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Old 03-24-2014, 04:46 AM   #514
Koalifornia21
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 55

S/C/G: 120/128/125

Height: 5'6''

Default PLEASE HELP! I don't know where else to turn!

I read through the first ten pages of this and I'm really just reaching out for help!! To be honest this post is the only reason I made an account so I can reach out to some of you, I don't know where else to turn...

I'm 20 years old in college, Last year I weighed 136lbs at 5'6'' and I felt overweight so I decided to count calories and diet down. That was February 2013, now after over year of eating 1500 calories or less a day I weigh 119lbs...the only problem is I feel like I've turned completely crazy!! Like I think and fantasize about food ALL DAY LONG! I'm always hungry, and my mood swings and almost depressive state can scare me..I tried to move into maintenance, but as soon as I did I had a binge fest and just couldn't control myself! It was like as soon as I started eating I couldn't stop, I just wanted to feel full so so so bad.

I want the freedom that bingefree and southernmaven found, but I'm absolutely terrified that if I give myself permission to eat I won't stop (I never had banned foods, I just restricted the amount of EVERYTHING). I'm afraid I'll put on all the weight I worked so hard to lose, and my mom repeatedly tells me that after dieting for a year I'll never know what true hunger and fullness feels like..

If someone can help me, give me steps to try to move into this type of sort of intuitive eating I would be forever grateful. I'm really in such a bad place right now =(. I never had a problem with binging before even! And all I think about all day is calories and meal planning and logging exercise. My whole day is based around food and how much I have to limit myself. It's ruined dating, going out with friends, even going out to eat with my family. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't like how crazy I've become, but I don't want to be at 136 again because I was really unhappy and had low self-esteem there.

If anyone could reach out I would appreciate it so so so much! I don't know were to go from here or if I even have any hope...
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