Chicks in Control Overeating? Binging? Share uplifting support and gain control!

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Old 06-01-2013, 01:53 PM   #1  
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Default Anyone manage to quit dieting with positive results #2

Well I've tried to start this new continuation thread a couple times and my internet has crashed each time. So here goes number 3!

This thread is for people to share their stories and give advice on how they've managed to give up strict dieting and find some kind of peace with food. I have taken this approach for about 2 months now, due to being tired of the food obsession and binges that were taking over my life and denying me of happiness.

It has been quite a journey for me in only 2 months. I have not binged, but have certainly done my share of overeating. I have learned however that overeating is a welcome change from bingeing. I am by no means perfect, but I guess that is the point of this thread; letting go of perfection that lead me down the dark road of an eating disorder.

I hope people will continue to use this thread to vent their struggles in letting go of the dieting mentality and provide any new insights they have discovered along their journey. For me "positive results" doesn't mean achieving a certain weight/shape/health etc., but in finding some kind of balance where one can find peace of mind without having food rule over every aspect of their life.

As for me, I just got back from vacation. The tail end was a little heavy on the social indulgences. In the past, I would have viewed it as an epic failure and would have applied some strict rules once returning home in an attempt to reign myself in. But now I see it as a huge learning experience in letting go of the guilt, not seeing things as black and white, and just doing the best I can in the moment. I am not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow. I am just thinking about today and this moment. I hope to hear some new stories on this thread, and the wonderful suggestions and advice of others who have found any success in non-dieting.

How is everyone doing anyways?
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Old 06-01-2013, 02:17 PM   #2  
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I hope people will continue to use this thread to vent their struggles in letting go of the dieting mentality and provide any new insights they have discovered along their journey. For me "positive results" doesn't mean achieving a certain weight/shape/health etc., but in finding some kind of balance where one can find peace of mind without having food rule over every aspect of their life.
veggiedaze - So glad you were able to start the new thread! I was beginning to worry if I had stopped it in its tracks when I suggested that you begin a second one - and that would have been a great loss. This has been one of the most informative threads on 3FC. Thank you for continuing it.

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As for me, I just got back from vacation. The tail end was a little heavy on the social indulgences. In the past, I would have viewed it as an epic failure and would have applied some strict rules once returning home in an attempt to reign myself in. But now I see it as a huge learning experience in letting go of the guilt, not seeing things as black and white, and just doing the best I can in the moment. I am not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow. I am just thinking about today and this moment. I hope to hear some new stories on this thread, and the wonderful suggestions and advice of others who have found any success in non-dieting.

How is everyone doing anyways?
I also went on a mini-vacation, and I promised myself that I wouldn't even think about the food I was eating. I was able to do that and did not over-indulge, although I drank far too much wine! I can relate to exactly what you're saying - In the past I would have thought "Okay, now I have to start really buckling down, counting calories, exercise X amount per day" yadayadayada. But none of that - any more. It's such a wonderful feeling of freedom.

I hope everyone will continue to share their experiences here.
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:22 PM   #3  
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veggiedaze - So glad you were able to start the new thread! I was beginning to worry if I had stopped it in its tracks when I suggested that you begin a second one - and that would have been a great loss. This has been one of the most informative threads on 3FC. Thank you for continuing it.



I also went on a mini-vacation, and I promised myself that I wouldn't even think about the food I was eating. I was able to do that and did not over-indulge, although I drank far too much wine! I can relate to exactly what you're saying - In the past I would have thought "Okay, now I have to start really buckling down, counting calories, exercise X amount per day" yadayadayada. But none of that - any more. It's such a wonderful feeling of freedom.

I hope everyone will continue to share their experiences here.
Yes it's true. It has been freeing not to beat myself up over my overindulgences. I definitely had my fair share of wine too. It has felt good to just be able to cook again. There is something though that is worth mentioning that really has me wondering. This morning when I went to make my usual oatmeal, I noticed I was out. I was quite upset because I just love my oatmeal so much and it put me in such a bad mood not to have it. So instead I made a big spinach omlette (I usually have a really small spinach omlette on the side of my oatmeal) and I added some other veggies. I did not have any other starchy carb source in the house. Anyways, I was worried I would not be satisfied and that I would be starving by the time my first break at work came. But to my surprise, I was not hungry at all and was actually less hungry by the time my break came. I was really surprised. I'm almost wondering if there is something to be said about starches making people more hungry. Obviously this is only one day and there could be all kinds of factors behind why I didn't feel as hungry as usual. But I'm going to give the big omlette another try tomorrow to see if the same thing happens. Quite frankly, it's quite a nice change not to be starving by the time I get to my first break, despite eating more and more food before leaving my house. I've heard other people on this forum say that eating higher glycemic starches (even starches on the lower end of the glycemic index like oatmeal, sweet potatoes, brown rice etc. as opposed to things like bread, refined cereals etc.) makes them more hungry.

Obviously I'm not willing to give up my oatmeal for good as it is one of my very favourite things, but maybe it's a good thing to avoid for me on a workday morning when I don't have the opportunity to eat again for almost 6 hours. So I guess I am doing a bit of an experiment. I am wondering though if I will as opposed to not being hungry, if I will instead start to feel lethargic and low energy without the oatmeal after a couple days. I guess I will see.

Anyone else care to chime in about this? has anyone actually timed how long they stay satiated from various types of foods? For me eating and work days is a tough thing to get right. In my job I cannot eat or snack when I'm hungry as food is strictly prohibited on the worksite for safety reasons. It is strongly enforced.
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Old 06-03-2013, 11:26 PM   #4  
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Also kelly, how's it going with the meds?
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Old 06-04-2013, 08:31 AM   #5  
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Anyone else care to chime in about this? has anyone actually timed how long they stay satiated from various types of foods? For me eating and work days is a tough thing to get right. In my job I cannot eat or snack when I'm hungry as food is strictly prohibited on the worksite for safety reasons. It is strongly enforced.
I'm always satisfied by a very large breakfast (eggs, bacon, toast or biscuits, hash browns) so most people would probably say it's mostly the protein in all that that keeps me satiated. However, I will say that if I eat ONLY protein (eggs, bacon, & cheese) I will get hungrier a lot sooner than if I add in the bread. I am a person who, for some reason, can remain satisfied a long time on only bread. That goes against the traditional wisdom I know, but it's true for me. Give me a bagel at 9:00 am and I probably won't eat again until 5:00 pm.

Yesterday I wasn't hungry at all in the morning. Went to my knitting class from 10:30 to 12:30 and STILL had no appetite. Came home, finished up a few things and then went out again to run errands. Finally got hungry so I went to Cracker Barrel and got grilled catfish, turnip greens, fried apples and biscuits. Ate all of it except for about 1/2 of one of the biscuits. I didn't get hungry again until late last night and just had a little yogurt before bed. I can eat one big meal like that mid-afternoon and it will satisfy me for close to 24 hrs. OTOH, if I try to break it up into small meals throughout the day I'm starving all day and all night, and inevitably I end up overeating in the evening.

This is something I've always known about myself but never allowed myself to eat that way because I've always been told it's wrong. During my 20-year "thin" phase I think that's probably the way I ate, although I can't quite remember exactly how I ate during that period of time.
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Old 06-04-2013, 10:56 AM   #6  
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Thanks for thinking of me veggiedaze. Meds are doing ok. I am feeling better mentally for sure and it seems to helping with my food obsessiveness as well.....not sure how long that will last, but I am not thinking of food as much. I was away for a girls getaway and everyone was drinking and eating crap and I stayed on my plan and felt fine. I didn't obsess at all about the cupcakes and cans of icing around, the 10 bags of chips....the bread! I really feel so much better when I restrict my carbs, something I believe I will always have to do, but I am looking at it in a different way other than "restriction". I just feel better not eating it and I haven't had the wild feeling of wanting to binge so far. So I am hoping it will all fall into place and be able to continue eating to make me feel good and healthy, not to lose weight. I am wanting to lose a few.....am I making any sense at all lol......but I am not obsessing over like I have been. If I am hungry I have extra, if I am not hungry I wait til I am.....just really trying to prepare myself with my plans of ongoing healthy eating after I get to where I feel better with myself physically. Anyway thanks again and glad to hear you are still learning new things about yourself. I have found in the past having starchy carby stuff in the morning leaves me all day craving them.....having protein and veggies.....I just don't get that. I love oatmeal for breakfast too but I may need to rethink when I eat the carby stuff, which I think will end up being end of day.

Have a great day everyone
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Old 06-05-2013, 10:24 PM   #7  
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I'm always satisfied by a very large breakfast (eggs, bacon, toast or biscuits, hash browns) so most people would probably say it's mostly the protein in all that that keeps me satiated. However, I will say that if I eat ONLY protein (eggs, bacon, & cheese) I will get hungrier a lot sooner than if I add in the bread. I am a person who, for some reason, can remain satisfied a long time on only bread. That goes against the traditional wisdom I know, but it's true for me. Give me a bagel at 9:00 am and I probably won't eat again until 5:00 pm.

Yesterday I wasn't hungry at all in the morning. Went to my knitting class from 10:30 to 12:30 and STILL had no appetite. Came home, finished up a few things and then went out again to run errands. Finally got hungry so I went to Cracker Barrel and got grilled catfish, turnip greens, fried apples and biscuits. Ate all of it except for about 1/2 of one of the biscuits. I didn't get hungry again until late last night and just had a little yogurt before bed. I can eat one big meal like that mid-afternoon and it will satisfy me for close to 24 hrs. OTOH, if I try to break it up into small meals throughout the day I'm starving all day and all night, and inevitably I end up overeating in the evening.

This is something I've always known about myself but never allowed myself to eat that way because I've always been told it's wrong. During my 20-year "thin" phase I think that's probably the way I ate, although I can't quite remember exactly how I ate during that period of time.
That sounds like an awsome meal at Cracker Barrel. I wish there was one around here.

I am thinking people are probably really individual as far as carbohyrates go. I think for me they really satisfy me on a mental level; afterall the brain runs on only glucose. But I am honestly finding that when I really pay attention, I don't really get as intense physical hunger when I skip them. I do feel a bit low on energy though; like if I exercise when it's been a couple days of no starches, I feel like I'm carrying a lead ball around. But, carbs make me kind of sleepy. I just find it so interesting. I love love carbs and would never give them up. But I really think a person can gain alot of benefit from really paying attention to the effects of foods and use them to their benefit.
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Old 06-05-2013, 10:38 PM   #8  
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Thanks for thinking of me veggiedaze. Meds are doing ok. I am feeling better mentally for sure and it seems to helping with my food obsessiveness as well.....not sure how long that will last, but I am not thinking of food as much. I was away for a girls getaway and everyone was drinking and eating crap and I stayed on my plan and felt fine. I didn't obsess at all about the cupcakes and cans of icing around, the 10 bags of chips....the bread! I really feel so much better when I restrict my carbs, something I believe I will always have to do, but I am looking at it in a different way other than "restriction". I just feel better not eating it and I haven't had the wild feeling of wanting to binge so far. So I am hoping it will all fall into place and be able to continue eating to make me feel good and healthy, not to lose weight. I am wanting to lose a few.....am I making any sense at all lol......but I am not obsessing over like I have been. If I am hungry I have extra, if I am not hungry I wait til I am.....just really trying to prepare myself with my plans of ongoing healthy eating after I get to where I feel better with myself physically. Anyway thanks again and glad to hear you are still learning new things about yourself. I have found in the past having starchy carby stuff in the morning leaves me all day craving them.....having protein and veggies.....I just don't get that. I love oatmeal for breakfast too but I may need to rethink when I eat the carby stuff, which I think will end up being end of day.

Have a great day everyone
Kelly that is so great that you are doing better with the food obsessiveness since starting the meds. Even if the effects wear off overtime, it is just nice to get a break from that darkness to see that it is possible to get out of it sometimes. For me, I have taken meds, had them wear off or to where I don't want the sideeffects, after which I stop them and try to go at it on my own. Then after some point if I fall back into a mental hole, I start up on them again to pull me out of the darkness. Each time I go at it on my own, I seem to go longer and do a little better. I think that when I get the boost from the meds, I learn some coping and life skills that I am able to hold onto. And it sounds like you did great with all those temptations around.

