Background: Sister and I are Overweight, Step-Brother is Overweight/Obese. Everyone else is Normal Weight.
I had Easter at my house and it was filled to the brim with 19 people, mostly family and a few unrelated. It was (at first) amazing. Then someone said the fateful words: "This is the best Easter ever!"
As if on cue, my mom and step dad yelled, "WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!" Everyone got scared. Moving? Time Share? Surgery? Funeral Plots? Lifestyle Change? What?
"We are doing a Weight Loss Challenge! (You don't have to do it if you don't want to). We are paying $10 for every pound lost!!"
Everyone looks at the three fat sibs. My neighbor who escaped from his crazy family to seek sanctuary in a normal household goes out for a cigarette. I can feel my MIL judge (me) silently with her eyes. Sister starts reprimanding Mom about how this is embarrassing. All the thin people join in The Challenge in an awkward attempt to defuse the situation.
Then, it gets Worse. Unsalvageable.
An argument ensued (why don't you join in the challenge? can it be about health AND fitness? would you have this announcement if us three were svelte?) and Mom said, "You do whatever it takes to lose weight! If it takes smoking, drugs or a trauma, GREAT! You DO IT!!" (referring to her unintentional weight loss when she was getting a divorce). And then, "No one will tell you the TRUTH! I'm your MOTHER, and I will tell you the TRUTH!"
When I look in the mirror, I honestly think I look great (size 12, exerciser, mostly raw vegan). She did work as a professional ballet dancer in the 40s/50s and ran a ballet company, so on one level I give her a free pass ~ But I am still gobsmacked. We are still getting over it.
I'm stunned by what you had to endure. It's completely ridiculous! I have no idea how I'd handle something like that because in my family, the criticism is very subtle unless I'm think and then I get criticized openly by mom who seems to feel that she's the one who gets to decide how fat/thin I get to be.
All I can say is that people don't always approach these issues with common sense and we need to let them know that our worth isn't related to our weight and they should pretty much just not mention it ever again. Ugh! I feel your pain!
OMFG. I don't know how "getting over it" would happen. I think I'd need a few decades to process that one. She must be pretty damaged inside to think that was okay in terms of timing, audience, presentation, tone, wording ... good grief.
How terrifying. I wouldn't be on speaking terms with anyone who did that to me for a while. I would deflect as much as possible by telling her that you're not participating in any weight loss challenge because you're really happy with your weight.
Ew. My mother is a narcissist and she does the same thing too. Told me to change my weight so I wouldn't be an embarrassment for her. I rarely speak to her. You have a healthier mentality with weight than she does.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this - and at your own house, too!!
Based on your post, I'd say that your mom sounds like one of those people who is Convinced She Is Right and out to Help Others See the Error of Their Ways (for their own good, of course).
Do she and your stepdad normally do things like this? Or is a horrible scene of this magnitude a rare incident….?
That's just silly and it is treating you like children rather than adults. My parents say stupid stuff, too. I just ignore them and focus on my own life. Yeah, we're all supposed to have sitcom families where we face challenges but thirty minutes later it all ends with a great big laugh and a group hug. Right.
im so sorry that you had to put up with that, my mother wouldnt come out and directly say it but she would do the little digs that all added up to me shouting "I will lose this weight, but then what will you complain about" but she is just worried about me health wise but still...you dont need to be reminded every day that your overweight
keep your chin up dont listen to them..smile and walk away
Thanks Everyone! I just had to share my "Did That Just Happen??" experience!
We always knew that Mom was terribly vain. And that her daughters were a reflection on her. Nothing was ever directly said, but the energy was felt growing up.
About ten years ago she would buy us Eat This! Not That! books, yet come over with a big box of Dunkin' Donuts (for the kids, of course...)
Then she would talk to my sister about losing weight.
Now something flipped a switch and she went Crazy Town on us.
God, I hope she doesn't get worse as she gets older. (age 79 now..)
Thanks Everyone! I just had to share my "Did That Just Happen??" experience!
We always knew that Mom was terribly vain. And that her daughters were a reflection on her. Nothing was ever directly said, but the energy was felt growing up.
About ten years ago she would buy us Eat This! Not That! books, yet come over with a big box of Dunkin' Donuts (for the kids, of course...)
Then she would talk to my sister about losing weight.
Now something flipped a switch and she went Crazy Town on us.
God, I hope she doesn't get worse as she gets older. (age 79 now..)
Yeah, I have stubborn older folks in my family too, who say anything they want. It appears no matter how old I get, certain people will always view me as a child. My father always said "Ignore it, people get set in their ways, everything passes on". I am still ambivalent about that statement even today, plus I always wondered when he said "pass on", did he mean to wait for them to die? Whatever he meant--I have had times where I recalled his words and made that statement mean exactly that....
FWIW, none of my family said anything when I was 281lbs. Well, my mom asked very quietly once in private if I had ever considered a diet, to which I replied no and she never mentioned it again.
Fast forward to my current weight loss and everyone has something to say: cautioning me on losing too much; telling me to eat more; asking why I can't eat this and that; sometimes "preferring me when I was bigger" and all sorts of other crap.
You're damned if you do and damned if you don't sometimes.
I say you need to invite everyone back over and make another announcement. "Ten dollars for every wrinkle lost!" (Make sure everyone at the party is younger than her.)
Of course I'm just kidding, but that's how that feels to me. Like she needs to point out in front of everyone that she knows you're overweight, and it's not HER fault you are. i.e. "See? I'm even offering to pay for weight loss and nobody's taking me up on it!" (BTW, ask her if I can sign up, cuz I am gonna be rich!!!!)
I am sorry you had to go through that, and that everyone else had to have that uncomfortable moment with you. I cringed just reading that. I felt a hot spotlight of shame come on over my big fat butt as I was reading. Hugs to you for having to endure a dysfunctional Easter. But it sounds like you have more respect for you than she does. So I stick my tongue out to her.
Aside from everything else she seems to have a warped idea of what an unhealthy weight is. If I am reading your stats correctly you are 5'9" and wear size 12? Hardly a health crisis to wreck everyone's Easter get together over. I like the wrinkle contest idea!
Shocking Easter
dont listen to them..smile and walk away
