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Old 03-29-2014, 05:36 PM   #264
on the wagon
onebyone's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,762

S/C/G: 291/265/150

Height: 5' 6"

Exclamation floundering/flounders


I just went back in the posts to see when I last posted and what's been said since then and in my head I believed it was at least a week, maybe a week and a half, in reality it's been 5 days. Geez.

I have not been on a plan, on plan or even near a plan in 5 days.

I was reading the book with my newly declared plan and it was going through a day 1, day 2, structure and on day 1 you have to clean your kitchen and you can't go on until you do and... well the kitchen she's still not cleaned up. So I feel "stuck". I also feel this to be "dumb" and "self-sabotagey" and yet it remains there in my head ruling me. It's now 12 days since I gave in to sugar and I have not stopped/restricted it since. I'm just checking in to maybe share this and turn the page on it. I am UNHAPPY being like this.
I have two good plans, no three of them, all can work together and now even more reasons to stay/be healthier/fitter and, dare I hope, better looking as there will be photo-taking coming up since some of my hoped-for artistic projects are happening. I won an honorable mention on one of my prints, so a ticket to an event with Mucky-mucks is the prize. Put your best foot forward springs to mind and Look Sharp! too. Being of a smaller size helps that for sure.

I was also chosen to attend a print-making event in August (printing my woodblock print with a steamroller! I *may* get to drive it!) and I am submitting for a community event (in your neck of the woods BBE) which if I get accepted would be in early June. Also with many pictures being taken. Why can't I stay focused?

I relate to the discussion of "this is good enough...this is working" and then stopping. Like all I have to do is prove to myself that I can do it. Then, somehow for some reason, I don't have to do it anymore. Whaaaa? And, of course, I am wasting time and energy being angry with myself that I didn't stick to it for all these months, yet again, and I find myself in the same place for all that effort. Because it's not like I am not expending effort on this weightloss business. I am either trying, not trying, or trying to get back into it. What a hamster wheel. I need to put this into my arc cards somehow as a reminder. And now I'm ranting so I think I'll go pick up that book and read on and get back on track.

I have *credit* posted here, read my arcs, cooked from scratch and tracked from this moment forward.

I pledge to make a foodplan, an exercise plan and a do-these-things-daily-cause-you-feel-better-when-you-do-them-plan.

Thanks for reading.
Going to 150 5lbs at a time
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