Here are some things that I have learned through my journey. Maybe something will click for you and help you.
In the 70's I was a heavy teenager looking for some help to lose weight I saw this show with an author on it her book was "It's not what your eating it's what's eating you". At that time I thought ya right I was not ready to tackle the mental side of eating.
I am no expert but have been at this a long time. Then I went to a therapist and spoke with her about why I am fat. Her first and only question to me was "Why are you punishing yourself. Of course I wasn't ready to admit it because of abuse as a child.
But through much soul searching and journaling it has come to me that I feel I don't deserve to be loved.
My parents died early my aunt brought me up her words to me where "We are gonna take you cause NO ONE else wants to." This is were it all started for me.
I truly believe until you face your demons the weight will follow you around no matter how many times we lose. Food always is a relief for us it is our way of coping with our feelings.
Doctor told me to keep a notebook and write down what is bothering you this helps to get it out of your body and will help you to heal.
I'm not perfect but I am sooooo much better. I still have binged but I know now it is cause I can't have sugar just like a person who can't ever have another drink or cig. I know I can't have sugar.
I did it for 4 months felt wonderful. then X-mas and am having a hard time getting back to it.
I'm just gonna do it.