These days I have caught myself falling back into binge habits. I don't have the appetite to binge as much as I used to, which helps me notice what I'm doing. I notice the discomfort of being way too full, the headache from the sugar. The way I feel worse, not better.
It's been years since Ive really binged. Spent hours eating, feeling alone and miserable.
I've been "dealing with life" lately. It's been rough. My control issues have been manifesting in a high alcohol consumption, too. I think I'm okay, since I'm noticing. I'm trying to be more open with others.
There's someone in my life who, I think I've realized, is severely depressed. I feel drained after. It's taking a toll, and I'm sad to say I need to create some distance. I'm sorry I can't be a better friend to them. It's shocking, though, how that influence can just set me back years! I'm never going to be "cured" of this control problem. I'm always going to have to accept it, manage it.
This time, though, I have friends I can call for help when I catch myself falling into a bad cycle.
I had to share, folks. This always feel like such a lonely, alienating struggle. There are so many people like us, though.