Thank you for the info Pixie, it is good to have the input from others to kind of gauge how I am doing. Often, others notice the changes in you before you do. The only thing I could see in myself after reading your reply is I would consider my approach to dealing with my binge eating more organized than previous approaches I have had in the past.
I am no longer trying to solve all the problems at once, such as control my binge eating, tackle all my self esteem issues, and lose weight, all at once. I have tried that approach and trying to do so I finally learned that I spread myself and efforts to THIN. I can not solve each problem applying maybe 10% of my effort and focus.
So, I'm trying to address the MAIN issue for me, the binge eating. It seems to be working as I am getting stronger avoiding it and working thru it. Ive been weight obsessed for years, and its a cycle..the binge makes you gain and the gain makes you binge. So, if I break that piece of my cycle I should be able to work on the others later. It seems to make sense to me when I think about it. But, who knows.
Ive been feeling physically better, maybe not totally emotionally positive, but improving. The finer is helping, the meals are also still smaller I noticed. Last night I had eaten dinner and half way thru I felt fullness and discomfort. Keep in mind the meal was already half of what I would normally eat. I added in a veggies snack the past couple of days this week, real food. Ive also had a few strawberries and raspberries with plain Greek yogurt.
Ive continued the water intake. I stepped on the scale this morning out of curiosity and down couple times. I figure if I continue eating right and not binge eating I should slowly get back to where I was. So scale reads 178-177.5 ish
Husband surprised me by saying we were going out to dinner. He had seen a commercial during the afternoon about a local restaurant, buffet. My first impulse was I don't wanna go, I don't dare go. Lets just say that a buffet is the last place I wanted to test myself with, not to mention its one of our favorite places to go. I always eat more than I plan on, and I try to keep control over what I am eating. When what I really want to do is dive face first into everything and wish I was alone.
I decided to go with the plate approach. I took three different plates, one at a time. I only put what I knew I really wanted to try on the plate, and only enough to fill the center of the plate-along with salad. I ate some of everything on the plates, all of it veggies, protien, low carb not breaded. I had a piece of steak that was the size of a deck of cards (a real serving size). For dessert I had 3 large strawberries that were incredible. I remember sitting there thinking, I'm full. I really don't need anything else-I said "Im done, done" my husband looked at me and said, totally done or just with what you have" I told him nope, I'm totally done, I can't eat anything else, I'm good-I wasn't full, but I wasn't hungry. I had tried everything that I wanted, and was all acceptable. I didn't feel deprived at all. My husband looked at me and said "are you sure, you usually eat more here than I do" and you've only eaten maybe a plate full." Told him yup. I was surprised that he commented on what I ate or didn't eat. I think it is not just in my head when I said I think I am eating less than I normally do.
I was satisfied. I also made sure I took my "dose" of fiber before we left (benifiber) thinking it would also probably help me feel fuller, faster. Whatever the reasons, I was successfully able to eat out and not over eat. I also am home and not searching for more to eat because after seeing all the desserts etc. laid out I wanted it and couldn't have it. Nothing, not at all. No desire to binge or even eat anything. I still don't know what is going on, but I'm happy it is and that I am still feeling in control. Its been at least 32 0r 33 days since I binged last.