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Old 04-17-2014, 03:42 PM   #1  
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Default Cyanide Lollipops Diabolical Dilemma

I wasn't sure where to start, and I will most likely do my introduction after this post. Here's the issues I'm aware of...I have a food addiction, motivation issues, self accountability issues, self esteem isn't an issue, and I have medications I take that are a bit of a challenge at times....

I started this journey at 463 lbs. in 2005. I have tried WW, shakes, and a lot of other fad diets, which they work, but I don't stick to them. I had a job that was very physical and very hot. I dropped weight like crazy, I got down to 298. My lowest weight since I was in 7th grade. Yes I have been over 300 lbs since I was 13. I'm 32 now, and still not giving up all hope.

I got on the scale the other day, my boyfriend went out and bought me all the supplies I need to go back to doing protein shakes, and a scale, and the foods to make salads...and I climbed on said scale and got back off three times...380. It had to be lying....but I went to the dr a few days later...that scale said the exact same thing...

*sigh* My house smells like strawberry cupcakes for my boyfriend's daughter's easter party tomorrow...I keep saying I will start trying again on this day...or that day...So tomorrow is D day...Not DIET...I dislike that work...DIABOLICAL-NESS. I am going to be evil to my weight...I'm going to make it cry....

But I need some help...I am looking for an accountability partner/cheerleader...Any volunteers?

I added Pictures...the first one was close to my heaviest, the middle was close to my smallest...and the last is my favorite recent picture...
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Old 04-17-2014, 05:16 PM   #2  
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Welcome & wishing you all the best on your journey! I look forward to getting to know you better.

I, too, struggle with food addiction, motivation issues & seem to lack self-discipline. I also deal with depression.

But we can do this!!
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Old 04-17-2014, 10:23 PM   #3  
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Depression is something I was diagnosed with...but now they think it's anxiety...but the anxiety meds make me want to eat whole cakes...
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Old 04-17-2014, 11:51 PM   #4  
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Welcome to the forum!
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Old 04-18-2014, 12:14 AM   #5  
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Default Yes....

I totally get it....it's hard to let go. Food is nice when life is crappy. People who are addicted (me too) can't exactly just stay away, and most of our food has too much junk in it anyway. Just remember, there will be bad days, there will be days that the cake wins, but you can always turn it around. Remember you can start today.... that thing you ate this morning? No big deal... because right now....now you really can make a difference to your body and it will love you for it (later, right now it'll be mad). Everything we look at in magazines, on tv and on the street is geared toward selling something that looks and tastes awesome but isn't good for you and good for you ....well, less awesome. Anyway, the good thing is that if you can make a habit out of the good for you stuff it will get easier (habits take like a month to make). It won't be easy, but it'll be WORTH it.... I'll try to be accountable too... if ya want a weight loss buddy....I've been bad about checking in too.
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Old 04-18-2014, 12:23 AM   #6  
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Hi there.

You've achieved a lot already which is great and it shows that its given you confidence in what you can do which is even greater really.

to cut a long story short, can i recommend a bit of extra reading for you:
1. the thread about meltdown by lovelydisaster, please read my long post. I think you would find a lot of value in the book i discuss there. But in my long post i talk about what the book is about and it should give you a fair idea of why i am recommending it to you. After me, Actic mama posts that she found the book valuable and worked with the program for a while before adapting it to her own preferences. I also won't follow the book to the letter but there is so much of use and value that it can only do you good to read it. the book is called the Don't go Hungry Diet by Dr Amanda Sainsbury-Salis. She has a website online too. I wrote to her recently with questions. She hasn't written back yet but i would be surprised if she doesn't at some point.

2. the nutrition wonderland website has some great articles about how hormones affect weight loss and weight gain. I have found these articles on seratonin (I really hope you will read this one especially i had to read it twice to take it all in ), eptin, insulin as well as fibre very useful and insightful. Its hard to get this sort of information from the web in such a succinct form. At least that's what i've found and in it there is much information that is useful for people with the sort of issues you've got and me too. I can't stress enough how important it is to try to understand some more of the nitty gritty about how our bodies work and interact with food.

3. I also recommend at some point you peruse my foodblog diary in my link below because i do a few things that i think will be helpful: I diarise my food in detail and give recipes. I haven't had any setbacks but i have had some emotional challenges and i dealt with them and describe all that in there. I' also modified my diet a bit to improve the nutrition content. Also if you binge on sweet foods, you may find how i tackle the sweets factor. It works very well for me. I presume you intend to keep a food diary yourself . I recommend doing that.

Finally i would say, that i have had anxiety in the past but hardly get it anymore. Depression is more my issue. I have had a lot to do with mental health over the last 20 years including being a regular on a website where many people talk about their anxiety issues as well as all their other mental health problems. I haven't heard anyone say that about anxiety medication before. Do you smoke too?

And have you ever done any mindfulness training or CBT? Both are useful with anxiety as well as depression. Even if you don't practice rigorously, understanding how to use these tools is important.
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:26 AM   #7  
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I loved your comment about eating a whole cake. I always feel like I am the only one that could seriously eat a whole cake. I look forward to getting to know you.
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Old 04-18-2014, 01:11 PM   #8  
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I am too looking for an accountability partner. We are about at the same place weight wise. Let me know if you're interested!
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Old 04-18-2014, 02:05 PM   #9  
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Ubee, its probably most of the people on this board who can eat a whole cake.
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Old 04-18-2014, 03:20 PM   #10  
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Oh I can totally eat a whole cake. And I will be completely miserable and looking forward to the day when I can eat some more.

Good Lord I love cake.

Ok back to reality now.
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