This might sound trite and obvious--I used to think so, anyway--but substituting the negative self-talk with positives can be powerfully helpful. Berating yourself for how you look and what you eat, etc. doesn't really motivate you, does it. Mostly it creates emotional distress and that can make you want to eat even more. It sounds like you need someone--yourself--to be compassionate and make you #1.
Sometimes getting started on a healthier lifestyle is hard. I found these two books to be helpful to get motivated: The Beck Diet Solution(it's been around awhile and might be at the library) It's about how you think and talk to yourself, has a practical cognitive approach, day to day tips. There is a 3 FC forum for it, too.
Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, by Lisa Delaney. Also has been around a while. Practical ideas, but a really entertaining narrative about her journey. Her main message is don't wait to get thin to live well. Then she has loads of practical tips to address the things you mentioned and more.
Posting here is a great start. Sending you good wishes