refusing to buy a 16...Now it's down to 10-12 so I'm very happy with that... I have cried in dressing rooms....why is the lighting so terrible and the mirrors tooooooo? You'd think they'd make them good in order to sell more clothes...

When I was younger, I really disliked my body... I don't really know why because I was not big from the pictures I see now, I say to myself "wish I were that size now!"...
It wasn't my parents who made me feel big I had an aunt who had a way with words who would make me feel like a "two ton tony" when I would come back from visiting my cousin... My mom would be so angry with my aunt because for days I would call myself fat.... So today I always encourage my teens to eat healthy, altho they think their mom is a Health FREAK!! And D when she saw my progress colage, said: "MOM!! that's scary!!" I have it as my background, so she sees it often... Well I tell her it's a reminder for me to stay on track...

What would I like to see, in 3 years, a 50 year old woman who looks 40... and healthy...

Anyways I am making this much much longer that I ever thought I could, I just hope it makes any sense to anyone

Later all...

[healthykelly03]

Seriously, I dislike looking in the mirror at all. To me, I still see a 245 pound woman. A size 24/26 woman. Rolls! I hate my stomach ... hanging skin and flab everywhere. I still need to lose another 10 to 15 pounds (or so the weight charts tell me, at least) but to me I look as huge as I ever did. Ok maybe not AS big, but still overweight. Still .... ugly. I definitely feel ugly in the nude. In clothing, I feel a little better, but sometimes I still feel like my 'rolls' are hanging out. My arms are awful as well ... I feel like I could flap away when I lift them. It's really depressing to have lost so much weight, but not be able to enjoy yourself in your new body. Here I am a size 8/10, but still can't wear a tank top. :sigh:

Yes guys, I have issues.

On the bright side, I do have some pretty awesome muscles underneath the saggy skin!

Kelly

245/142/135-125ish

[Ilene]

Kelly -- Just a ? for you... Do you weight train?

[boiaby]

Even with all of my wrinkley, saggy skin I still like what I see now much better compared to before. But it is hard to accept how much the skin gets in the way and holds me back. I know I would probably weigh at least 10 pounds less without it and probably be able to fit into a size 6 if it weren't for my tummy. I do see a much healthier woman now, and I really do like to look in the mirror sometimes just because it's such a drastic change. All in all I'd say the mirror is definetly more my friend now.

Beverly

[Tig]

When I wore a size 14 but should have been wearing a size 16 or so, I'd go into a dressing room and was shocked at how fat I looked and how ill-fitting the clothes were, especially across my belly. I naturally blamed the poor lighting, bad designers and cheap mirrors. So I quit shopping and consistently avoided all mirrors. And cameras. It was extremely difficult to find a picture of me for a 'before' picture. Cameras are first cousins to mirrors.

So now I'm in a smaller size. I still don't shop if I can help it - the store mirrors might still be there. Thank goodness my daughter-in-law gave me clothes as she lost weight because I was getting complaints from coworkers about my baggie pants. When I happen to see myself in the mirror at home (a mirror that was on the wall when we bought the house) in my standard off-work sweatpants and t-shirt, I'm shocked that my gut is missing. I haven't got to the nekkid part yet - I'll have to get back to you on that.

[davoswoman]

I usually like what I see when I have clothes on. Except lately I have gained a few pounds back and my clothes are a little snug.
I still hate what I see in the mirror when naked. I have a hard time realizing I look any different now at 225 than I did at 400. I have a picture and I know in reality that I am so much smaller, but my mind plays games with me.

Crazy how our past stays with us.

[boiaby]

I am always freezing now! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Beverly

[mthrgoos68]

I'm not at goal yet, but I'm always FREEZING!! I just can't get warm and I'm actually looking forward to summer!

[diphthong]

When I look in the mirror, I see a body that is still in the process of change, and it changes from day to day, it seems. I do see a younger looking face and have refound my cheekbones, but because of my age, I'm constantly worried about the wrinkles and sags. From what I see, the wrinkles are deeper because they aren't puffed out any more with fat and water retention bloat. The sag could be much worse, I suppose. The best part I like to look at is my flatter butt, now that the "booty shelf" is gone.

Like Jack, I like to watch my body now. When I row or use the leg press, I am amazed at my legs because it wasn't that long ago they were so fat. I like to flex my arms and see the biceps. I like my straighter shoulders and spine that once could barely hold up the rest of me. I like my straight posture. I like the way I look in clothes more than how I look nekkid.

I look forward to how I answer this same question 6 months from now.

And I have raised the thermostat from 68 to 71-72, and wear more clothes.

dip

[tikanique]

For me, mirrors are big liars. When I look in the mirror, I don't "see" that I'm adding back on 10, 15, 20, 30 pounds. I see a size 10 person. Even when I was pregnant with each of my kids, when I looked in the mirror, I would see a person that was barely showing (I was 200 pounds with each and I'm only 5'2). The only eye-opener for me is pictures. I'm always snapping pictures, but never get them developed so this isn't a big issue either until someone else gives me pic of myself and then I am like DANG who is this person in my clothes with all that meat hanging everywhere?

I don't wish I dissatisfied with my body, but I do wish that when I looked in a mirror, my mind would tell me the truth and say Tiki, you are getting too big, instead of Tiki, you got it going on. Maybe if that happened, I wouldn't yo-yo so much and with such large amounts of weight.

Tiki.

[jiffypop]

tiki. darlin. gotta tell you. no matter what your size.. no matter what you're telling yourself, or what your mirror is saying, you have a smile that lights up the entire country.

[diphthong]

Tiki, it was a photo of myself that was the eye opener for me too. At 248, when I looked in the mirror, I thought I didn't look as bad as I really did. I thought I was slick by covering it up with cute baggy clothes and perfect hair and make-up.

And I agree with Jif - you do have a radiant smile.

dip