Wow... Thank you all!!! I had no real expectation of any good answers when I posted, it was a "what the heck! I have nothing to lose" moment. Some of your answers hurt and made me teary and I believe that is good, it means something moved inside me and there's work to be done. Other answers are major ideas that I want to start doing ASAP.
I have some major thinking to do... Let me process this and I will come back.
Self-respect is a very soothing pain reliever.