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Old 03-06-2014, 01:36 PM   #5
Mazzy
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 120

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
Yup, I know this feeling. Just get serious and get to it! I tell myself because IE feels like a vacation sometimes. I sometimes the red devil on my shoulder says I'm just using IE as an excuse to eat whatever I want.

Turning to a diet is a logical thing to do, everyone does it, it's considered the responsible thing to do and we've done it so many times before that it feels natural. The relationship we have with dieting is not unlike having an abusive childhood - it's all we know, it's all we're destined for or so we think. We must deserve the punishment. I remember the very first time I was confronted with a version of IE... I was looking for a therapist to help me dealing with my ED. I interviewed a few. One in particular I refused immediately after our first session. It was a while ago but she said something to the effect of "let's see what happens if you allow yourself to get a little hungry, what kind of emotions rise up?" I knew immediately I wasn't going there. But it's stayed in the back of my mind until now as something I should have done but it sounded too hard.
Thank you all.

Yes, this is so true...**especially** the part about it "being the responsible thing to do." I definitely feel that pull a lot! Especially when I see other people losing loads of weight, as you said in your thread about letting go of diets, which is almost along the same lines I guess, and they are all chirpy about this diet and that weight loss, etc. And I get the pull to get back into control again. It's the pull of the fix almost - like a numbers game, and the fix is to see how low the number can go.

And the part about "let's see what happens if you allow yourself to get a little hungry." Boy, what terror I felt the first time I tried it! I still feel it sometimes. I tried to ask a dieting friend of mine once how she felt when she allowed herself to go hungry, and it was like a deer in headlights, almost like she didn't understand the question. I get that. I didn't understand it at first either, but then I let myself feel the feelings and realized how I was trying to hide.

And now, it's been about 6-7 months, and I've been through a bit of a whirlwind with this. I went through the superficial aspects of feeling what I was feeling instead of shoveling food in, and then it seemed to get deeper, and now the stuff that's coming up is harder than ever. Because I don't have food to placate me, the real me is showing up. And she's not always nice. I'm not sure how to deal with that.
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