Thank you all for your support
Yes, I have been struggling with my goal weight for quite some time. Until Koshka pointed out, I thought I was happy with my food intake.
Truth be told, I think what is bothering me is not the fact that im going down in weight so much...but the fact that I am over eating on the weekend and taking from my daily points during the week to "cover it" for a little while now. On the weekend...it's all eating at home by myself. It's not like I'm going out and enjoying food or anything. It is basically binge eating.
I am so stressed out today I could cry. I started a new role at work (promotion) that in of itself is lovely...but i have been from my old teammates and it has thrown my routines out the window in every respect. Now I have I go the gym at night with all the buff guys there instead of in my safe zone in the mornings with the friendly seniors and the young moms. I just felt more comfortable with that set.
I am also scared about my past eating disorders rearing their ugly heads...I have had a lot of change and a lot of loss in my life and the removal of all my familiar people and routines is extremely upsetting. I know it's irrational but it how I feel. So I think all the loss and uncertainty is making me go crazy on food (mostly Saturdays).
I am not sure what to do. I want to keep exercising daily because it is good for the mind and body. I'll have to face my fears I guess. But also I have to get a handle on my eating disorder behaviours and just commit to ending them. They may have started up recently, but they don't have to stick around.
I want to be the person I was 1-2 months ago. Lonely and insecure but still having a goal to reach for and still knowing who i was at least in terms of eating and weight loss and daily exercising.
To be clear, in maintenance mode there is no specific points that you eat at. You have to play around to get your balance. The playing around was a huge mental leap that was unsettling. I'm just so unhappy
Does anyone have any suggestions of how I can turn this around thought-wise?