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Old 04-01-2014, 02:16 PM   #40
Wannabeskinny
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freelancemomma View Post
I sure don't want to live on a planet in which fresh baguette, fragrant cheese and a bottle of fine red wine spread out over a picnic blanket isn't considered healthy.

F.
Because the act of sitting and eating that pleasurably, alone or with company and not feeling bad about it is a healthy act of eating. If I on the other hand secretly buy a loaf of bread and eat it on my couch while watching tv and finishing it all so that my husband does not see the evidence then that is not exactly healthy.

Coincidentally before I even read this I bought French bread, Camembert and fig jam, a food combination that I either restrict or binge on. The plan is to enjoy some with a glass of wine for dinner without guilt.

Everyone's definitions of what is healthy might be different. I am completely focused on conducting a healthy act of eating no matter what I choose to eat. My ED is very specific, eat something 'restricted' in secret, in between meals alone, then eat the regular meals too so nobody suspects anything, then get rid of the evidence. And how do I buy that food? With the personal account that I've set up in secret so that nobody finds out. Dude, that's an eating disorder ok? Going grain free is not going to fix that lol.

So my healthy act of eating right now involves eating without secrets, I don't stash anything anymore or eat secretely. I've spent a lot of energy on trying to hide my eating and sometimes that means eating large amounts of food very fast and I can't even taste them honestly. Now I eat as much as I want, I make sure I'm properly hungry for it and that I eat slowly and mindfully so that I notice when I get full, I even take breaks while I eat so that I don't miss those fullness cues. Yes at first this was damn near impossible to do - my hunger/fullness system was completely broken and I'm fixing it. It is easier now, I'm still working on it but it's a skill that I actually have so I'm going to use it. So now if I sit in public and eat a sandwich without judging myself or feeling like I'm being judged, and I eat it slowly so that I pay attention to how it feels/tastes then I consider that a healthy act of eating. This is huge for me y'all! And my binges are nearly gone, I've NEVER managed to not binge ever! I understand that some foods are more nutritious than others and I'm not overlooking that at all, I'm not eating chips and candy all day every day. Far from the truth. But I've spent a long time obsessing about food, and not really enjoying it. Now that I'm not obsessing about it I'm finally enjoying it.

... Oh and all that money I'm saving now from the binging I used to do? ----> goes directly to paying for my out-of-network nutritional therapist. So I'm walking the walk baby. Thank you to those who have been supportive!
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"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth

Last edited by Wannabeskinny : 04-01-2014 at 02:53 PM.
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