The real you IS nice, she's just defending herself as best she can against the feelings we fear. Being hungry makes incredibly angry. I don't know why, I've never thought if myself or been described as an angry person but there it is. I think it's because it's one of the only emotions that I don't let myself feel, it believe its futile but there it is, suppressed long enough and now I must deal with it.
If you ask a "normal" person what they feel when they're hungry they don't feel anything past hunger, maybe weakness, fatigue, unclear thinking and other issues related to the physiology of needing fuel. People like me? I feel anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, loneliness.
Well thank goodness I found a way to take care of myself and comfort myself. Eating may not have been the best solution but its better than substance abuse or reckless behavior or even suicide. Buy I'm better now, I've no need to self console like an adolescent. The feelings I need to tackle are not so daunting anymore. Continuing to comfort myself with food is something I will always do because it works. I just don't need to do it every waking moment lol. Doing so would be like wearing a cast on a healed broken bone. It's almost healed now, I'm just holding it back from bein useful by keeping that cast on it.
"Binging is a descent into a world where every restriction... is cut loose. At its core is a feeling of deprivation.. a feeling you can never get enough. Binges do not signify a lack of willpower or inability to care for yourself. On the contrary, binges are a urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for. They are the voice of survival. Binges are the mark of the self that says, 'I am tired of feeling deprived, of being told I am wrong, that I am bad." - Geneen Roth