Trying not to judge
I found myself struggling not to judge someone the other day and it felt yucky. I found a nearby park where they offer FREE tai chi classes every Sunday morning. I have been practicing chi gong on my own for about 6 months and I love it so I thought this would be a great opportunity to do something similar in a beautiful park (I've seen yoga classes conducted there before and it's a beautiful setting, on the grass under the trees right next to the river!).
So I set out there as a Mother's Day activity for myself last weekend. I waited by the river for everyone to arrive and saw that they weren't coming. Then I realized that the tai chi class had already started on the other side of the park, in the sun, right next to the highway..... uhm, ok, not the spot I was looking forward to but oh well let's go check this class out.
The instructor was very welcoming. I was a little surprised that it was a very obese older gentleman with a long beard dressed a bit like a Harley rider. But ok, let's go with it, I'm not a judgemental person, right? So he starts explaining what tai chi is, where it was founded, who the founder of this particular type of tai chi was, etc. Fine, all good. Then he keeps talking and talking and talking and I'm starting to get irritated, I'd like to DO something. He shows us a move and then has to explain all the philosphy behind this one little movement. Meanwhile he keeps saying "just watch, don't try this, just watch" which again was frustrating to me. I'm not the type of learner that can just sit still and watch motion without doing it. So then he'd let us do the movement and then he'd talk more - existential stuff and too many personal details. I think he just wanted to hear himself talk. Then he'd take an extraordinary amount of time to explain variations on a movement in order to accommodate a very large beer belly as he referred to it. Ok, none of us in the class have a beer belly except him, why do we need to talk for 10 minutes on how to vary this pose to accommodate our beer belly if we don't have one?
I was getting really bored and restless standing still for so long and the sun was beating down hard on us but I kept saying to myself "don't walk out, finish what you started, you will get something out of this!" Eventually I asked someone to me what time it was and it was 20min past the time the class was supposed to end. My son and hubby were waiting for me to take me to brunch so I just left. Then I felt bad but what could I do? It wasn't working out. I felt really sorry for the guy, maybe he was lonely and this was his only opportunity to be around people? But the class sort of sucked and I didn't get the point of it after all eventhough my mind was wide open to it.
Sorry for the rant, but I guess the point is, do you find it odd that someone very obese is teaching a martial art class?
"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth