I had an astonishing experience today. There's this 7-11 I go by on my way back from the post office (and I go to the p.o. 3-4 days a week) where I used to buy diet soda and the cookies I used to binge on. They're those bakery-made cookies in packs of 3, fresh every morning, and they come in 3 different varieties. I used to think of them as A, B & C cookies, where I had a definite preference for the A variety, liked just fine the B variety, and really did not like the C variety. I knew the morning patterns of that 7-11 very well: when the cookies arrived from the bakery, and when the store got packed with Hispanic day laborers buying their provisions for the day, mostly bottled water and sweets. The workmen seemed to prefer the A cookies as much as I did, 'cause there were rarely any left by 9 AM, and definitely none left by the afternoon....except on the occasional days when the workmen didn't show up. Like rainy days, wintry days.
So here I was, today, coming back from the p.o. and needing to buy something that was easy to pick up at that 7-11. I've been to that 7-11 a few times since I became binge-free in November, but not since I gave up diet soda. Now the cookies are displayed right on the counter between the two registers: you can't avoid being confronted with them. This would be the first time I'd have to stand there in front of the cookies without having my hands full with 6, 10, 12 bottles of diet soda. But I figured, "No big deal. It's afternoon on a nice day: the day laborers will have wiped out all the A cookies."
Instead, what happened was, I had to stand there for a looooong time, right in front of the cookie basket, because the guy ahead of me was buying all these complicated lottery & keno tickets, and guess what....there were three packages of the A cookies in the basket (!), more than enough, when combined with a couple packs of the B variety, for a good ol' fashioned Fiona binge. I couldn't take my eyes off those cookies! I could smell them right through the plastic! My mouth was literally watering! They were burning a hole in my consciousness! It hasn't been that long since I last ate them...only about 4 months! I wasn't thinking about will power, or about "brain over binge": all I could think about was those cookies.
But I didn't buy any. I purchased my item and left the store. When I got into my car, I just sat there for several minutes, shaking my head in amazement and thinking, "It's over. It's really over. I am no longer the slave of cookies." I used to buy other cookies, too, at other places, but if I had consciously set out to do so, I could not have devised a tougher test than the one I had just gone through.
Now I may buy an occasional organic vegan cookie (only 1 to a pack), but that's not in the same league. My bondage is over!!
It's incredible, just incredible...
Current mini-goal: Get down to 260
Pounds to go: 15
Mini-goal 1: 30 days binge-free —> done 12/21/13 & binge-free now
Mini-goal 2: Get down to 280 —> done 5/22/14