One term that I really despise is fat-acceptance. I really really hate that term. I'm not sure why, but I just know that it's not for me.
Self acceptance on the otherhand, I can get used to this. I don't know how this works for anyone else or how anyone can achieve it but this is how I'm doing it.
1. I found that dieting caused a lot of anxiety. I kept thinking that I was at fault for failing rather than placing the blame on the diet that wasn't working. It was a cycle of dieting - cheaitng - dieting - cheating. I was either being "good" or being "bad." It was like a scary merrygo round that wasn't leading to anything other than getting sick. So I got off the ride.
2. Once I stopped dieting I stopped focusing on my failures. This alone aleviated self destruction, guilt, and self hatred. My anxiety has lessed to such an extent that I can actually focus on what is important which is...
3.... am I freaking hungry or what??? The ability to take my mind off of willpower and put it on observing my state of hunger has caused more self confidence in me than any low calorie day, than any pound lost, than any pride I felt at eating just a salad for lunch. Putting the power of eating for the purpose of hunger into my own hands rather than into the hands of some diet guru has been empowering.
4. Food hatred - this has been the most rewarding part of the process for me. It feels so good not to give power to food. I don't have to hate a potato (I love you my dear spud!!), I don't have roll my eyes at white flour, I don't have to scoff at an egg yolk, I don't have to say no to a piece of cake, I don't have scold myself for an extra teaspoon of dressing..... you know those people who walk around blaming everybody for the state of the world? It's the government's fault, it's the rich people's fault, it's the train schedule's fault, it's the weather's fault, it's the other guy's fault? That's who I was concerning food. It was a wheat sensitivity (hahaha!!), it was an addiction to carbs, it was the corn farmer's of america's fault, it's the GMOs, it's procssed food, it's sugar, it's the school lunches, it's the movie theater's fault who sells the tub of popcorn.... so once I took the focus off of that noise then I saw that food is rather benign. It's not really screaming out to me. It's not causing me any harm at all.
All these factors are ALLOWING me to be self accepting. When you take away every reason to hate yourself or to hate others then the only thing left is joy.
"No matter how developed you are in any other area of your life, no matter what you say you believe, no matter how sophisticated or enlightened you think you are, how you eat tells all." - Geneen Roth