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Old 03-23-2014, 08:49 AM   #55
Wannabeskinny
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
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Height: 5'4"

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Originally Posted by CinnamonApples View Post
Hi Wannabeskinny! Thank you for the links - I will definitely go through those threads. You are right about my anxiety. I tend to be a perfectionist, so I feel disappointed for not being able to control what I eat any-more. I guess that is even more so, because everyone around me is striving to look their best and I was one of them for a long time until I fell off the vagon. A lot of pressure. I have just finished reading "How to Have Your Cake and Your Skinny Jeans" by Josie Spinardi - a great book indeed. I like that she acknowledges one's desire to be thin. And I am sure it would work if I ate when I am hungry and stopped when I am full, but even knowing that I can have anything I want when I am hungry, I still want it all and want it now. So it is hard to wait until I am hungry and then stop. When I had rules and portions there was less of willpower involved. Maybe things will get better with time. I hope so! How long did it take you to feel comfortable with IE?
I was comfortable with IE right away. I'm not saying it hasn't been difficult because it has. But I finally started working on what's important. Diets were making me crazy, they took all the control out of my hands. I didn't like being told when to eat, what to eat, and how much to eat. I didn't like being told that I can't eat something. I didn't like judging myself for eating something off plan. And I especially did not like the way diets approached hunger, like it was something I had to push away, will away, grit through, trick, and not allow hunger to even happen. IE taught me that I was born with the skills I need, hunger and the ability to feed myself. And if I really listen to my body and cultivate those skills that I could build a normal relationship with food.

Your posts sound like you're coming from a good place but that you are confused. You don't know where to start. I would urge you to read Overfed Head (easy read, free pdf online if you google it). There's a lot of steps you can take, one is to eat everything you want for a few days until you get it out of your system. Another is to spend a few days allowing yourself to get really hungry between meals, just so that you can really wrap your mind around what the physical feeling of hunger is.

For me the first step was to eat mindfully. I sit down with my food without distraction, no tv/book/phone/computer, look at everything carefully, eat very slowly savoring each bite. Stay focused on what you're eating, don't zone out. Believe it or not this helped me a lot. None of the books mention mirrors but I find that watching myself eat in a mirror can be quite painful, but it helps me sometimes (when I can stand it) to face the real me. During that time I give myself loving thoughts like I am nurturing myself, that I am beautiful, that I deserve to eat just like everyone else, that there is no shame in eating etc. Halfway through the meal I take a nice long 2-3minute break. I go into the other room, get a glass of water, check my email, go to the bathroom, answer a phone call, put the clothes in the dryer, whatever I have to do to get myself away from the plate. Then I tell myself "when I go back to the food I can have as much of it as I want." But usually I find that the little break helps me tune in to my fullness signal and I usually don't want much more of it let alone the rest of it. I'm very happy with how this is working, and I'm eating all the foods I crave and actually enjoying them. Before I wasn't enjoying anything, I was saying hateful things to myself all the time during and after eating. It's amazing what a little self love will do.
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"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth
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