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Old 03-24-2014, 08:53 AM   #516
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 10


Originally Posted by Koalifornia21 View Post
I read through the first ten pages of this and I'm really just reaching out for help!! To be honest this post is the only reason I made an account so I can reach out to some of you, I don't know where else to turn...

I'm 20 years old in college, Last year I weighed 136lbs at 5'6'' and I felt overweight so I decided to count calories and diet down. That was February 2013, now after over year of eating 1500 calories or less a day I weigh 119lbs...the only problem is I feel like I've turned completely crazy!! Like I think and fantasize about food ALL DAY LONG! I'm always hungry, and my mood swings and almost depressive state can scare me..I tried to move into maintenance, but as soon as I did I had a binge fest and just couldn't control myself! It was like as soon as I started eating I couldn't stop, I just wanted to feel full so so so bad.

I want the freedom that bingefree and southernmaven found, but I'm absolutely terrified that if I give myself permission to eat I won't stop (I never had banned foods, I just restricted the amount of EVERYTHING). I'm afraid I'll put on all the weight I worked so hard to lose, and my mom repeatedly tells me that after dieting for a year I'll never know what true hunger and fullness feels like..

If someone can help me, give me steps to try to move into this type of sort of intuitive eating I would be forever grateful. I'm really in such a bad place right now =(. I never had a problem with binging before even! And all I think about all day is calories and meal planning and logging exercise. My whole day is based around food and how much I have to limit myself. It's ruined dating, going out with friends, even going out to eat with my family. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't like how crazy I've become, but I don't want to be at 136 again because I was really unhappy and had low self-esteem there.

If anyone could reach out I would appreciate it so so so much! I don't know were to go from here or if I even have any hope...
Hi Koalifornia! I hear ya! I have been in a similar situation (like many others I believe). I dieted for a while and restricted how much I eat, I wasn't starving, I was eating definitely more than 1200/day like I see many do, much more, but I was restricting and counting and I was afraid of gaining weight. Eventually, I started to binge and became scared. I then continued to try hard to control my eating, I was desperate to not gain weight. Again, I was not underweight or anything, but I was trying to eat less than my body needed. Long story short - I failed. And failed. And failed. The binges got more often and intense and I did gain all the weight back and more and now, after more than a year, I am still trying to get my life back. Now, I don't want to say that there is no way out, but I just want to encourage you to not try to continue dieting. If I could turn back time, I would ditch counting calories and try very hard to listen to my body, stop ignoring it. Eat when you are hungry, maybe try eating out so that you would not be able to count calories. I understand that it is hard, but trust me, it is even harder once you get into the habit of binging. I just read Have-Your-Cake-Skinny-Jeans by Josie Spinardi and can highly recommend it. I read a few IE books and this is the one I like most so far.
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