I also really think I am on the same wavelength as you when it comes to wanting to use food to make you feel better; and if you find carbs make you feel like crap and wanting more or leading to bingeing, then all the power to you to leave them out. I think I will leave them out in my morning meal before work, but I am sure I will eat them on other days, and probably eat more of them when I notice my workouts arn't as good etc. I think every stituation can call for something unique to that situation. I think that's why cookie cutter diets that have someone eating the exact same thing at specific times day after day just throws away the chance to use food in a way that is uniquely tailored to a persons day. I find myself eating "intuitively" more and more now. It is so much easier to say "yes" or "no" to specific foods when you are thinking in terms of "how will this make me feel" and "how long will this hold me over for".
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Old 06-06-2013, 12:37 PM   #9  
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Thanks Veggiedaze, I feel soooo much better, pretty amazed actually! I have done the same as you with meds been on a couple but go off after feeling I am coping better, so I will wait and see what happens this time around. This time around was really quite scary for me, really don't ever want to feel those feelings or have the thoughts I had again. Really hoping the food thing continues, it is a huge relief like you said not having to think of the food so much too.........amazing!

Hoping I can move more towards what you are doing one day.....it finally feels like maybe it is possible for me.
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Old 06-06-2013, 02:37 PM   #10  
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Give me a bagel at 9:00 am and I probably won't eat again until 5:00 pm.
I wish I came from that planet.

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Old 06-06-2013, 02:38 PM   #11  
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I was just kind of roaming around in the 3FC forums when I came across this thread. It really struck a chord for me as I just re read my old book Overcoming Overeating. It's an old book that I really recommend. I also love Geneen Roths stuff. I feel like I could write a novel for my first post here but I will try to condense it down.

I have loved reading all your personal journeys, experience and wisdom on this thread. I actually got a little bit of happy tears in my eyes, Veggiedaze to see your transformation as far as how you were thinking and your realizations. I guess I am posting to share my story.

I have a bit of a unique situation from what I see so far of who has posted on this thread. I have 3 kids and I am nursing my baby almost exclusively. She doesn't eat much solid food. She nurses constantly and it makes me SO HUNGRY. I am also a stay at home mom who homeschools so I am surrounded by food, children and STRESS. Lots of stress. In fact this might be kind of choppy as I have to hop up down and tend to the needs of said children through out this post.

I also have a history of ED. I was a weird combination of bulemic anorexic as a teen ager and my early twenties. I eventually healed myself from that with an amazing book that I can't remember the name of and also Overcoming Overeating. Basically the premise was the same as what in now called intuitive eating and also included legalizing food and body acceptance. So, I did. I legalized food, I worked on accepting myself as I was and I started eating only when I was hungry and seeing it as a gift I was giving to myself. Every time I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was satisfied I saw it as an act of self love and self care. I pretty much stopped emotional eating which was a big one for me. I used to eat when I was angry or sad. I managed to stop doing that by doing just as was mentioned in the original thread, sitting with the emotion and letting it pass. I also got better at talking about my feelings. Eventually, I was one of those rare birds. I was naturally thin, I ate only when I was hungry and I ate whatever I wanted. I was passionate about how much diets didn't work and how I didn't agree with them. So, all was good until I became pregnant with my first child. I don't know if its because it threw my hunger signals off or if it was the weight gain triggering my ED but basically I couldn't lose the pregnancy weight. I did eventually lose my pregnancy weight through extreme stress when my husband and I got divorced when my first daughter was about 2. I basically just stopped eating and would only eat a few crackers to remove the gnawing sensation in my stomach. But once I was down to my pre pregnancy weight I stayed there with no trouble because I went back to eating the way I had been.

