I understand how you can feel depressed, angry and want to hate yourself for allowing things to get out of hand; but, the best thing you can do is NOT punish yourself and accept that if you want to turn it around, you can. Plus you have this site to vent when it gets tough or to find helpful tips or to share the small victories that are bound to come.
Everyone here does different things in their journey to drop pounds and you'll find what works for you. Maybe the first thing won't work, but the second one might so you have to keep trying and instead of hating yourself, give yourself some love for TRYING. As long as you keep trying, you're going to improve. Maybe you'll lose a few pounds, or maybe you'll get stronger, or maybe you'll do both. Just don't get discouraged. It's taken me a couple of decades to get to my own highest weight so I know it isn't going to reverse in a hot second and I know it will be hard at times. But I can do it - AND SO CAN YOU. If you stumble, shake it off and try again.
Good luck on your journey - you're not alone