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Old 05-05-2014, 09:19 AM   #31
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Join Date: May 2011
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Originally Posted by Fiona W View Post
Sorry I didn't check in yesterday: I have been working very long hours on the BERP, like 10 hours a day, but the progress is slow. Going through magazines and scientific journals one page at a time looking for useful images to clip is definitely going to be the slowest part of this project in terms of visible results. But the end of the clipping part is in sight. Next I need to clear out an area where I'm hoping Bob will build a nice-looking piece of cat furnitureónot one of those things you buy in a store that have cream-colored carpeting on them, but something that will resemble a very simple, modernistic apartment building for cats, except made of nice wood with a nice finish. (Bob loves working with wood and is especially good at stains and finishes.)

Anyway, sorry to go on about that when others, like poor Judi with her hernia, are really suffering. I've been sleeping well: 10 PM to 6 AM for two nights in a row. It's because I'm doing physical labor all day. I think my right arm, especially my shoulder muscles, are going to be outstanding by the time this project is over.

But things aren't going so hot back in my home state of Texas, where my mother has Alzheimer's and started throwing tantrums in her special "memory care" facility, so she's been on a geriatric psych ward for two weeks. My sister is the family member who has to be there when this sort of thing happens, and she's all stressed out & angry about it. She took it out on me over the phone, and I wound up breaking down and crying. Then my sister hung up on me and I kept crying the whole rest of the day, not getting any work done on the house.

My family of origin is so horrible. I mean my parents were. They both physically abused me when I was a child, but I intervened to protect my little sister from all of that: I was six years old when she was born, so I was old enough to get between my parents and her and take the blows myself. My sister and I were very close all through her grade school years, but then I turned 18 and went to college 1400 miles away, and she massively resented me for doing that.

And that's basically been the story ever since: we build a fragile truce, she gets mad at me and it breaks down, and so on ad infinitum. She doesn't want me down there in Texas helping take care of Mom, though. (My dad died in '07.) She thinks I would make the situation worse. She thinks all these crazy things about me because my parents bad-mouthed me in her ears so convincingly for nearly 40 years, she's effectively brainwashed. =sigh= She sure can hurt me bad over the phone. She did it today. My eyes are so puffy from crying, I can just barely see out of them. I'm just hopin' to be able to get back in the saddle tomorrow. Normally Sunday is my one day off from the BERP, but today was blown to pieces by my long bawling jag, so I'll have to forgo my day of rest this week. I just hope I can sleep tonight. Sorry for all my rambling. I'll stop writing now and not subject you nice people to any more of my crap.
Wow Fiona, I had similar parents and an older sister - when she went away to college I was a little afraid fending for myself, but I would have killed for loving protection like what you gave. Unfortunately, the abuse had turned my sister abusive to me. Its nice to see the opposite happening here and I'm glad that things are better between you and your sister.

I listened to my gut and it said "You could do with less of me."
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