So remarried and got pregnant again eventually. As usual got into bad eating habits while pregnant (ie eating when not hungry) and after baby could NOT drop the weight. I just felt constantly hungry and was craving sweet stuff like a crazy person. I went from being the kind of person who would eat a few oreos and think they were too sweet and let the package get stale in the pantry to someone who could eat an entire package in ONE sitting. I started counting calories and exercising and keeping a food journal and I started to lose the weight very slowly. But, I never got back to prepregnancy weight. We decided to have our third and final child and I decided this time was going to be different. THIS time I would eat healthy and not gain tons of weight blah blah... RIGHT. This time I gained more weight and have stayed at a higher weight than last time. I have sucessfully dieted down to about 20 lbs this prepregnancy weight which is still 30 lbs over my ideal comfortable weight but then all my restriction kicks in and I go NUTS and overeat everything until I am back where I started.

So, all this to say that I started reading my overcoming overeating book AND came across this thread and from reading it I realized that my ED is back! I didn't realize it because I am not purging but all the same thoughts I had when I had my ED are in full force. I feel fat and hate myself and how I look after I eat, I obsess about food, I constantly go on diet after diet, I exercise like a maniac until I injure myself and can't do it anymore, foods are now GOOD or BAD. I am out of touch with my hunger signals, its like a horrible vicious cycle. I can only assume it was triggered by my natural weight gain of getting pregnant and then it keeps me from naturally losing the baby weight. So, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. I am trying to get back to eating only when I feel hungry and right now I am working on self acceptance. ( I realized I was having horrible judgmental thoughts about my appearance because it is so different than how I used to look which really just makes me want to eat MORE) I need to work on my stress eating and my "reward" eating. The eating I do when all the kids are finally in bed and its time to party. I cant wait for them to go to bed so I can have my treat. And I am working on legalizing foods. I am trying to get them back from BAD and GOOD to just FOOD. I also am working on trying not to eat when stressed out. I guess this is a big one for me.

A real lightbulb went on for me with this thread when I realized the reason I turned into a person who could eat a whole package of oreos was my restricting. ESPECIALLY while nursing! DUH. It never really occurred to me that my bingeing could be related to my restricting. I know that seems so obvious now. My body is trying to keep me and my baby healthy at any cost.

So the answer to the question: yes I managed to quit dieting with positive results and was happy and at a good weight for me for years and years. I also usually only ate about twice a day. lunch and dinner. Lunch was usually a sandwich and an apple and then dinner was dinner. I also was always very aware of my appetite fluctuations. Sometimes I was hungrier than usual and I ate more for a few days and then the next few days I wasn't as hungry and it would even out. I was a HUGE proponent of listening to my body. And now I am totally out of touch with my body and it shows. Anyway, thanks for this thread and to anyone who actually got through my novel.
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Old 06-08-2013, 01:03 PM   #12  
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A real lightbulb went on for me with this thread when I realized the reason I turned into a person who could eat a whole package of oreos was my restricting. ESPECIALLY while nursing! DUH. It never really occurred to me that my bingeing could be related to my restricting. I know that seems so obvious now. My body is trying to keep me and my baby healthy at any cost.

So the answer to the question: yes I managed to quit dieting with positive results and was happy and at a good weight for me for years and years. I also usually only ate about twice a day. lunch and dinner. Lunch was usually a sandwich and an apple and then dinner was dinner. I also was always very aware of my appetite fluctuations. Sometimes I was hungrier than usual and I ate more for a few days and then the next few days I wasn't as hungry and it would even out. I was a HUGE proponent of listening to my body. And now I am totally out of touch with my body and it shows. Anyway, thanks for this thread and to anyone who actually got through my novel.
Pinkhippie, I loved reading your story! I've never read Overcoming Overeating but it is a book I've considered ordering (since it isn't available anywhere in our very large library system).

Odd that you should mention you only ate twice a day when you were at a good weight. That's pretty much my normal eating pattern when I listen to my body and follow my natural hunger cycles.

I emphasized in your post what I think is really important to remember - we are just going to be hungrier some days than others, and it's okay for us to eat more on those days. Not binge or gorge ourselves, obviously, but it's okay to take that second helping if you've really listened to your body and you know you are still hungry.

So glad you posted here. I hope you will continue to do so.
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Old 06-08-2013, 01:30 PM   #13  
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I wish I came from that planet.

