[racrane]

Hi, I've been a part of 3 fat chicks since 2011, but I floated on and off. I had my son in late 2012, lost 60 lbs and have since gained 25 of it back in the last year. Mostly due to binge eating and depression relating to constant arguments with my fiancé (father of my son, too). I'm also a theater major at a college and am so very busy. (Most of us are super busy) Anyway, I think I've come to the realization that my fiancé and I are incredibly different people who honestly shouldn't have had a kid together.

For example, he wants us both to work and I want to be a SAHM. I firmly believe in some parenting principles; while he is angry that during my pregnant I thought one parenting technique would work and then I changed my mind when I actually had my son. We never are happy together. The only time we laugh together is when our son is being his adorable self. My son is the only reason I still get up for the day.

I do not do well on typical medications. I've had awful reactions in some way, shape or form on even the smallest dose. The ironic thing is that I did feel much better when I exercised last year, but I can't bring myself to start, even though I know what types I like, etc. I can't stop eating during the day. I know with the way I'm going I'll keep climbing the scale.

I've been doing well the last few days with not drinking pepsi (a weakness), so I'm hoping that will lead to more changes. But I don't think I will be happy unless my relationship changes with my fiancé. I wanted it to work with all my heart and now I don't know what to do. Our rent renewal is coming up in June and I have the choice to move back in with family and I'm agonizing.

I guess I needed to write to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading. <3

[IBelieveInMe2]

Hello! Good luck deciding what YOU want to do when your rent renewal comes up in June! One thing I want to say is to NOT expect your fiance to change (at least not significantly), especially after marriage!!! A lot of women go into a marriage thinking that this or that will change about their partner once they are married. This does NOT usually happen! In fact, behavior usually intensifies after a marriage. So, what can you do?!? Well, you can ONLY change yourself and YOUR reactions to him. Try this for awhile and ~ most likely ~ you will get some resistance (or lots of it), because people like us to "stay in our place" since it is familiar and predictable. If making changes on your part doesn't do the trick, then I believe you need to strongly consider whether you want this relationship to move forward. For better or for worse, you will always be linked to this person for the rest of your life since you have a child together. But you deserve to be happy in this life. If you are not experiencing that more often than not with your fiance, then it might be time to move on, and you have the perfect opportunity since your rent renewal is up in June! If he is willing to accept the "new you," then good for him and both of you. You are not meant to be a doormat for anyone! Follow your heart and your gut! If you pray (or even if you usually do not), pray about this situation, and you will be guided to an answer. Best of luck to YOU as you move forward with your life ~ with or without the fiance!

P.S. ~ The happier YOU are, the better mom you will be to your son!

[Pattience]

Many years ago i was in a relationship i wanted to keep and to make it work but i couldn't. I just couldn't make it work. Some years later, i did therapy and now i can see that without therapy it could never have worked.

And then just a few years ago, this guy showed up on my radar again, not to resume anything but even then i saw again that even with therapy, it would never work. We couldn't even be friends without disagreements. Even though all of that made me sad and sorry.

So yes you do have to look after your own needs for the sake of your son as well. If you are unable to go along with what your partner wants and he is unwilling to go along with you, well its pretty clear.

Relationships require compromise and if it doesn't happen a lot there is not going to be much fun there.

And i agree with the post above.

Even if you split, you've got to try to make things work with the father of your son. There's nothing worse than parents constantly hating and fighting each other. Sometimes its worth letting go and recognising that some things we cling to so strongly are just not that important after all when compared to the price that has to be paid.

[racrane]

Thank you both for the responses. I'm planning on taking a two week break at the end of this month and taking a step back. I realized how bad I'm eating has to do with my frustrations over the relationship. I'm not blaming him for my weight, but I shouldn't be unhappy, either