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Old 04-09-2014, 12:46 PM   #1
ggbsy
Petite and tiny!
 
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 59

Height: Less than 5"0'

Default Please critique me! I need to know what I am doing wrong...

I need help to stop my night binges and lose the pounds I have gained from them (I do want to lose the regained weight but for now it is more important to stop my awful binging behavior). So I just had this idea today that I will describe a typical day with its meals, activities and moods, and see if any of you kind friends could critique it, find where I am going out of path or what am I doing that is making me binge. Or have any ideas of what I could do to stop.

I what you to know that I know I have it good, I live with the shame of knowing that even though I have it good I don't do good enough. Here's the deal: I am single and childless and not by choice. I have an almost part time job that pays almost full time. I live with my parents and don't have the expense of a household, or family. I know a LOT of people that do so much better than me and have families, households, debt, etc.

...I still struggle!

Anyway this is a typical day like yesterday...

5:30am Alarms starts pounding away…
Snooze, snooze, snooze and more snooze. Still can't believe the pain of waking up. 5:29 is the best minute of my day, I am fully asleep and completely relaxed. Hate waking up, takes too much of my energy!
6:15 to 6:30 Finally find the courage to step out of bed.
6:30 - 7:00 Make coffee, breakfast and lunch (to take with me to work)
7:00 - 7:15 Drink coffee and TMI ALERT try try try to go to the bathroom
7:15 - 7:30 Shower
7:30 - 8:15 Get dressed, do my hair… get dressed again because I didn't like the first one… do this up to 3 times… get my stuff ready.
8:15 Out the door.
8:15 - 8:30 Yes my commute is only 15 minutes.
8:30-ish Arrive at work. Have I mentioned I am late? Yes, I have to be here at 8:00, I am late every single day.
8:30 - 11:00 Work at 10%, the other 90% is dealing with noise, people, gossip, interruptions.
11:00 - 11:30 Have breakfast at my desk while trying to work.
BREAKFAST: Big turkey sandwich and fruit.
DISCLAIMER: My work hours are 8am to 3pm STRAIGHT, no breaks whatsoever. I can do whatever I want as long as I am working. I don't live in the US so there are no rules, regulations, HR department, etc. No way around this. 2nd DISCLAIMER is that I have absolutely tried to have breakfast earlier, like as soon as I wake up, I have tried up to a month at a time because all the literature says we need to. This experiments have been absolute FAILURES! I end up not only eating a LOT more during the day but being even more hungry.
***Note that until this point I have not felt hunger or anything like it.
11:30 - 2:30pm Keep working, which again is 10% work and 90% is dealing with noise, people, gossip, interruptions.
2:30 - 3:00 Have lunch at my desk while trying to work.
LUNCH: Tuna salad and crackers, salad, avocado.
3:00 Work is over! The reason that I eat at work instead of home is because I never made it home without stopping at a fast food place on the way… This way I just ate and I can make it.
3:20 - 5:20 Arrive at home and/or do my to-do list. Laundry, cleaning, phone calls, and if God is really good to me I can take a 15 minute nap.
5:20 - 5:30 Have a snack. Yummy!!!!! Love this snack!!!!
SNACK: 1/2 a banana with half a cup 2% cottage cheese and almonds.
5:30 - 5:45 Dress for gym. Change 4 or 5 times because I hate my fat.
5:45 - 6:30 Arrive at gym. Go pee 3 or 4 times because of anxiety. Talk to my friends. Love this part!
6:30 - 8:30 Work out, best part of the day!!!
8:30 - 8:40 Talk to my friends some more.
8:40 - 8:50 Drive home.
8:50 Take anti-anxiety medication. This is prescribed and a very low dose. 0.25 of a Xanax and half a Victan (this one is not available in the US)
8:50 - 9:00 Make dinner.
9:00 - 9:15 Hold the dinner, shower first. But dinner is ready and waiting!!!
9:15 - 10:00 Have dinner in bed watching tv… absolutely love and adore this part.
DINNER: Chicken salad with lettuce, spinach, tomato, avocado, apple and farmers cheese with crackers.
Up to here my calorie count is around 1500-1600. This is normal for my size, my nutritionist actually wants me to go to 1200… I just can't do that.
10:00… Can't relax…
10:00 - 12:00 Binge, binge and binge. Can't stop. I just want to relax and feel good. And I am certain I look like a zombie downing down food to achieve relaxation and numbness. At least I have so far 2 weeks binging on pseudo-healthy foods: fresh fruits, dried fruits, nuts. But it had been 3 months straight were my binges were chocolate covered binges.
12:00 Finally fall asleep…
5:30am THAT STUPID ALARM IS BLARING AGAIN!!!

So… any thoughts? What is going on here? Any idea how to stop? How can I relax without food?
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