F.
LOL - I know that seems very strange and it goes against the generally accepted wisdom that "carbs beget more carbs" but that's just the way my system works.

Perhaps it is due more to the butter I have on it as opposed to the bagel itself. But the funny thing is I don't generally eat a lot of bagels; every once in a while I'll go to Einstein Bros with my daughter (who LOVES bagels!) and get a plain bagel toasted with butter. Now that probably has about 400-450 calories so it shouldn't surprise me that it fills me up, but it's a bit confusing because I can eat 2 eggs, 3 slices of bacon and a banana which has approximately the same number of calories and I'll get hungrier much more quickly. Substitute two slices of toast (again, with butter) for the banana, remove one egg, and you again have a comparable number of calories, and it will satisfy me longer than the bacon, eggs, and banana.

Odd, I know. And it may have a psychological component to it, since I have always been a big bread eater, love it, and really can't imagine not eating it. I could go the rest of my life and not eat a candy bar, ice cream, cake, or donuts. I could probably go the rest of my life and not drink wine (although I don't want to!). But if I were told that I could no longer have bread in any form I would be very depressed!

And if I were told I could no longer drink black coffee, well....I cannot even imagine life without my coffee! And that has NO calories!
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Old 06-08-2013, 03:15 PM   #14  
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I'm always satisfied by a very large breakfast (eggs, bacon, toast or biscuits, hash browns) so most people would probably say it's mostly the protein in all that that keeps me satiated. However, I will say that if I eat ONLY protein (eggs, bacon, & cheese) I will get hungrier a lot sooner than if I add in the bread. I am a person who, for some reason, can remain satisfied a long time on only bread. That goes against the traditional wisdom I know, but it's true for me. Give me a bagel at 9:00 am and I probably won't eat again until 5:00 pm.

Yesterday I wasn't hungry at all in the morning. Went to my knitting class from 10:30 to 12:30 and STILL had no appetite. Came home, finished up a few things and then went out again to run errands. Finally got hungry so I went to Cracker Barrel and got grilled catfish, turnip greens, fried apples and biscuits. Ate all of it except for about 1/2 of one of the biscuits. I didn't get hungry again until late last night and just had a little yogurt before bed. I can eat one big meal like that mid-afternoon and it will satisfy me for close to 24 hrs. OTOH, if I try to break it up into small meals throughout the day I'm starving all day and all night, and inevitably I end up overeating in the evening.

This is something I've always known about myself but never allowed myself to eat that way because I've always been told it's wrong. During my 20-year "thin" phase I think that's probably the way I ate, although I can't quite remember exactly how I ate during that period of time.

SouthernMaven, based on reading a few of your posts, I seem to share similar food preferences as you do. For example, I, too, need carbs as part of my meal to be full/satisfied (I fare better if those carbs are combined w/ some protein and fat, too). Also, I remember you mentioning on a previous thread that you do not get hungry until late morning. It's the same with me: If I follow my hunger signals, I usually don't get hungry until around 11 or Noon. If I eat exactly what I want in the amount I want, I won't be hungry until dinner. If I were to eat a big meal in the afternoon as you just described, I would not be hungry for dinner.

I've been giving intuitive eating some thought lately, and I realize that my two biggest impediments to it are these: 1) Even if I am not physically hungry, I mentally want to eat. Today, for instance, I overate just because I wanted to, not because I was hungry. I had gotten a bagel, and I was going shopping, so I had the cream cheese and the bagel in my car. I told myself I would not eat it until I got hungry, but I ate it before I even started shopping. (ETA: Later, I ate two candy bars---a rarity, I must say, but I have been craving Twix & Snickers for some reason. Later I ate a turkey sandwich and two peaches---at no point today was I physically hungry before eating any of this). It was as if I needed to eat even though I wasn't physically hungry. I tried to think about why, and I realized that maybe it's just that I want that pleasurable feeling from tasting good food. Do you ever have this challenge? 2) I really can get in tune with my hunger signals. I can distinguish when I'm physically hungry. The problem for me is knowing when to stop eating. I remember trying IE years ago, and this was my biggest struggle then, too. I realize that I actually like to feel full---not I-feel-sick full, but [B]full/B]--as in I can feel the food in my stomach and am satisfied. That may be the sticking point for me because in order to get to that stage, I have a feeling that I have to overeat. This is probably because I eat too fast (I say this because when I eat at a fine restaurant and the courses, obviously, are spaced out, I get full MUCH more quickly on less food).

Does anyone here struggle with the above two problems? Any advice for overcoming them? Also, for those on IE, I know you probably do not regularly weigh yourself, but do any of you know whether you've gained since you stopped formally "dieting"?

Last edited by lin43; 06-08-2013 at 03:24 PM.
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Old 06-08-2013, 03:20 PM   #15  
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Originally Posted by kellycg102 View Post
Thanks Veggiedaze, I feel soooo much better, pretty amazed actually! I have done the same as you with meds been on a couple but go off after feeling I am coping better, so I will wait and see what happens this time around. This time around was really quite scary for me, really don't ever want to feel those feelings or have the thoughts I had again. Really hoping the food thing continues, it is a huge relief like you said not having to think of the food so much too.........amazing!

Hoping I can move more towards what you are doing one day.....it finally feels like maybe it is possible for me.
So good to read this kelly. It's just so tough the depression thing. But just escaping from time to time to be able to see things differently is so wonderful and something important to remember if brought down again. Just the memory of things being better can give great hope. As far as doing what I am doing one day is really humbling. I don't think I am doing anything too special. Just taking things day by day. It's still tough sometimes not to be pulled into the extreme dieting especially after an episode of over indulgence.

Being back at work has been good this last week to get back to my routine. Everyday I did the omlette thing for breakfast and it worked out really great. My hunger was so much less. But then I had to work a day overtime due to an environmental emergency. So I worked 60 hours in 5 days and boy was I exhausted. And that last day, although not "hungry", I did notice that draggy feeling that comes after several days of no starches. But I was by no means "planning" no starches. I wondered everyday if there would be donuts brought by someone, and had there been, I would have had one. And on my last day after work, my sister came out to visit and stayed over. She was so sad because her beloved dog was just hit by a car and killed and I feel very sad about it too. I had not had any alcohol since the vacation, and she asked me to pick her up some beer on my way home from work where she was waiting for me at my house. I said sure and decided what the heck, some wine for me was definitely called for after such a stressful workweek, and not wanting to work that extra day. So we had a couple drinks (my drinks are each worth 2 at least ) and then of course, the hunger kicked in and not having much in the house and not wanting to cook and feeling super bad about the dog, we ordered a pizza. I had 4 pieces!! She had 2. But you know it felt really good. And again it was a good thing I think because it again reinforced the idea of being able to overeat on occasion and not having the guilt turn it into a binge. I think the overeating thing is my biggest obstacle when it comes to resisting bingeing. Had I just had 1 or 2 pieces of pizza, and just 1 glass of wine, I would have felt really in control and I doubt I'd get a binge urge. But having 4 pieces (especially when my sister just had 2), I did fight a bit with the guilt inside my head and did get binging urges. But I just sat with the discomfort; reminded myself how important it is to be able to just sit with it, and we watched some TV, talked, and then went to bed. It also helped to combat the self destructive "all or nothing", "black and white" mentality.

And today, although a bit hung over, I feel fine. I can't help but recognize the old me would have binged last night due to the guilt of eating too much pizza, and I would be feeling so much worse today. It is afternoon now, and I am just beginning to get hungry again. I'm not sure what I feel like. There is more than a whole pizza left (we ordered 2 medium pizzas- one veggie and one pepperoni) and honestly I really don't feel like it. Again this is contrary to what would happened in the past. In the past the guilt over the previous day would have me diving head first into any lefterovers (which there would likely not have been leftovers) to help numb me from guilt as well as get in on it while I could since my mind would have decided that I would have to severely restrict again. Maybe tonight I will have pizza again, maybe not. I will just decide at the time depending on what I feel like. My sister had pizza again for breakfast, and holding strong at 110 pounds. She is the queen of intuitive eating. She is still my greatest example of moderation. I am very happy she is staying a couple days at my house. I always learn so much from her.
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